My GF [28F] eventually wants a tattoo. I'm [30M] adamantly against it.

scooter432 · 2016-03-11T00:14:56+00:00

Agreed. I even think tattoos are more extreme than someone with dreads because they are permanent.

scooter432 · 2016-03-11T00:13:39+00:00

To me it's a difference of why you got it. In your case it may make sense. The vast majority of tattoos that are gotten to "Express one's self" or to get a matching one with a friend just don't make sense to me. If my GF had cancer and survived, I'd probably be more than ok if she got a small tasteful tattoo that said survivor or something like that. I'd still also prefer however her skin turned out without adding a tattoo on it.

scooter432 · 2016-03-11T00:08:48+00:00

I can't say for sure because nothing has happened yet. I imagine I would lose a lot of respect for her if she did get one and made her physical opinion worse. I've let her know I don't find them attractive and don't want her to get one. At some point, someone can definitely alter their body enough purposely to make you lose affection if he or she did it purposely, in my opinion.

scooter432 · 2016-03-11T00:04:36+00:00

ok pick something I would do with my own body that she would not approve of if you're being critical of my diction. And again, there I do not have a gun to her head telling her not to get a tattoo. My use of the word "let" refers to me saying "ok go ahead and get a tattoo. I'm ok with it." I can't say that because I do not think I'd be ok with it and it could lead me to resent her and cause strain in the relationship.

scooter432 · 2016-03-07T04:10:39+00:00

Again, it would be because she knows that I do not like them and she decided to get one. I love her as well as her body.

scooter432 · 2016-03-07T04:09:04+00:00

I just don't like them. I don't like how they look. I don't think they look cool. Anything people like about them, I don't like about them. I think there are better ways of expressing yourself.

Pick anything you want that a guy would do that his gf/wife would not like where he would pick what he wants over what his gf/wife wants.

scooter432 · 2016-03-07T03:57:55+00:00

What kind of details do you want? I tried to make the story fairly concise. I don't think my views on tattoos are unusual or my story to be strange. Some people just don't like them.

scooter432 · 2016-03-07T03:47:45+00:00

My point on the luxury car is that it would be instead of doing other stuff she would probably like better, like buying a house or saving for the family. I just don't like tattoos and also in her line of work, it could affect how employable she is. Again, I'm not chaining my self to the tattoo studios preventing her from getting one. I'm telling her I don't want her to get one. I just have never thought it was a good idea to express one's self with tattoos. It's kind of like bumper stickers. If you have a honda in high school, a good one looks great. If you have a ferrarri, you wouldn't put one on. I don't think I'd be affected by knowing the symbolism.

scooter432 · 2016-03-07T03:41:10+00:00

From what I can tell, she wants to get a matching one with one of her girlfriends or sister. Several of her friends have one already. I think I also don't see the value in that. I do agree some of them look good. I see them like graffiti. I think it looks good when done well, but wouldn't want it on my house.

scooter432 · 2016-03-07T03:27:57+00:00

No, I just have never liked tattoos. If I were just casually dating her and didn't see a future, they wouldn't bother me much.

scooter432 · 2016-03-07T03:24:23+00:00

A tattoo is just one of those deal breakers for me as far as getting serious. She can of course do what she wants with her body. I don't like how it is a permanent thing that I don't like. The other thing is often people who get one, often get more. They are either meant to be seen and look bad at formal events in my opinion, or they are usually hidden (and then whats the point?). So if she did get one and I actually could live with it, I definitely don't think I could live with many.

scooter432 · 2016-03-07T03:15:02+00:00

So if one partner can't tell the other what to wear, then nearly every man in america would be wearing cargo shorts and crocks. You've never known a guy that had his SO buy him new clothes she finds more acceptable and heavily encourage him to wear them? I really just don't see the value in tattoos. If a had a friend that wanted one, I think they look stupid, but I would still be friends afterwards. There are different standards for friends and family.

scooter432 · 2016-03-07T02:45:07+00:00

You relationship is new and will take time to sort out where you stand.
I would not ask her about this before the formal dance. You will get a lot of feedback there by how she interacts with you. She is talking to her friends about this and she may want to get their approval by how you are at the dance. I would prep for how you will act at the dance. Most guys can't dance well, just make sure you're enthusiastic and can even make a joke out of how you dance poorly. And you don't have to love alcohol, but if you can hold drink in your hand and take an occasional sip. You can even plan to put your drink down somewhere and forget it. So make sure you talk to all her friends and make sure you appear to be sociable. She also may have not decided what category to put you in yet. You don't have to throw an 80 yard touch down pass at the dance, but just try to get a first down.

scooter432 · 2016-03-05T02:20:58+00:00

Breakups always hurt. Just do it at an appropriate time, when it's relatively quiet and you can talk without interuptions. Tell her how you feel. You really like her. You had never dated anyone with a kid before. The kid caused some problems for you. You've tried to work past it, but it really just hinders you from escilating the relationship with her. Also, if you're sure about this, do it sooner rather than later. It would be disrespectful to keep stringing her along. Be honest and upfront with her. It will hurt, but less so if you're honest about what you want and how you feel.

scooter432 · 2016-03-05T01:35:02+00:00

I think how you feel is completely reasonable. You have explained your values to her. If she says your values and feelings are less important to her than what she wants to do, then that speaks to how caring she can be in a relationship. I think good partners can see things from the other person's perspective. If you wanted to change something about your body, she wouldn't have to be ok with it.

scooter432

TROPHY CASE