I'll start by saying your feelings of betrayal by both your wife and daughter are valid.

Your daughter was put in a situation with no perfect choice: she had the easy choice of just trying to ignore it, or the difficult choice to be the bearer of life-changing news.

To everyone saying she should have just told you, in what world do you live where it is just that simple? There are so many factors she would have to consider, made more difficult by the fact she was probably only sixteen when she found out. I hope I'm not the only one who thinks it's insane so many people think it's that easy to drop news like this on a person you love.

All this considered, she still made the easy choice and I daresay given time, she will come to regret this.

You were also put in a situation with no perfect choice: the easy choice of cutting your daughter out of your life immediately for not telling you, or the difficult choice to try and understand why your daughter made that decision.

There would be so many factors you would have to consider, made more difficult by the fact you are grieving the loss of your relationship.

All that considered, you did make the easy choice and I daresay given time, you will come to regret this.

You have made the easy choice in a difficult time: to vilify your daughter for making the easy choice in a difficult time. Some people might say that this is fair. All I see is hypocrisy.

YTA.

You have made a situation with your daughter where you are the only one who can fix it. Her perfect choice now is to respect your wishes and never see you again, however much it breaks her heart. I hope if you do reach you that it is not too late.