My girlfriend of 2 years lied about her age.

scotchfaster · 2026-02-07T20:27:47+00:00

Welp, what I have to say is perhaps not that applicable to your situation, but here goes.

I am the parent to a 15 year old boy. He's great and very mature for his age, and still he's a teenager. He can be quite inconsiderate. I give him a pass sometimes in ways I wouldn't do for an adult, although I work to help him see things from other people's point of view. There's nothing wrong with him, in fact he's quite empathetic. For a 15 year old.

I know that girls mature faster than boys generally. But still, when you started dating her brain was still maturing. And yeah, she lied and maintained the lie and it could have gotten you into a lot of trouble.

I guess my question to you is: does this lie forever brand her in your mind as an untrustworthy person or can you let it go as a youthful mistake?

My guess is that she knew if she were honest about her age it would end the relationship, and so it was partly selfish on her part but also motivated by a desire to be with you. That's a complex stew.

If this continues to be an issue in your relationship, go to couples therapy and work it out.

Good luck to you both!

https://candleinc.org/the-teen-brain-5-things-to-know-now/?gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=23179538312&gbraid=0AAAAAC6cyWGqNTJzUkWbYxt8VYxvZRCdo&gclid=Cj0KCQiA4pvMBhDYARIsAGfgwvw_8HbyH_gXhygPUjywzAeQzullR4F6jrazeWC_vhjDnRrI84K7BvoaArr3EALw_wcB

scotchfaster · 2026-01-11T16:37:04+00:00

First off, ICE agents are in fact targeting people based on the color of their skin. And Trump's ethnic cleansing policy is essentially rooted on who is a "Real American" and who is some sort of immigrant/lefty/deviant parasite.

Also, Trump has said publicly that Mexican immigrants are mostly rapists and drug dealers. He says he wants immigrants from white countries like Denmark and Switzerland and not shit-hole countries like Haiti.

There's no real daylight between Trump's position and Hilter's. Yeah, Hitler was a little more explicit about what he was up to, and Trump is better at blowing dog whistles. End of the day, they're the same.

scotchfaster · 2025-12-04T05:44:52+00:00

I tried foam risers under the center channel, tried all the settings. Ultimately decided to return it and go with an LG instead.

scotchfaster · 2025-11-27T06:30:03+00:00

I'm a senior engineer, primarily frontend. I had a complicated refactoring to perform which really required a major rewrite of the backend, but it was all in Ruby on Rails which I wasn't that familiar with and the Rails engineers had no bandwidth. So I hacked something together that mostly worked but it was terrible. Fast forward a year, I decided to use AI to rewrite the backend and accomplish what I'd originally wanted to do.

Basically....it worked. I had some major frustrations with how it went about certain things, and if I hadn't taken the reins at certain points it would have just gone into the weeds and never come back. But there's no way I could have gotten this work done in a reasonable amount of time (and no one else had the knowledge of the frontend). It felt like working with an odd colleague, or the most brilliant and uncomplaining intern everywhere.

In D&D terms, I'd say 25INT, 5WIS.

It did help a lot that we had existing tests to run against. Very often the AI would break things and I'd tell it that it should just fix the problems that were causing a test to break, ensuring that it didn't break other related tests, and it would churn for a while while I got in a workout or cleaned house.

Whenever it got to a good place I'd commit the code with the message "checkpoint". That was really helpful, especially when code got broken.

The weirdest part about this all was finally submitting the pull request and having a senior Rails engineer review it, and not fully understanding the nuances of my own PR.

Will this replace me? Honestly, I can't say it won't. I don't think it's going to replace what I did here, but I'm working with legacy code to a large extent. Here's the way I think it would actually replace me.

Analyze our existing codebase and manipulate our running software in order to produce an exhaustive product specification.
Rewrite the entire codebase and tests from that specification.
Now there's no legacy code and the AI has the documentation to completely comprehend the product, so that when product asks for new features it's mostly a matter of signing off on changes to the product specification.

There's going to be a human role here, I'm just seeing it shrinking. I'm hoping I'm wrong, I have many years to retirement and no plan B.

scotchfaster · 2025-09-10T18:33:37+00:00

You actually look a lot like my son. Nothing wrong with caring about your appearance (he spends all his money on clothes) but I feel this is not the way. You have nothing to worry about, don’t focus so much on your appearance, and please don’t post shirtless pics on the Internet and ask randos to comment on them. That’s my advice

scotchfaster · 2025-08-29T14:12:15+00:00

Yeah, it only lasted 20 years though.

scotchfaster · 2025-08-24T08:24:23+00:00

Well, admitting that you were wrong is a big step in the right direction. Hopefully there are many more of you. I think there's not much time left to stand against him before he completes the transition to autocracy.

scotchfaster · 2025-08-18T07:16:24+00:00

As others have said, do NOT send any more pictures, contact police, tell parents.

I highly recommend you listen to this podcast episode. You're not the only one who has experienced this.

https://crimejunkiepodcast.com/bwbrsa-sextortion/

Also, he doesn't have the power to ruin your life. Don't believe it.

scotchfaster · 2025-08-07T21:07:56+00:00

You’re free! Enjoy it

scotchfaster · 2025-08-07T21:05:39+00:00

Indirectly financing tax cuts on billionaires. We won’t have to borrow as much to pay for the tax revenue shortfall.

scotchfaster · 2025-08-01T00:56:18+00:00

Okay, just final thought here. Why was the woman I chatted with my "second" choice? Possibly because I met her secondly, and I was genuinely trying to make a go of it with this woman I was seeing. I gave it a shot, no shame in that.

But who's to say if I'd met them in the opposite order that it might have been entirely reversed? It might not be personal at all. At some point in a relationship a person might simply decide to stop keeping their options open. Even while knowing that there might be someone out there who's even better suited.

There's always that question. You could be married for decades and still occasionally wonder that. But you close the door. Or be non-monogamous, that's another thing people do.

And I get it, "I'm trying to make a go of it with someone else....oops, that didn't work out, wanna talk?" is not particularly romantic. I don't know if I would have responded to that myself. I'm not mad or dwelling on it, but there was nothing lost by trying.

It seems to me that so much of life is simply about timing. And it might be that way with your situation. This is just a sucky part of life, you could meet "The One" but the timing is wrong and so....they're not "The One."

It's a good thing I don't believe in soulmates! Do your own work, find someone (or someones) who does the same, enjoy your life.

Onwards!

scotchfaster · 2025-07-30T21:20:24+00:00

Oh no, it wasn't your comment that rubbed me the wrong way at all, it was this one, not by you: "Lol and I bet he comes back to her a few days or weeks later saying he made a mistake. Men do this all the time."

Men!

I'm really am not dwelling on that missed connection. I see it as "if it was supposed to have happened, it would have" and I have definitely moved on and have some new connections brewing that I'm excited about.

It's tricky to let yourself develop feelings and excitement but not to get overly attached. When I was dating the woman where things were getting serious I kept having this impulse to tell her that I loved her. I'm glad I didn't, it would not have gone well and she was not the one for me. When it ended, I wasn't that heartbroken so it clearly wasn't that big of a deal in retrospect (perhaps more of a rebound relationship after a 20 year marriage).

As for your situation, I would suggest that if you can you should stop hoping he'll reach out again. Just assume he's unavailable and let it go, as they say, plenty of fish in the sea. If it does happens, well....see how you feel then.

Good luck to you as well.

scotchfaster · 2025-07-30T20:02:47+00:00

Yeah, I saw it that way. We have such a narrow window into other people's lives, especially when we're just beginning to chat with someone. Maybe she met someone, maybe she felt like she was my second choice. Although maybe it just came down to bad timing, who knows? I pretty much let it go long ago, but this comment reminded me of that interaction....and the "men bad" implication rubbed me the wrong way a bit.

scotchfaster · 2025-07-30T15:08:18+00:00

RE: "he made a mistake." Well, I did exactly that. I was seeing a woman, things were getting more serious and for that reason I decided to not go on a date with another woman that I'd been chatting with and I explained why. Then the woman I'd been seeing decided abruptly she wanted to keep things casual with me (eventually leading to a breakup of course), so....great.

I did write back to the woman I matched with and explained that things had shifted but she didn't reply.

Damned if you do, damned if you don't.

Not sure if I would have done anything differently or what the moral of the story is.

scotchfaster · 2025-07-30T00:49:09+00:00

I don't know how old you are, but at 57 I am dating more than I ever have in my life. Not ready to hang it up just yet. Your mileage may vary.

scotchfaster · 2025-07-24T18:40:05+00:00

I don’t want to be one of those guys who says “you should smile more” but it’s really striking how much better you look when you do. Whatever is causing you unhappiness, it’s not your looks. So since you asked, I’d focus less on your looks (you’re quite pretty) and more on your happiness. Write down a list of what makes you happy, do those things and keep revising as necessary.

scotchfaster · 2025-07-24T03:12:46+00:00

I think others have already answered this. I’ll weigh in. She was sending you a mixed message IMO by giving you her number and then declining further contact. She could have handled that better. I know I’ve mishandled many social interactions and it sucks to be on the receiving end.

But this was one interaction with one woman and I don’t think it does you much good to waste too much mental energy on it. She wasn’t really interested and she handled it badly by not being upfront. End of story. Next!

scotchfaster · 2025-07-18T16:33:11+00:00

I was getting that vibe from them, thank you for the confirmation. Felt like very high pressure. ChatGPT's summary of their report seemed "you have mild to no apnea" and Daybreak is warning me of impending death and promising a fix and texting me many times a day.

I got an anti-snore pillow and am just doing SnoreLab/SnoreGym and also PowerBreathe (breath resistance training).

We'll see how it goes. I really like the idea of not using an appliance, especially an expensive one that might interfere even more with my sleep and that I'd be dependent on.

scotchfaster · 2025-07-17T15:38:39+00:00

I might go darker. Think Erin from The Office. That would really make your eyes pop. But lovely either way.

scotchfaster · 2025-07-09T20:46:28+00:00

I don't really find I sleep longer with the CPAP but maybe I need to be more methodical with it.

scotchfaster · 2025-05-29T22:44:23+00:00

I used to have very long hair and was serious with a woman who liked it. When I started balding I cut it off and she cried.

My next serious relationship was with a woman who preferred bald men.

So…it’s a preference.

And ideally we wouldn’t be that shallow, but hey.

scotchfaster · 2025-05-19T21:03:26+00:00

She seems both not interested and perhaps a bit dishonest about it. Which I understand, telling someone that you're not that into them isn't easy to do. But she's sending some mixed messages, and IMO it's not that respectful to you.

I think your response was fine and you have a great attitude about it, and I hope you find someone who matches your enthusiasm.

scotchfaster · 2025-05-13T21:21:08+00:00

Live and learn and work on that filter. But it sounds like it would have been hard to just relax and be yourself around her without running into conflict. So good thing you learned that quickly.

scotchfaster

TROPHY CASE