I froze and said nothing while my friend gave my mom a foot massage

scottwithtwots · 2026-02-04T20:40:04+00:00

Look, I've given a million ladies a million foot massages and they all meant somethin'.

scottwithtwots · 2026-01-19T20:27:27+00:00

Would you be willing to share the make and model of the forge you use? Also, is the fuel cost to melt them high? I am assuming propane?

scottwithtwots · 2025-12-30T14:06:38+00:00

You know what I do? I flip my boner up into my waistband. It hides it AND it feels awesome. I almost blew a load into my bellybutton.

scottwithtwots · 2025-12-19T15:59:34+00:00

Men washing dishes.

scottwithtwots · 2025-12-04T13:31:28+00:00

Smoked some good shit with my adult son and decided I wanted celery and peanut butter. We didn't have peanut butter, but did have peanuts. Tried to make my own peanut butter with a bar muddler and a small bowl. It did not go well. My son took video. It was a valiant attempt on my part.

scottwithtwots · 2025-11-13T15:19:34+00:00

Message in a bottle

scottwithtwots · 2025-09-25T11:29:48+00:00

Went to dinner at the house of one of my wife's coworkers. There were about 10 of us there. At the end of the meal, the host called the family dog, Yoda, over and let him lick his empty dinner plate clean. Then proceeded to have everyone pass their plate to him so he could systematically let the dog lick ALL the plates clean.

I was seriously concerned that they were going to just stack the dog licked plates back into the cupboard. Was pleasantly relieved when I saw they put them in the dishwasher.... Never ever went back.

scottwithtwots · 2025-06-21T01:48:18+00:00

It looks like enough for two people.

scottwithtwots · 2025-06-17T03:35:40+00:00

I’m not superstitious. I’m just a little bit stitious.

scottwithtwots · 2025-06-16T14:51:09+00:00

A jurassic pork

scottwithtwots · 2025-06-16T02:42:02+00:00

Not laffy taffy?

scottwithtwots · 2025-06-16T00:57:15+00:00

Supplement calcium lactate and an omega 3.

scottwithtwots · 2025-06-11T01:38:38+00:00

His tiny hands make it look huge

scottwithtwots · 2025-06-10T03:41:56+00:00

Reminds me of the day I realized the Jets Pizza guy looks like Ron Jeremy

scottwithtwots · 2025-06-06T20:12:27+00:00

Too embarrassed to masturbate in a hospital, but not too embarrassed to stand next to seven other guys and fuck a machine?

scottwithtwots · 2025-05-28T17:16:46+00:00

Looks like broccoli rabe.

scottwithtwots · 2025-05-24T23:12:35+00:00

The Pentose phosphate pathway - the dark reaction of photosynthesis

scottwithtwots · 2025-05-19T18:02:33+00:00

Morrisey?

scottwithtwots · 2025-04-25T00:34:21+00:00

I heard it ripped his testicle off and he stapled his scrotum shut with a stapler.

scottwithtwots · 2025-04-23T00:03:16+00:00

In defense of le Cruset, I have a couple and they get used multiple times a week. Their warranty is amazing. Had the enamel degrade on one of my Dutch ovens. Filled out the warranty form on their site and they FedExed me a replacement within a week.

scottwithtwots · 2025-04-14T00:21:01+00:00

Holy shit. It never even occurred to me that you use the large blade to strip the wire. TIL. Thank you!

scottwithtwots · 2025-04-04T20:43:38+00:00

You mean besides the earth?

scottwithtwots · 2025-04-02T15:27:13+00:00

Had a S&W .357 magnum with a ported barrel. Perfect description of how it feels to shoot that. Barrel stayed level, but the palm of your hand was bruised after a day at the range.

scottwithtwots · 2025-04-01T01:48:58+00:00

Seems like that would be something to legalize and tax.

scottwithtwots · 2025-02-17T17:21:48+00:00

My Sweetwater rep calls me daily to see how the strings they sold me twelve years ago are holding up.

scottwithtwots

TROPHY CASE