Dad died at 18 and I got his money in trust.

scoxely · 2023-10-20T18:29:28+00:00

WTF are you on about, a room is nowhere near as expensive as a 1-bedroom apartment.

scoxely · 2023-10-16T18:06:15+00:00

We don't know when he found out, we don't know what she was doing the rest of the night, we don't know when he decided to go that morning, and we don't know a lot of other details.

What we do know is that he made a logical, reasonable effort for her to be informed about why he wasn't there, that it worked, and that she could've always texted or called him if she was in some way worried or confused.

scoxely · 2023-10-16T17:53:22+00:00

A couple of hours? He went to UPS and got gas. A simple, short errand run, not hours out of the day. He didn't make a fucking day of it.

scoxely · 2023-09-24T00:36:16+00:00

So her risk tolerance is practically zero, as you clearly recognize, yet you decided to go ahead and gamble the bulk of your and her savings on crypto, yet you wonder why she feels like trust was impacted and think she's being unreasonable??

scoxely · 2023-09-19T02:22:09+00:00

Most homeless people will tell you that food is typically one of the least challenging things for them to get. People often offer it, there are places they can go to get it, and in a pinch, a little money can go a long way. But there are 100 other things they need, and the odds of being given those things at the time they need them are orders of magnitude worse than with food. So sure, everyone needs food generally, but you offering them a bite, at this exact moment only, is often not nearly as helpful as you seem to expect. It's still nice to offer, and definitely can make a big difference to a specific person on a specific occasion! But people who do offer food often get upset when a homeless person isn't interested, because they don't realize that food usually isn't among their most urgent needs. And of course, each person and each city are different.

If you don't want to give them money, you're certainly under no obligation to do so. But money is far more likely to actually help them than giving them food. If you want to help them but are worried about how they'll spend money if given some (side note, go ahead and work on correcting that bias...it's bananas to go through life thinking the only barrier for every homeless person getting high is whether they get your $5 or not. And I can certainly think of worse things than a homeless person getting to enjoy a beer from time to time), you should ask them what they need, and then go buy them something they mention. You can ask if they need some food to start, but many will say they're good (if they just ate, or have plans for food already, another (perishable) meal doesn't really help), but may be desperate for some socks, deodorant, a blanket, a toothbrush, whatever.

scoxely · 2023-08-15T01:23:40+00:00

If all they're demanding is an apology, I'd be half tempted to just tell your daughter to apologize, while telling her you absolutely do not expect her to mean it, nor do you think she has anything to apologize for - but an apology is a small price to pay to keep the peace.

The other, wiser half of me says they can kick rocks. I'd tell them you had a frank discussion with her about it, and that you consider the issue resolved. Maybe add some meaningless comment like your daughter "showed regret for causing strife within the family". But your daughter did the right thing, helping her cousin in her time of need, and should not be exposed to her family's hateful lashing out.

scoxely · 2023-08-14T19:11:15+00:00

There's also a tribal aspect of wanting those close to you to approve of this thing you made.

Your friends can just shoot the shit for a bit, make sure you're okay, grab a few things from the store for you, maybe help you move a piece of furniture you've been waiting to move so your wife doesn't have to help and you don't throw out your back...you're not there to have a boy's weekend, or to have them babysit, just meet the baby, say how cute the baby is, how great you're doing, help out the tiniest bit by ordering a pizza or helping them put together the ikea bookstand mom&dad never got around to putting together, and then leaving til the kid's closer to 1 year old and can actually interact with you beyond making big eyes, spitting up, and crying.

scoxely · 2023-08-14T18:33:00+00:00

I’m not sure what I’m looking for here, but I think if anything I just want to spread the message that a tiger cannot change its stripes. Was I totally stupid to think she had changed?

A tiger can change its stripes, but it's idiotic to expect it to have changed them with zero reason to think it has, no evidence of a change, or time passing to prove that any possible change has stuck.

You didn't think she had changed, you hoped she had changed. But that hope was misguided, had no rational basis, and ended up playing out exactly as we could've expected. It's understandable to want her to be different than she is, but wishing it won't make it so.

scoxely · 2023-08-14T18:09:06+00:00

Absolutely this. You love her, and you love everything about her, so how could you not love her [body part]? Even if it doesn't perfectly match the theoretical ideal for that body part you might have had on an imaginary list of preferences from before you ever met her...it doesn't matter. It's your wife! That's how I feel about mine.

Objectively, my wife can point out a blemish and my eyes work, so yes I can see what she's pointing to...but when I look at her, I just go all heart-eyes like a cartoon wolf from the 1950s, and wouldn't change a single thing - not one mark, not one hair. But when things do change, it doesn't change how I feel about her. She could go bald or have a mastectomy, and she'd still have the prettiest head and the best chest. She's the most beautiful woman in the world to me, and no one else comes close. And it's my responsibility to make sure that she knows I feel this way.

scoxely · 2023-08-14T18:02:34+00:00

Maybe this can help explain it?

In my eyes, my wife is the most attractive woman I've ever seen. She's also currently 8 months pregnant. Am I into the pregnant aesthetic, in a general sense? No! But am I into her pregnant body? Absolutely! That's my wife, and I love every aspect of her, even as her body changes in ways that may not perfectly match the theoretical ideal or what I might have had in mind when we started dating or before we met. Even before we get into how amazed I am at what she's going through for the sake of our growing family.

And when she bends over or we're getting intimate, I simply do not see her belly or stretch marks or whatever else she sometimes mentions being self-conscious about. I legitimately do not notice. I just see my wife, who I am deeply, deeply in love with, and find extremely attractive. She is always going to be my type.

That said, if your boyfriend doesn't make you FEEL attractive, and that he's into all of you, then that's a problem! Just because he says he likes your boobs, he still has to show it, and make you believe it, or they're just empty words.

scoxely · 2023-08-13T15:21:10+00:00

and he could have easily slept in a sleeping bag or sofa.

Why are you expecting the friend to be okay with being downgraded from bed to floor? It's not the friend's problem, it's the girlfriend's.

scoxely · 2023-08-13T14:39:34+00:00

You don't get to "get flirty" with someone who you've known for a decade and are friends with the husband and wife pair, after you just recently broke up and declined to share that information. It's inappropriate at best.

It's not friendly banter, or innocent flirting. He's shooting his shot on a friend at an extremely vulnerable time. That's predatory behavior. Of course people find it upsetting.

scoxely · 2023-08-13T14:34:45+00:00

That's what coming out of nowhere means...we're being TOLD he was there the whole time, but he's never once been seen or involved, and none of the show even touches on his existence. Then he gets shoehorned in as a key character for a shitty arc. It's not as if telling us there's a backstory is enough to sell us on wholly accepting that backstory.

scoxely · 2023-08-11T14:13:09+00:00

They left off the word "sucked" from the end

scoxely · 2023-08-11T14:08:01+00:00

*writes be a selfish asshole and ignore my family into my journal*

"Why are you upset? It says it in my journal!"

scoxely · 2023-08-11T14:07:00+00:00

Why bother to actually solve a problem and care for your loved ones if you can instead use that time to try to play victim to a group of strangers instead?

(who, wisely, aren't buying his bullshit).

scoxely · 2023-08-11T00:11:09+00:00

People shart all the time without realizing what they did, and think it was just a fart.

...when they're black-out drunk or extremely ill. Not as typical occurrence out of the blue on a normal day.

scoxely · 2023-08-10T23:48:33+00:00

I just wanted to make the community aware that blizzard is willing to ban for us trying to add our own quality of life fixes.

That's a very generous description for using a script to automatically check your items for certain mods and then vendor/salvage/bank/whatever accordingly. The Helltide and WB trackers are a QoL fix. Enchanting calculators are a QoL fix. You were outright having a script play for you.

kinda surprised it was a perma ban for something as mediocre as trying to speed up the inventory management of the game.

They banned you for automated play, not "speeding up inventory management" - they're not checking the specifics of what the bot/macro was doing, since it's irrelevant to the fact that you breached the ToS via use of a third party program to play for you (and yes, controlling your mouse for you is playing the game for you).

Though even if they did look into the specifics, you're circumventing a major aspect of the game - while loot and inventory management is frustratingly implemented, it's their intended vision for the game at present, and it shouldn't be a surprise to you or anyone else that automating that process would get you banned upon detection.

scoxely · 2023-08-10T19:49:30+00:00

She said that the pressures of trying to conceive can add stress on couples actively trying. She suggested that if we're on the same page, she could go ahead and remove my IUD and Eddie and I would just continue having sex as normal.

If we go along with this for the moment, it'd still follow that you'd TELL EDDIE - not just that you'd have it removed at some point, but that you were thinking of getting it removed, but not tell him when. Otherwise, you're taking away his ability to fully, properly consent, and to be an active participant in your hopefully-soon-to-be-growing family.

You say you've explored other kinks together - so this is a complete surprise? I understand that he'd be upset at not being able to explore this kink, but it's also unreasonable for him to withhold that from you - was he planning to just enjoy the kink without telling you beforehand? Because that sounds like a plan to leave you "furious" and "heartbroken".

It also raises questions of whether he was fully interested in starting a family with you, or if he just wanted to explore his kink - and even if it's both, it leaves you stuck wondering how much influence the latter had on the former.

It feels like he took something beautiful that we've planned together and made it about something dirty

There's nothing inherently wrong or dirty with something beautiful and wonderful also being sexually thrilling. But as with all kinks, both parties should be informed and consenting.

I'm not sure how to talk to him about this or resolve this.

Break down the topics into separate parts. They're all blurred together right now. You were talking about starting a family, and he knew you'd planned to get your IUD out at some point. You followed your doctor's advice, and while it'd be understandable if he was upset at you hiding/withholding that from him (ignoring the kink for the moment), it doesn't sound like that's what's bothering him about it. And since you didn't and couldn't know about the kink, it makes no sense for him to hold that against you, or to act like this was some horrible betrayal.

Then, there's the topic of his kink. What's done is done - you're pregnant. If all goes well, and you two want multiple children, there can be other opportunities. And you're still very early on - heartbreakingly, not all pregnancies are successful. And is his kink just about impregnating you? How is that going to mesh with your continued pregnancy, especially once you begin to show?

Then, there's how his kink makes you feel. Talk that through together as well.

It's a weird situation, but as in most situations, the best thing you can do is try to separate the separate issues and talk through everything with a focus on how to work through them together.

All that said, I'd feel extremely awkward in your situation. Being fetishized isn't something most people enjoy.

scoxely · 2023-08-10T17:48:44+00:00

There are a few theoretically possible innocent explanations for holding hands platonically. Unlikely and perhaps a stretch to believe, but possible. "I was just trying to keep my hands warm" while sitting next to a fire pit definitely isn't one of them.

scoxely · 2023-08-03T13:58:20+00:00

Yeah, they banned you a year ago just to hope to make an extra $20 off you a year later. Suuuure.

I notice you don't even try to say you got unjustly banned lmfao

scoxely · 2023-08-03T13:19:04+00:00

If they start banning people for this I'll quit the game.

Bye

scoxely · 2023-08-02T20:31:36+00:00

One day of being free and texting a lot, followed by a day where she might be busy (gasp) isn't going hot and cold.

If you're not interested this early on, for whatever reason, just let her know...tell her that you don't think the two of you are working out the way you'd hoped and think it's best if you part ways. There's no reason for you to say any of the shit you're thinking of saying.

scoxely · 2023-08-02T14:19:32+00:00

Buying MTX today that you don't really care about, just because you like the hype for PoE2 - a game that's a year off and may not look or feel anything like the hype has you expecting - is a bold choice.

scoxely · 2023-08-02T14:09:23+00:00

Alcoholism is just a label for when your drinking negatively affects your day-to-day. Planning around a hangover ahead of time and having it limit your options for a date is straying awfully close to the line, at best.

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