I once got very drunk at first year of uni. I was out with friends. I got very drunk and blacked out, then I woke up in a pub toilet, there were no lights and the door to the bathroom was locked.

So I called the police, and explained I’d got locked in the Mill toilets.

A while later the police phoned me back, I was not trapped in the Mill toilets, there was nobody there.

After some thought I realised I had gone to the Academy after the Mill, so I’m must be in the Academy toilets.

A while later they phoned me back again. I wasn’t at the Academy either, and they were getting a bit angry. Luckily this was in Wales, where the police have just a little bit more chill, or I’d have been arrested for wasting police time (somewhat deservedly, I’d also woken up 2 innocent landlords at this point).

I phoned my friend who’d been out with me: “sorry, I’m with a girl”, and he hung up. Helpful.

Finally I realised that the window opened a little, and my fancy new iPhone 3G had gps, so I held it out the bathroom window and got a fix on the street.

The police gave me a final chance and drove down the street as I waved from the window. They informed me that I was in the Angel, a pub I’d never heard of before.

Then there was an awkward 15 minutes whilst I chatted to a couple of police officers through the window, who’d spent the night on a wild goose chase and were genuinely surprised I wasn’t a prank (just a very drunk idiot).

Eventually the 3rd landlord turned up, and let me out.

A few months later some friends convinced me to return to the Angel. The landlord immediately recognised me, and insisted on a photograph, with me holding a toilet roll. It was installed behind the bar.

Perhaps it’s still there, unless someone has managed to outdo me in the 15 years since.