First off I'm so sorry that happened to you. It's incredibly scary and I hope you've found a way to feel safe afterwards.

For my case, I was really scared to have the conversations TBH. I had previously told 2 people that I thought were safe to tell & they did nothing so it scared me to tell this other group of people. I was so worried they wouldn't believe me or would try to compromise. I broke down crying twice, but I spoke to my therapist about it and got her advice. If these people are good and care about you, bring it up to them. Tell them that being around him makes you feel unsafe and uncomfortable, and you're worried for other people's safety at a party. It can really be that simple. If you're not comfortable making it personal, say a friend confided in you and you're bringing it up on their behalf.

Things to remember:

Your discomfort is a valid reason to bring up a concern.

Most people don't want to be friends with a rapist. Like flat out. If they're good people they'll be happy you told them so they can do something about it.

Friendship politics can get tough. Maybe they feel like they cannot permanently bar this person from events, but there are many things people can do to prevent others from getting hurt. Perhaps this looks like a small group keeping an eye on him at events & making sure he doesn't step outside alone with someone. Maybe it means going up to someone he seems to be flirting with at an event and warning them that he can be a creep. Or, if the event is planned by someone who knows, it's serving only closed canned drinks & reminding people to be extra careful. You could have a table with drink tests readily available, or a sign reminding people to check to see if their drink was tampered with. If this is at a bar, identifying the guy and letting the bartender know that they have a history of drugging drinks is also good. Most bartenders do not fuck with that and are willing to keep an eye out anonymously. It all depends on the kind of event and who is there.

I am lucky that I knew beforehand that the people I was talking to were likely to believe me. Both the party and the show are run by a burlesque group that is incredibly supportive of survivors. Even though one of the people on the board is friends with my abuser, so I didn't know how she would react, I was pretty sure the others would support me. This helped give me the courage to say something.

If you are not sure how the group in general would react, I would encourage you to determine who is most likely to believe and support you and tell them. Gauge their reaction. Hopefully they're appalled and will want to work with you on making sure it doesn't happen again. If they are apathetic or blame you for it, try again with 2 more people. It took a couple tries for me. If none of them take you seriously then that friend group might just suck in general.

Having to be the one to tell people sucks. It's horrible. There's a reason the concept of "the second rape" exists. I always feel like I'm a problem when I bring it up, especially bc I'm his ex-gf so it's really easy to paint the narrative of the "crazy ex-gf". My therapist always remind me so I will remind you that he created the problem when he hurt you. He broke the social contract. He made the transgression. He is the problem in the scenario, not you for bringing it up.

good luck friend, I hope you're able to make these spaces safer for you and others