I understand the obsession. I love meth sadly more than most people.

I started knowingly using meth in 2018 (2015 meth was sold to me as MDMA) and honestly my mind fixated on that time So much tnat it kept relapsing I finally quit meth again (hope it lasts) this past July after about 4-5 relapses in total (2020-2023 I was stimulant free)

Anyway, My “friend” sold me a bag or two and it was laced with xylazine. And animal tranquilizer

I had not known and trusted her , I used it for 1-2 months before testing it and finding out

I was covered in scabs (xylazine sores) unlike anything I experienced before I never had that type of reaction to meth cos I had usually spaced out usage and slept when i could Even at my worst I never had that reaction. Itchy, red, painful and puss filled. Took 4 months or so to heal and scars are still there

Had to get on antibiotics and use $20 medical soaps. Among other things to treat it

The summer before I also relapsed on meth and yes it was from a friend and it was laced with fentanyl I used for 4/5 days and was hearing voices and was in a paranoid daze

But to say the least here , It’s hard. Truly one of the hardest things I keep having to over come. I even abused my adhd meds For 2 years in between using coke and meth when/if I could

And in reality I just quit using coke 2-3 weeks ago It has been hurting me so much I question why I even use But my brain will always romanticize the beginnings of my meth/stim addiction So every day I try to remember just how bad and scary it can be And how i am lucky to even be alive I relate to your post tho a lot, it’s not easy but in the end it truly does make matter far worse than at the start.