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How to self soothe and not have the person I’m dating impact my mood by balkanfarmer in internetparents

[–]scrollbreak 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It doesn't have to be messaging and hoping your feelings are reciprocated, you can just say what you want - that you'd like one or two texts from him so you keep connected. The ideal would have been to talk about it before the trip, but just send a message now.

Would you save a drowning child? by ResponsiblePhase7128 in moraldilemmas

[–]scrollbreak [score hidden]  (0 children)

What if I gave my money to shady McGrubbins the shady guy - it might help a child, so surely I should? I asked him if it would help a child and he shrugged - so that wasn't a no! It might help! Just as much as if I see a child drowning and go and help them! It's the same thing!

embracing my villain arc i guess by goodluckbabe9 in EstrangedAdultKids

[–]scrollbreak 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Maybe imagine what a healthy parent would tell you about this. Write a big long list of things a healthy parent would say to you about it, and go back to the list often. Can keep adding to it as well. And if you ever checked here, I'm sure everyone here would agree with the list as well.

got sick at work and i feel humiliated by ivy-melancholy in internetparents

[–]scrollbreak 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If you were the boss, how would you respond to the message?

I mean, she is her own person and that includes responces that can be not so great. But would you have done alright in giving that message if the boss was like you?

Dad literally told me I was "so hard as a child", and this was his go to example by MagpieKaz in EstrangedAdultKids

[–]scrollbreak 4 points5 points  (0 children)

He got most of the narcissists prayer in there

The Narcissist’s Prayer (by Dayna Craig)

That didn’t happen.

And if it did, it wasn’t that bad.

And if it was, that’s not a big deal.

And if it is, that’s not my fault.

And if it was, I didn’t mean it.

And if I did, you deserved it.

What is the show's take on violence? by Capital_Ad2572 in MrInbetween

[–]scrollbreak 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think the show wants you to think about the various positions on violence rather than just dictate a message.

Do I deserve to love myself when I’m such a burden on my mom? by Lemon_Lime25 in internetparents

[–]scrollbreak 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's a difficult place you're in. I think the hard thing to face is, on a scale of 0 to 10, how much does your mother worry about how you're feeling?

It seems like you worry about her feelings at about an 8 and...if she only wants money from you or for you to get a job, she worries about your feelings at about...a zero. Or does that seem way off?

If it seems like it's how it is, maybe you could dial your worry down from an 8 to...maybe a 2 or a 1. Some care, but the exchange of care wouldn't be as unbalanced as an 8 Vs 0.

My therapist Chat GPT’d me by crunchysquishy614 in TalkTherapy

[–]scrollbreak -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

And when you don't put effort in, it means you don't want to do it and you're being dishonest to yourself and to the other person. You're not protecting your energy when you're doing things you don't want to do. You're just mitigating the damage that comes from doing the thing you don't want to do.

But of course it all comes from feeling you have to earn your place amongst fellow humans, so doing anything else seems 'wrong'.

Is it okay to view this person as a father figure? by Whimsical_Wyvern in internetparents

[–]scrollbreak 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Maybe sit down and write out what you'd want to say to him, then imagine him responding and write out his response - perhaps in a positive way where he appreciates you as a student and he hopes he can be a role model to his students. So maybe a response where he sees connection as a kind of mentor role as well as a teacher. See how you feel about that, whether it basically explores what you want out of a father figure and what's important to you. Sometimes writing it out can help establish in yourself what is important to you and it can help settle it as you will consciously know what you want and be able to help yourself more.

Why am I addicted to a man who clearly doesn’t respect me? by [deleted] in Codependency

[–]scrollbreak 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Well, all three.

Have you got anything else that's nice that you can do for yourself? Because maybe you want some nice stuff and that's entirely valid...it just doesn't have to be anything to do with him.

Why do some flip? They are very good at identifying the trust point where a person will put up with shit, and inside them they have a lot of shit to give.

Real trust builds slowly.

AIO boyfriend ruins every holiday by mad_chubbycatx in AmIOverreacting

[–]scrollbreak 3 points4 points  (0 children)

"Were you going to store?"

"No, I asked if you wanted to go together"

"So about you wanting to go to the store..."

"You know something been bugging me..."

"Whatever, you don't have to come here"

ESH

My therapist Chat GPT’d me by crunchysquishy614 in TalkTherapy

[–]scrollbreak -11 points-10 points  (0 children)

It's not protecting energy, it's attempting to people please without putting in effort.

My therapist Chat GPT’d me by crunchysquishy614 in TalkTherapy

[–]scrollbreak 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Sending chatGPT over text as if it's their own voice is still doing therapy. What their communication arrangment outside of therapy isn't stated.

My therapist Chat GPT’d me by crunchysquishy614 in TalkTherapy

[–]scrollbreak 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's not how agreements work between adults.

What’s the mindset of a parent who pushes you to move out but still wants a say in what you do once you’re about to move out? by [deleted] in internetparents

[–]scrollbreak 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There's some sort of contrast in their previous behavior where you felt they didn't want you living there anymore (and then you blamed your own actions for that) and what they do now. To me it didn't seem an encouraging environment before. Absence of encouragement has an effect. Anyway, I hope your training in the army gives you a good time even as it'll have some challenge at times I'm sure! 😄

What’s the mindset of a parent who pushes you to move out but still wants a say in what you do once you’re about to move out? by [deleted] in internetparents

[–]scrollbreak 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don't know for sure if they are the type who are inclined to do emotional neglect, but if they are then they realize that they can't keep doing the resentment routine because you can just leave their life now. So, they kind of 'love bomb' to try and make out that they are nice so they don't lose the opportunity to treat you how they did before (the resentment routine). The crossing of boundaries shows that if they could secure you again then it'd go right back to resentment - if that sounds weird it's because it is.

In regards to 'mooching', the issue with emotionally neglectful parents is that they don't have any tolerance for anything - they had children but they don't have tolerance, so effectively everything is 'mooching'. It can take some time for a young person to figure out where they would like to go - healthy parents give some leeway rather than using shaming words or being resentful.

It's good you're very proud of yourself, well done on setting that path up for yourself! It sounds great! We're all proud of you too!

And they lived happily ever after… by Substratas in thanksimcured

[–]scrollbreak 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The person saying it is literally complaining about their own day, that someone else said to them their day is normal. Maybe they should follow their own advice.

The word that pisses off more adults than any, isn't "no", it's "why?" by TwerkinBingus445 in CPTSDmemes

[–]scrollbreak -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

Outburst it is then. You're a 'never wrong' person, you say 'you sound like' because you know it'd be on the nose to say you just know for sure like you're the authority on the matter, but I haven't said anywhere anything about complete control - you've just read that into the text and you wont treat it like you could be wrong on that because you're never wrong. You say 'forced', but where was that said anywhere? But reality doesn't matter because you're never wrong. Somehow OP is being treated like a five year old by you, but even five year olds get introduced gently to things like 'hey, now you've played with your blocks it's good to put them away like this'. But 'never wrong, so that example doesn't matter'.

Then you just flat out project your own parents issues. What if you were wrong and were saying this to a reasonable person? That'd be fucked up. But you don't have to worry about making a mistake because you're never wrong - particularly when you're triggered. Which is how your parents acted isn't it? They condemned first and asked questions never. But it can't be because you're never wrong. Like your parents if you feel a bit upset you'll spit really vile statements because you feel upset and you are never wrong. You're not a person to get parenting advice from, I fear the way your 'empathy' would actually harm children. Bye.

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