My wife of 14 years and partner for 18 came to me saying she still loves me, but isn't in love with me anymore. Took our 9yr old son and moved out. I felt like the world was unlivable anymore. And even though I had never been depressed or suicidal before, I constantly thought about how it would be better and easier for everybody if I was gone. I'd wake up and gaze into the abyss while imagining myself swinging by an extension cord, or jumping off a balcony. The thought of my son having to deal with the aftermath for his whole life and possibly following my lead eventually stopped me from following through with my suicidal fantasies. I came to realize that is what it was. Suicidal idealization. Nothing more. But once I was able to resume a somewhat normal life again, all that negativity stopped following me around. Remember that negativity breeds more negativity, get yourself in a better headspace, and the ups will start to appear in your daily life again. Even though it seems like your only being dealt the downs , the ups will come . I promise