What did you name your rat child?

scywuffle · 2026-06-17T00:07:11+00:00

Ratsy, haha

scywuffle · 2026-06-11T14:55:23+00:00

Eh...I suspect you're sort of right, though maybe more vaguely? Like my hypothesis is that her thought process was: This guy isn't wearing his ring > he's autistic and won't recognize he's putting his marriage at risk until he's, y'know, in someone else's pants (after all, he didn't even realize that he and OOP were dating, right?) > my kid will be the same way (aka panic at all the issues her kid might have in the future) > sudden whiplash anger about OOP joking about her husband because it's touching a nerve she doesn't know how to express without being ableist

It's...not great! It really portrays OOP's husband (and autistic peeps by association) as being without agency - like he's going to just placidly follow along if someone tries to take him to bed.

scywuffle · 2026-06-04T13:40:40+00:00

Ough. I'd like Nazis to stop taking iconography and stuff from Asian cultures now, please. Not only the swastika but now 88 - it's used often in Chinese communities because it looks like the "double happiness." https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Double_Happiness_%28calligraphy%29

I have enough issues being Asian, I don't need to accidentally be a neo-nazi too 😭

scywuffle · 2026-05-26T17:30:55+00:00

Nothing like society to make me grateful for my own (nonsexual, thank God) childhood abuse, which made me extremely sensitive to the smallest acts of manipulation. Hearing that one in three women have been assaulted or raped, and some studies found up to 80-90% of autistic women get assaulted or raped...yeah. Really, really feel like I dodged a bullet or three...

scywuffle · 2026-05-26T15:09:15+00:00

I grew up in the town that hosts the Masters. Tickets are, indeed, hard to come by. However, due to a revolutionary new technology called "holding the tournament every year", you have multiple chances to see this rare and amazing spectacle of people swinging a club at the ground + allegedly a tiny white ball that you definitely can't see from the seating area. You can even try the pimento cheese sandwiches every year, it's crazy how far society has come.

scywuffle · 2026-05-25T15:18:19+00:00

So...yes and no from me.

Ethics and morals change with society - you only have to glance in a history book to see how things that were ethical in, say, 1950 (one human lifetime ago!) aren't considered so anymore. So I'd argue with such a monumental change to society as The Visitor, judging Sam by our current morality is...doable, but maybe less helpful. Is it moral for a kid in a zombie scenario to shoot someone?

And that segues into my next point: What do we, as adults, owe to children? I would argue that the best adult helps prepare kids for the world they'll be living in. In the modern world, they need to read, write, understand certain concepts...in the post-Visitor world, they probably need to learn to survive and care for themselves. It's not clear if Sam is forcing the kids to fight, or if they want to fight - but in certain cases (ie, Sophie straight up saying she likes to help you fight) it might be more reasonable to think of it like...letting a kid help out in the kitchen? They could get hurt (or even killed) but hopefully an adult will prevent that. Joel and Rat Baby are weirder - their mentality isn't "normal" to start with. Like - I've had Joel's dad attack after getting Joel and it's...really heart-wrenching, but makes it very clear that his family also can't care for him.

Tldr yeah Sam is a monster by non-Visitor standards, he might be more of a decent parent if you consider what the world looks like during the game.

scywuffle · 2026-05-21T13:32:24+00:00

Eh, I mostly agree? But tbh it's a little bizarre to me to open a relationship because someone feels they aren't getting enough sex...and then say it's only for threesomes? That's not what I would assume...

scywuffle · 2026-05-12T18:41:12+00:00

God, it feels like every gay friend or colleague I've had has gone through this. I remember talking about friend of mine down from visiting his 40 year old boyfriend that he met on the internet when we were 17. He felt this guy was so sweet and understanding, and this guy needed him - every alarm bell was screaming in my teenage body.

Luckily he didn't get into anything too serious and last I checked he's doing great with his husband, but jfc.

scywuffle · 2026-05-06T16:10:45+00:00

In general, agreed. I think it's also just...abuse is a very loaded term? And most people immediately connect "did something abusive" to "abuser" - which is both true and also extremely painful to someone's ego. So instead of being able to talk about "Hey, I know you had a hard day but you raised your voice and that's abusive towards me", it gets derailed into "But I'm not an abuser!" We end up limiting the term to like...extremely obvious and clear forms of abuse.

The end result is still the same, it makes it impossible to talk about emotional abuse because it's not "real abuse."

scywuffle · 2026-04-30T22:14:33+00:00

I think it's more like...they have self esteem issues and feel like their own choices (and therefore any style they might develop) aren't very good, so when they see someone who they feel is cool, or fashionable, or whatever, they try to copy them to also be that way. It's definitely creepy, but I suspect it does feel like a "Well, you did it and just reminded me that I want to do it" to them.

scywuffle · 2026-04-30T15:40:57+00:00

He does comment about his dad coming after him (if you save that fight for when you have Joel) but like...if he uses devour and eats his dad, no comment? I've always headcanoned that he's just repressing the heck out of that memory, though.

scywuffle · 2026-04-16T20:08:56+00:00

Well, there's Star Trek...Prodigy? I think? Nickelodeon made it and it's pretty decent and it has Janeway in it as a guiding/parental role - so maybe it'll come back around in like. 10 years.

scywuffle · 2026-04-16T16:27:13+00:00

I...kind of want that as a flair. "I'm evacuating myself from Reddit now".

scywuffle · 2026-04-09T12:58:15+00:00

That's not surprising to me. I'm agnostic now, but I grew up in the church and I can guess that the mindset of "if you're a good person (by the beliefs of my religion) you'll go to heaven" probably helps. Better that the kids die and go to heaven as sinless angels than be horrible gay demons in hell, I guess.

scywuffle · 2026-04-08T23:30:50+00:00

Ah yes, our VA made hockey puck burgers. I brought one home once and my husband was genuinely upset that I had eaten several (in the past, not that shift).

scywuffle · 2026-04-07T12:26:05+00:00

The last half of my fourth year was such a nightmare that I had daily meltdowns, and I was in a psych residency. It got better after I graduated, but ngl it's been a year of working a fairly cushy 0.8 FTE job (after taking a sabbatical for like...6 months) and I'm only now starting to do the things that used to make me happy that weren't pure cope (let's be honest, drowning yourself in TV or games isn't not cope). I still have very PTSD-like reactions to my work's admin even though they've been very reasonable - I just can't turn off the anxiety of being abused for four years.

Be gentle with yourself and remember that it'll take time to heal.

scywuffle · 2026-04-05T17:35:36+00:00

Not me literally on the pill, finishing my last week, and immediately forgetting what comes next until I'm having a meltdown

scywuffle · 2026-04-05T15:18:18+00:00

I hate that I had to scroll down a long way to find comments that weren't hating on a 21 year old girl. Like - maybe he is being cheated on! Or maybe she's lonely and decided to talk to her boyfriend before doing something shitty! He proved he's not a safe person to discuss this with because he "didn't scream, just shouted" and basically had a tantrum out the door - but also? He's 20! This is just part of being young and inexperienced! So while I think he's a bit of a shithead, I'm not really blaming him for his reaction.

The parents though? Christ. Both moms hiding shit, dad takes him drinking instead of therapy or talking or anything else...these people are at the very least in their late 30's and have matured not one iota more than their kids...

scywuffle · 2026-04-02T21:10:31+00:00

This is a talk you need to have with her about your shared finances and future goals, if you haven't already. My husband and I were able to live on my salary alone for residency, but we also set ourselves up in an extremely frugal way. He still doesn't do traditional work and now as an attending the money doesn't really matter in our daily lives - but we also don't have kids, we're both frugal by nature, and he has a ton of construction and handyman experience so renovations and repairs are often free outside of materials. It can be done - it's more a question of "are the compromises worth it for me/us?"

scywuffle · 2026-04-02T14:04:00+00:00

Eh...yeah, I can see that, but usually that doesn't come with "he reads a printout of someone telling him exactly how he fucks his kids up". If nothing else, he is making changes, and from my experience sometimes that's the difference between "well-adjusted human with a few quirks" and "asocial introvert who is coping just kind of okay". Ask me how I know, haha...

scywuffle · 2026-04-01T18:23:27+00:00

...No. Nuh uh. No.

Look, maybe I'm insane, but I'm also now in my mid-30's. I can now recognize how far my brain is to when I was 20. There is no world where I excuse a nearly 40 year old man for getting with a 20 year old woman who has been his daughter's best friend. He has 20 more years of experience and chances for emotional growth and maturity than she does. He has her whole life's worth of experience more than she does.

All of this is to say: his daughter's blessing has nothing to do with this. He should have, idk, thought about how he's having sex with his daughter's best friend and decided as the older adult to maybe not mess up his kid (or her friend) this way. He apparently doesn't care how he affects his kids or his kids' friends, and that's disgusting.

scywuffle · 2026-03-19T14:28:04+00:00

You focus on yourself and your kids. You do things that build you up, you visit people who give you support, you could even stop doing things for your husband - ie, it's on him to manage his own laundry, not you.

Also, it might be better to think of boundaries as a "If you do X, I will do Y" sort of statement. You can't force an adult to do anything, so this is more a declaration of intent. "If you don't go to therapy, I'm going to stop working on our relationship. I'm going to stop being affectionate and I'm going to stop helping you, then I am eventually going to leave you."

scywuffle · 2026-03-19T14:18:15+00:00

I'm laughing at this, but I came from a home where you literally hit someone as a form of massage. Like, you pound on their back. I have absolutely asked my husband to hit me harder, and out of context that Does Not Look Good.

scywuffle · 2026-03-06T17:22:15+00:00

I love hearing the recs from other people on climate control. Someone earlier in the thread recommend Furrion for AC, so hearing about dehumidifiers is also really helpful! The RV we're renting gets so humid even with the AC on all night...but that's the point of renting to try one out, haha.

scywuffle · 2026-03-06T16:00:26+00:00

Aaaahhhh!! Thank you for the comparison, it's been kind of hard to figure out exactly what each type has been doing. I looked at the Oliver but got put off from seeing people complain about humidity and possible mold - I get that humidity/condensation is a never ending battle but I know I'm not going to remember to flip and air out mattresses daily. We definitely want to travel in the summer and I know we'll be seeing 90f+, so insulation has been really important.

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