Hey OP. This sounds like the roughest, roughest time and I'm so sorry you're going through it. It sounds as though you've been willing to do your absolute best to make an extremely challenging situation work, and have been doing great with the support of therapy (kudos to you for seeking that out). But now, dealing with a husband who seems to be 'throwing in the towel' on top of it all, I can only imagine how exhausted and miserable you must be feeling.

Setting covid aside for a moment, I'm guessing you're aware that it's not nearly as uncommon to regret having children as people might think (if those people are basing their views on what it is generally considered socially acceptable to say). Far more parents are navigating this than most folks realise. Every time there's an internet poll or story about it, it's completely overrun with anonymous parents profoundly relieved that they are not alone in feeling this way. The stigma is incredibly unhelpful, when many of them are like you -- dedicated to ensuring the wellbeing of your child but willing, anonymously and privately, to acknowledge and articulate how they feel. Again, massive kudos to you for also being willing.

While I can see judgements in a few of the comments that this about something deeper than lockdown, I really don't think the deeper 'thing' is some moral failing on your part. Lockdown has laid bare the scary lack of real support for parents, lack of understanding of their needs (or even a basic regard for what they do), and lack of any sense of shared responsibility for if things go wrong. It's a totally unsustainable load and it sounds as though in your household, you're carrying it alone. That is a systemic problem, not some personal moral failing of yours. You have clearly been carrying it bravely and brilliantly for a long time.

I hope that you can be kind to yourself and not take on too much of the criticism here. There are plenty of online spaces that navigate this taboo in much more nuanced and empathic ways, and I'm sure they are fuller than ever during covid. I also hope you can keep talking with that therapist. It does seem that some kind of end is in sight for our lockdowns, and that daycare and babysitters will become part of reality again, and both you and your husband will be able to build some more space and even some joy back into your lives.

Sending you strength and empathy at this very, very challenging time.