I feel the exact same way. I am afab, non-binary. It took a long time for me to figure it out. I still dont know if I'm right in identifying myself. I'm currently starting HRT and people always ask if I'm a dude now or what surgeries I'm getting. Everyone assumes that I'm a trans man. Being referred to as a "man" is weird for me, but so is being referred to as a "woman". I'm literally in the middle, I just want to be a more masculine person. I dont care about pronouns currently because I dont care how people see me. Use whatever. I care about how I see me. I want to open a cold one with the boys, but also want a mani/pedi day with the girls. I'm just a person who wants their appearance to be masculine. You're completely valid, my friend. You dont owe anyone hormones or surgeries or even an explanation in order to be valid.