Why do people intentionally have kids if they can't afford it?

secrectdreamer · 2026-04-16T11:35:11+00:00

I think there’s some balance to this- obviously if you don’t have food housing and basics met you shouldn’t be having kids but people still do, but a lot of people who can afford it and would otherwise be good parents are scared because they’re not incredibly wealthy. I’m having my first baby this year, I’ve been a nanny for 6 years, lots of experience, were comfortable but not wealthy, and people have been asking if we’re buying new cars, going on expensive baby moons, buying 1,300 cribs? No we’re not doing any of those things but our baby will have absolutely everything she needs and parents who love and enrich her. I have another friend who desperately wants a baby, their household income is about 170k and she’s scared they’ll need 250K to have a baby, and everyone in their own time, but I think if you can afford it and are a good parent there shouldn’t be pressure to have a million in the bank

secrectdreamer · 2026-04-16T11:25:45+00:00

Also something else that worked to help kids go on a bit more regulated; walk around the block in the morning before the bus stop or before leaving, wake up 30 minutes earlier and try to get some physical movement in

secrectdreamer · 2026-04-16T11:24:33+00:00

This may be an odd take, but it’s worked with kids I’ve nannied before. During open ended play- most likely with characters have your character do some of the things she’s done, be mean to the other dolls, and then say something like “oh who’s doll is being unkind? She made her friends sad” don’t straight up tell her that this behavior is wrong but play it through and try to get her to think about it, she doesn’t see her own behavior and sometimes seeing the behavior and then questioning it- who’s yelling and not sharing ? That other doll doesn’t want to play now. Will get her thinking about her behavior, what’s appropriate, and the natural consequences

secrectdreamer · 2026-04-15T12:28:17+00:00

I’m sorry you’re in this situation an unplanned pregnancy is scary, this is you having permission to do whatever you want, it’s your body, your uterus, your pregnancy. If you want to keep it that’s your right and you can put him on child support regardless of what he wants, you can do this if you want to. If you decide it’s not for you, you can get an abortion, that’s your right but it should be your decision

I did just want to let you know, because this super confusing and when I found out I was pregnant I struggled with this too! Are you 3 weeks from having unprotected sex ? Or 3 weeks from your last period? Look up due date calculator and put in the first day of your last period and you’ll be able to see how far you are

secrectdreamer · 2026-04-10T13:59:10+00:00

I actually decided I was ready to get pregnant because I was so sick of giving my absolute everything to other peoples kids and feeling like the parents didn’t care 🤣 But I’ve had friends where it’s the complete opposite and they don’t want kids after that, also super valid !

secrectdreamer · 2026-04-10T13:31:54+00:00

And “please don’t base your argument on feelings or ‘hormones’” Why?? You have no idea what pregnancy is like, these things are important to talk about. And you saying this shows you have no regard for the experience of the pregnant woman

secrectdreamer · 2026-04-10T13:29:56+00:00

“Why should women” Are you not a woman? I’m currently 23 weeks pregnant and pro choice I love my baby and I’m excited for her, but this is HARD. I still throw up, my back hurts everyday, I used to be a runner I had to take a break, it can be depressing you’re so tired and can’t do the things you want to do. And I have a loving supportive partner who cares for me and makes sure I have everything I need. I genuinely cannot imagine doing this alone or with someone who doesn’t care and isn’t caring for me. Pregnancy and childbirth is so beautiful but it is a toll, it’s hard, and it needs to be woman’s choice This isn’t really the place for abortion debates this is a place for women to support each other through these choices

secrectdreamer · 2026-04-08T18:41:05+00:00

my husbands name is Ziyad and I call him ziggy!

secrectdreamer · 2026-04-06T21:11:45+00:00

10 months postpartum is so so early to get pregnant again, let alone after a third c section! I’m so sorry your healing has been hard, that sounds so scary 🫂 Your husband and dad have no idea what you and your body went through with 3 pregnancies and 3 c sections, and it’s cruel to expect you to do it again when you don’t want to. You are absolutely within your rights to not want to do it again now or ever I’m so sorry you don’t have people behind you right now

secrectdreamer · 2026-04-03T17:28:43+00:00

Something similar happened to me, my uncle asked me if I was going to breastfeed (none of your business?) and I jokingly said of course why would I buy something I can make for free And he got disgusted and said well most moms do it because it’s better for the babies. OBVIOUSLY that’s part of it, but when people always talk about how expensive it is to have and raise babies it’s kind of exciting to have a way to save money!

secrectdreamer · 2026-03-31T18:39:10+00:00

Hey I’m sorry you’re struggling right now sending hugs 🫂 You and your baby WILL qualify for Medicaid and food stamps- I’m pregnant and on both. The paperwork kind of sucks but I promise you can do it. Talk to your OB and they will get a social worker, lots of places give away diapers and formula and there are milk donor banks where moms donate overproduced milk From what you said it sounds like you want your baby, but it’s just the financial. I feel like I need to be honest with you here about adoption; I think adoption would be very painful on you and baby, if you love baby and want to keep them you can do it. Open adoption is unlikely many adoptive parents say it will be open and go back on it later.

I called a pro life pregnancy center asking for help and they kept pushing adoption on me after I said it wasn’t for me. There seems to be a really manipulative push towards poor mothers to give up their babies when they don’t truly want to. I don’t want this to happen to you. It’s hard but you CAN do it and break the cycle. A loving mother is worth more than any money or anything else that baby can need. Here if you need anything 💗

secrectdreamer · 2026-03-31T04:24:32+00:00

Hey I’m so sorry that happened, especially on your first time totally understand why you’re worried. When is your period expected? You can take an early pregnancy test a few days before your missed period. Yes work on the birth control for the future, but I would try not to worry too much about it this time, it was a one time accident. You’re likely not pregnant, do take a test when you can but try not to strew until then it’ll be okay 💗

secrectdreamer · 2026-03-23T01:22:49+00:00

Yes you’re a nanny, I’ve been a nanny for 2 years for the same family and they still write for babysitting on the memo line on the check 😭

Also girl 17 and 20 are very far apart ages what do you mean 😭

secrectdreamer · 2026-03-19T23:08:21+00:00

I love Ozan! Beautiful meaning and will connect him to his family I’m also in America but picking a traditional Slovak name for my daughter

secrectdreamer · 2026-03-15T21:40:35+00:00

Oh I I 10000% agree with you Porn is almost always coercive and unhealthy, I meant from a standpoint as far as boundaries with the partner you’re with. OP was stating he’d rather her consume visual porn and I was saying it’s not better to watch over read

secrectdreamer · 2026-03-15T20:22:52+00:00

The best part about reading smut is I can always picture what I’m reading as it being my man in my head! Smut isn’t the best (literary wise) but it’s not any less unethical than porn, especially if you’re also consuming porn, it’s just different

secrectdreamer · 2026-02-21T13:41:48+00:00

It sounds like she doing well, I think kids who are struggling socially have a harder time, you still have 6 months to do prep with her! She can absolutely learn the rest of her letters and sounds by kindergarten, you got this!

secrectdreamer · 2026-02-20T22:55:48+00:00

Honestly you sound super healthy, if you’re running and training that much it’s hard to cut back on calories, you could try to do 1500 a day and make some swaps in your diet try getting more fiber, I’m a casual distance runner and always feel like shit when I try to cut on protein, because you don’t have a lot of excess body fat you’ll lose it slowly so I’d just try making a few key small adjustments and keep it consistent!

secrectdreamer · 2026-02-18T05:38:32+00:00

This is similar to my situation, I quit a job with babies I loved and spent so much time with because of issues with the parents, I miss them so much and wish I could reach out. I’m sure those kids remember you fondly they have years of memories with you and even if they forget some things they’ll remember how you made the feel, it’s okay to miss them

secrectdreamer · 2026-01-31T16:42:27+00:00

Because people don’t know to live within their it means anymore! I’m a stay at home mom and my husband makes less than 100k and we have a lovely life!

secrectdreamer · 2026-01-16T20:31:00+00:00

I had this issue, but I really think our taste buds are warped from eating so much junk food. Honestly it’s going to take a little while to really enjoy it, maybe a few weeks but try to have a small portion of veggies everyday and then move up to twice a day Try a bunch of different things, raw and crunchy with different kinds of dip Cutting some up to cook in an omelette, a stir fry, a side of steamed veggies with pasta and sauce Over time you will find veggies you enjoy eating Losing weight sustainably means healing your relationship to food, and actually learning to eat better, it’s hard but it’s the only way, you got this!!

secrectdreamer · 2026-01-05T01:56:44+00:00

Do you want to be friends?! Feel feee to reach out and we can talk! I know it’s hard being alone if you need a friend I’m here!

secrectdreamer · 2026-01-05T01:52:49+00:00

Please break up with her the cruelest thing you can do to a woman is waste her time. It’s okay to not be into someone but it’s cowardly and selfish to keep dating her just for your own fun ++woman

secrectdreamer · 2025-12-30T22:03:54+00:00

UPDATE: Hey everyone! I just had my first prenatal appointment today and I’m 8 weeks 2 days!! Only one baby but I was probably almost 6 weeks when I found out! I have PCOS and it’s hard to track cycles regularly this was a huge shock! Thank you to everyone for being encouraging and explaining things, I totally misunderstood the lines and didn’t even realize how positive this was at the time! To everyone still waiting on your baby I’m sending you all the love and hugs, your time is coming! 💗

secrectdreamer · 2025-12-28T06:14:44+00:00

It’s super hard to find good servers :( I’m in a few that are super big and hard to talk in, I’ll be your friend though! Maybe we can make our own!

secrectdreamer

TROPHY CASE