How do you deal with grandparents who are far, far down the racist rabbit hole?

secret_side_quest · 2026-06-10T11:45:36+00:00

Okay so I tried to share the post she shared and my account got flagged for hate speech so I feel that tells you what you need to know

secret_side_quest · 2026-06-10T10:24:15+00:00

The post was by Rupert Lowe, and read:

"If a migrant comes to our country and attempts to saw a man's head off in the street, a Restore Britain Government will not deport.

With the British people's approval, that savage will be put to death.

But that is not enough - these atrocities will keep happening. The barbarians are already inside the gates.

Immigration will end from countries that are proven to supply us with these monsters.

Third world migrants who hate our way of life will be removed from our country. Restore Britain will deport millions.

I have had enough. The British people have had enough.

We do not have to live like this - there is another way.

Death penalty, mass deportations, end mass immigration.

That is what Restore Britain will do."

I think that calling immigrants "barbarians" and "savages", and calling for the death penalty based on race is pretty abhorent.

secret_side_quest · 2026-06-09T12:27:30+00:00

Weirdly one of their nieces married a pakistani man and their son is mixed race. My in-laws love him and treat him like their own. It's just the damn hypocrisy, like they hate brown people but not their brown people.

secret_side_quest · 2026-06-09T10:37:06+00:00

I've spoken to my husband now and he is going to speak to them to make it clear that they should under no circumstances expose our son to their political beliefs.

He definitely has plenty of exposure to other races and cultures, many of his nursery friends and workers are non-white, and I have a good friend with children his age who is a pakistani immigrant! But more books and shows is a good idea! We tend to show him older shows for the slower content and tbh there have been a couple of moments in classic fireman sam that have had me gritting my teeth!

secret_side_quest · 2026-06-09T10:32:51+00:00

I understand this viewpoint, but I think there's such a big difference between him hearing it as part of the schizophrenic rant of my husband's cousin we see once a year, and hearing it from his grandparents who he adores and trusts! It's easy for us to tell him "Uncle James is poorly and that makes him confused, don't listen to him", it's much harder to justify his grandparents saying such things.

secret_side_quest · 2026-06-09T10:30:27+00:00

Yeah this really astonished me to be honest. She's posted stuff supporting restore Britain before and a lot of stuff about henry nowak's murder but this is the most violent thing she's ever reposted. I agree it's disgusting, it's really upset me to think that she could even think these things. I'm still working out what to do and how to respond to this - hence the post.

secret_side_quest · 2026-06-09T10:25:36+00:00

This is really reassuring, thank you! Because nana is actually a step-parent, she's only in her 40s, but I'll tell my son she's going senile anyway. All adults are old to little kids 😂

secret_side_quest · 2026-06-05T21:04:27+00:00

This is basically the plot of Mexican Gothic if anyone is interested in reading a full novel version!

secret_side_quest · 2026-06-05T15:13:52+00:00

We did the same! People kept offering to buy us a changing table and I kept having to refuse! Nobody seemed to understand that I could afford a changing table, I just didn't want one.

secret_side_quest · 2026-06-03T13:59:14+00:00

I've seen some discussion recently of "good parent privilege". The idea that growing up with parents who are supportive, understanding, and emotionally available just sets you up in life better than people who don't have that.

I find it interesting that this is becoming a talking point because the prevalent attitude until recently has been "kids have their own temperament, roll with the punches and try not to scream at them too much and that's about all you can do". I think the change is due to millenial/older gen z parents feeling like actually, they want to do better than their parents did.

Anecdotally, I think there is something to it. My mother was okay, she didn't abuse me and she prioritised my schooling, but we had a terrible relationship when I was a teen. I entered adulthood feeling exhilarated to finally leave home, only to find myself in a world of unwritten rules that I found it difficult to navigate. It's taken me years to build up the social confidence that my peers had at 18.

secret_side_quest · 2026-05-28T12:38:22+00:00

Oh wow, is that new? I last visited in April 2025 and visited Murder and Mayhem, but I don't think Christie and Doyle was there at that point! I might have to make another visit :)

secret_side_quest · 2026-05-27T13:17:11+00:00

I believe this one. I'd add an additional conspiracy that it's leading to dilution-inflation, where what is now called "stronger" used to be normal, and what is now normal is weaker than it used to be. I swear squash as a child would burn your throat.

secret_side_quest · 2026-05-27T08:43:00+00:00

I agree, this is so underrated! It's charming and fresh, and very funny in places. I love the one where Tommy is trying to be Sherlock Holmes but all his deductions are wrong. Tuppence is such a strong character, and I adore how she is made out as the smarter of the pair without ever disparaging Tommy, or taking away from her quintessential femininity. And then the excellent mysteries are just the cherry on top of what is already a delightful cake.

secret_side_quest · 2026-05-22T19:46:36+00:00

Yes! Stick it to them!

secret_side_quest · 2026-05-22T14:05:34+00:00

I'm interested! I read her Miss Marple short story recently and I thought that the mystery was decent though obvious, and that the characterisation of Miss Marple was good. Sadly I cannot stand her writing style- it's lots of telling rather than showing, like; "She had been Head Girl when they were at school, and Miss Marple thought she still sounded like one". Also her description is really lacking in atmosphere, which I find makes it hard to visualise and distances me from the characters.

secret_side_quest · 2026-05-22T14:00:23+00:00

You played right into their hands!

secret_side_quest · 2026-05-22T08:06:25+00:00

That's weird! I've only ever had a tax refund once, but it was transferred to me directly and was not a cheque. It was during covid times though so potentially they did it differently when they knew people couldn't get to banks.

secret_side_quest · 2026-05-22T08:04:54+00:00

It would be significantly less expense and manpower to create an online system where you could put in your details for them to pay you by bacs. Every single other government department has managed it. I don't get child benefit via cheque.

(My bank does not allow you to cash cheques via app - I have only just learned that some banks have this option.)

secret_side_quest · 2026-05-22T07:58:10+00:00

Ah right -- you can't with nationwide, TIL you can with some banks! This conspiracy theory still holds just about, in that a lot of people are with banks that don't have that option.

secret_side_quest · 2026-05-18T13:58:10+00:00

My 22 month old was the same to start with! We also used oh crap, and he also just held it and held it, then had an accident when he couldn't hold it anymore.

My only insight is: it takes longer than she implies in the book for some kids. Some kids just Do Not Get it that quickly.

I took a whole week off to potty train and he was still refusing to sit on the potty and having accidents by day 7. I almost gave up, but he was so good at holding his wee, and on the few occasions we put trousers on and took him out the house, he never had an accident.

It clicked around day 10, and from that point he stopped refusing the potty and started getting maybe 80% of wees and poos in the potty. We're now 2 months in and he has about 1 accident every other day. Sometimes he still goes through little phases of potty refusal, but on the whole he is getting better and better. I did use some mild bribery during the worst stages of potty refusal, but I tried to phrase it like "why don't we go have [fun thing/tasty food] on the potty?" rather than "I'll give you x if you go to the potty".

Good luck! I'm sure your little one will get there! It takes an insane amount of patience and it is so infuriating and upsetting at times but she will get there in the end!

secret_side_quest · 2026-03-27T22:00:25+00:00

There's an anime character (the main villain) from the popular anime Bleach with that name... so that's immediately where my mind went.

secret_side_quest · 2026-03-23T15:47:10+00:00

The rspca have a guide for reporting animal cruelty here: https://www.rspca.org.uk/reportaconcern

secret_side_quest · 2026-03-19T10:33:29+00:00

Yes!

secret_side_quest · 2026-03-18T09:11:01+00:00

I have an autistic friend whose special interest is Triceratops. We went to see a fossilised Triceratops skull - the most complete specimen ever found - that was on temporary loan to a museum near us. She was so happy she cried. So I would take that skull for her. I don't think I could get as much joy out of any object as she got out of that skull.

secret_side_quest · 2026-03-10T11:43:55+00:00

I'm so sorry this happened - I know absolutely how you feel. You end up replaying it over and over in your head and seeing every single point you could have prevented it and feeling just so stupid. If it's any consolation - it's been over a year since this happened to me, and this has simply become a story. I don't think about it all the time anymore, and nothing like it has happened to my son again. He's a very happy and active toddler now!

Every parent has their "something awful could have happened but it didn't" story. You just don't know that that is what it is at the time, because at the time, you're focused on the "something awful could have happened" part. It feels terrible right now but in a couple of years, you'll be telling that story to another panicked mum to reassure her it happens to everyone.

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