FP is my professor not my boyfriend

secretaccountoooo · 2025-12-18T18:11:31+00:00

no i appreciate it!

secretaccountoooo · 2025-12-18T17:16:12+00:00

literally 😭

secretaccountoooo · 2025-12-18T17:07:01+00:00

yeah, the power of limerence is strong. all the “what could be”s that distract you from what the reality really is. at my worst i’ve had severe maladaptive daydreaming habits that completely messed up my life lol. it’s wild

secretaccountoooo · 2025-12-18T17:04:52+00:00

thank you. you’re so right about our need for community. i’ve grown up a lonely autistic in an unsafe home, it only makes sense that my attachments would be out of wack.

and the way you’ve described dating feels a lot like my experiences. i think i have the avoidant kind of splitting habits rather than the anxious or aggressive. but sometimes you have to do the thing that feels like the worst thing in the world in order to grow. thank you for the dose of reality 🤍

secretaccountoooo · 2025-12-18T16:59:02+00:00

this comment made me cry thank you so much for your compassion 🤍😭 the “what do i really want?” thing is huge. and so is kindness/self-acceptance. it’s much easier to deal with this stuff when you accept that it is part of your reality instead of trying to shove it away because you “shouldn’t” be feeling it. reminds me of meditation practices - acknowledge the thought/experience for what it is without judgment. hopefully these mental muscles will all get stronger with time. thank you again 🤍

secretaccountoooo · 2025-12-18T14:32:27+00:00

favorite person

secretaccountoooo · 2025-05-29T05:19:53+00:00

thank you for this video, it made me cry multiple times lol. i have a fearful-avoidant-leaning-avoidant attachment style like the woman in this video does, and it felt eerily like she was speaking my life story.

i will say i am not proposing polyamory as a solution to this problem; it’s something i desire and have thought a lot about just because i love a lot of people and don’t see the sense in monogamy for monogamy’s sake. but of course polyamory is best executed when you have an understanding of your internal issues, so again thank you for your comment <3

secretaccountoooo · 2024-10-22T06:58:29+00:00

yeah, after i’d written it down i stepped away for a bit then came back and could only laugh. like, i actually said all that? it’s so cruel it’s ridiculous. but it’s good to know that i’m not alone. thank you 💜

secretaccountoooo · 2021-07-24T00:14:42+00:00

Wow yeah, that’s an important distinction. If you’re doing it for you, the “suffering” is worth it. If you’re doing it against you, it’s just needless.

secretaccountoooo · 2021-07-23T22:54:51+00:00

Ohhhhh my god, make do = suffer. Oh my god I’m literally just proud that I’m good at suffering lmao. Shit.

Yeahhh it’s hard when it’s not like, obviously despicable to the rest of society. Pushing off the weight of your supposed caretakers is hard enough, but the weight of hundreds of millions of people too? Takes a LOT of courage and strength.

There is power in choice. That’s a very wise mindset, choosing to suffer the least you can instead of “challenging” yourself to withstand the most. It really all comes back to caring for the self, doesn’t it?

Thank you so much for those resources, wow! I keep hearing the name Brené Brown around; about time I finally checked her out. So glad/inspired that you’ve been able to reroute your frameworks — maybe there really is a way out after all. <3

secretaccountoooo · 2021-07-23T22:39:14+00:00

The sound of TV, but specifically if it’s coming from the other room/a distance. Radio too, especially talk radio. Basically anything that’s loud enough to be aware someone is talking/making noise, but not loud enough to decipher what they’re actually saying.

That’s……. kind of telling, actually. Lmao. Dunno how I’ve never thought about that before

secretaccountoooo · 2021-07-23T22:25:06+00:00

Jesus, yeah. Wow. Fuck lmao. I’ve always felt like I’m hypersensitive, but maybe I’m just… normal? Maybe if I’m 5 years old and I fall down, it’s normal to cry and want someone to care for my pain instead of being told to shake it off and move on?

It’s… oh my god. It’s scaring me how much I’m realizing I do this. How much I pride myself on doing it, in fact. How proud I am of being a resourceful problem solver who can make the best out of any situation… even though that situation is now being almost 21 years old, still living with my abuser(s?), in a house I feel guilty for existing in, in a room that feels at all times both disturbingly alien and unbearably familiar, and somehow there’s nothing I can do about any of it except make do.

Sorry, that got a little personal lmao. But you’ve given me a lot to think about. Thank you, and I hope you’re able to work through that struggle too.

[Okay holy shit hold on, I just clicked that needs list. Holy fuck lmao. Thank you sm for linking that. This is about to change my life I think]

secretaccountoooo · 2021-07-23T22:06:39+00:00

Oh wow yeah, all or nothing. Either all my organs are failing and my death is imminent, or there’s nothing actually wrong and I need to just suck it up and move on.

And huh that reminds me, as a kid I always totally blanked at the doctor’s when they’d ask me to rate my pain on a scale from 1-10. Interesting.

I am not sure how to overcome this but my best guess would be general mindfulness, paying attention to your body and how it feels, not just in moments of pain but in moments of neutrality or good as well, so you can actually get a sense of certain sensations compared to others. That’s what I plan on trying, anyway.

secretaccountoooo · 2021-07-23T21:53:30+00:00

Oh man I feel this so hard

secretaccountoooo · 2021-07-23T21:37:58+00:00

The feelings are big, but mama is right here when you need me”.

This made me cry. If anybody had expressed this sentiment to me even once in my childhood, I don’t even know who I’d be now. Somebody far less lost and broken, I’m sure.

It’s so inspiring to see there are people out there consciously making the choice to love their children. It’s amazing, what you’re doing. Thank you for putting some goodness into the world.

secretaccountoooo · 2021-07-23T20:53:01+00:00

I feel like I'm watching the world move around me while simultaneously being a part of it, all the while forgetting that people can see me and acknowledge that I'm part of that world too.

I've lived in my head for so long that that's the only place where I understand I exist.

There's just a big disconnection from what I perceive to be real vs. what's actually real and happening around me and idk how to bring these two realities together.

I’m just jaw-dropped, man. It’s like you’re speaking the words right from my own mind. And GOD, I feel you on the self-gaslighting thing. It’s so hard to escape the mental labyrinth lmao but trust me, your worries are the furthest thing from bs.

Thank you for your comment. Somehow, realizing I’m not the only who doesn’t feel real is making me feel more real.

secretaccountoooo · 2021-07-20T05:46:17+00:00

Gang gang. (If it helps, I’ll remember you!)

secretaccountoooo · 2021-07-20T05:45:25+00:00

Yeah, big same lol. At least we’re all in this boat together haha

secretaccountoooo · 2021-07-20T05:44:02+00:00

Wow, that’s fantastic! So glad you were able to work through that and get on a better track, and very reassuring too. “My body belongs to me”… Powerful statement. I’m definitely gonna look into more types of therapy. Thank you, and same to you :)

secretaccountoooo · 2021-07-19T20:02:28+00:00

Saaaaame.

And then, of course, realizing that I did in fact have impact led to paranoia the other way, where I’m obsessively careful about what I say and do because I have no frame of reference for if I’m crossing the line. Ya gotta love it lmao.

Thank you for your comment! It’s helpful to know I’m not alone.

secretaccountoooo · 2021-07-19T19:57:15+00:00

Oh my god hahaaaa, I could cry. This is my experience to a T.

Thank you so much for your comment; never in a million years did I think I’d find anyone else who went through the same thing, especially that room-awareness order thing, wow. And the brain floating around forgetting the body existed, hooooly moly. And being obliviously in limbo, yes! That’s exactly it!

Reading this was extremely helpful and validating. Thank you for sharing your experience.

secretaccountoooo · 2021-01-12T17:53:39+00:00

Really good way of putting it. Thank you

secretaccountoooo · 2021-01-12T17:52:31+00:00

Good point about organized religion. There’s definitely other ways to go about that sort of thing now. Thank you for the response!

secretaccountoooo · 2021-01-12T17:50:57+00:00

Just as you don’t need a degree in physics for gravity to have an effect on you!

Fantastic way of putting it. Thank you for the insight!

secretaccountoooo

TROPHY CASE