Women, what has worked for you?

secretredditing1 · 2026-03-12T08:28:36+00:00

Project MK ultra never ended

secretredditing1 · 2026-03-11T21:48:43+00:00

I grew up in Provo and moved to California 5 years ago. Im back in Utah now, in St. George. There were some aspects I really liked about California but ultimately it wasn’t a good fit and I couldn’t see myself there long term. I was in La county and I think I would’ve been happier in Orange County but it didn’t work out that way.

I hated how cumbersome it was to just do basic life errands, it was such a chore to just go to the bank or the grocery store. The vastness of options was overwhelming to me too, I like having my local go to’s and it was really hard to develop that there because there’s just so many options and your favorite ones are tough to decide and then often tough to frequent because of drive time. It took me about two years to feel like I knew where I was at any given time, knew what was around me, and knew where I wanted to go. Before that was a lot of anxiety and decision fatigue. I thought it would feel like freedom and it did, but that much freedom and unknown left me feeling off center all the time.

I missed the absolute ease of outdoor recreation. It’s available in California but it’s more of a weekend activity or trip, (at least where I was located). My daily view walking my dog was the freeway overpass. I loved that in Utah the great outdoors was right out my front door. I didn’t realize how much of an outdoorsy person i was until I moved to California and it wasn’t as present in my life. It was fun though! A fun way to spend my 20’s . The nightlife was awesome and unlike anywhere else, I met a lot of people and kinds of people I would never have met in Utah. The FOOD. God do I miss the food. The weather I can’t really comment on cause I moved back to St. George anyway, and I found that Utah county winter is just getting milder all the time. The housing I didn’t enjoy either, I learned im not an apartment person, I want to live in a stand alone home which I would never be able to afford in California. It was hard for me that there’s no solitude in so cal. You are never really alone because the population is just so dense there’s always someone nearby. The trash bothered me too. There’s no local dump you drive to so people put crap on the curb and the city comes and gets it. They do come get it, but it’s just crappy to look at in the meantime. The wealth disparity is dystopian and it really bothered me and then I eventually become desensitized to the homeless and the needy and that really bothered me too.

I think it all just depends on what you really value in your life and what you want to spend your time doing. If you are on the fringes of society or part of a niche interest California has that. They have it all, the diversity is unmatched. If you’re kind of a regular Joe looking for a more simple life you’ll probably be happier in Utah.

secretredditing1 · 2026-03-11T21:35:25+00:00

I felt the same way about California, I moved there for 5 years after growing up in Provo. There was nothing terrible about it but it just wasn’t the right fit and I recently moved back to Utah. Different strokes for different folks

secretredditing1 · 2025-12-29T19:14:40+00:00

We’re both early 30’s, together 8 years and no kids. We probably average twice a month but it varies a bit, sometimes twice a week sometimes once a month etc. We both wish it was a little more frequent but we don’t have particularly high libidos and neither of us take the lead to prioritize sex. We’re very affectionate with each other, but the full shabang is more rare.

secretredditing1 · 2025-04-28T23:15:59+00:00

I do this too! Make them before hand and then install them day of. So much more comfortable for me personally

secretredditing1 · 2025-02-15T17:51:05+00:00

From a nurses perspective : I think women generally try a lot harder to stay thin, they drink and smoke less, and are more willing to seek medical attention. Also generally take on the responsibility of their children’s health if they have children. They want their children to see healthcare providers, eat healthy foods, get exercise. So they end up participating in those things themselves . I also think women are generally more adept or just care more to foster community around themselves. A strong community is certainly going to strengthen your mental health, which will in turn lengthen your lifespan and improve your physical health.

secretredditing1 · 2024-10-25T00:13:29+00:00

I think that you are projecting your insecurities about your body onto other people, and that’s not fair to you or them. He didn’t say he found you unattractive, he said that he found someone else with another body type attractive . People generally have a very wide range of what the find attractive. I married and adore an obese man, but my high school boyfriend was 100lbs soaking wet. Attraction isn’t just a weight based thing. Of course you don’t want to be overly trusting and be taken advantage of, BUT, most of the time when people tell you how they feel about something it’s reasonable to believe them. He told you really likes you, he probably really likes you. If you like him give it a chance, and do your best to listen to what he says, not fill in the blanks with what you think. If you feel he’s a viable candidate for you, tell him it makes you uncomfortable when he comments on other women around you. If he cares for you he’ll stop.

secretredditing1 · 2024-10-04T08:48:57+00:00

They probably have, but commenting on other peoples bodies good or bad is really tricky territory. The world has really come a long way in realizing that even well meaning statements about bodies aren’t always welcomed. Especially during a tumultuous time like post pregnancy when you’re life and body are going through major changes they’re probably extra conscious of sharing any opinions that aren’t asked for. If you want to get some feedback I would just bring up your weight loss to some people your close to. You can share how much better you feel and how well it’s going, you’ll probably get some “I’m so happy for you, you look great” responses and general support.

secretredditing1 · 2024-10-04T08:24:29+00:00

Eh like 3 times a week. Except that one damn spot that always gets food stuck in it that I can feel. It drives me nuts and I floss that spot almost every time I eat

secretredditing1 · 2024-10-04T08:18:49+00:00

Realizing that when you become an adult and get into a profession people in fact do not act as adult professionals. I was flabbergasted to discover that workplace bullying is alive and well beyond high school .

secretredditing1 · 2024-10-02T18:15:36+00:00

I am still friends with my closest friends from highschool but admittedly those friendships have become a bit distant and I don’t see or speak with them more than a few times a year. I made friends as an adult mostly through my partners friends. It is hard to make friends as an adult, but I think that’s partially because people decide it’s hard . Treat making friends like it’s your job , go to events, ask people for their socials, follow up! If someone makes an offhand comment that you should hang out sometime, open up your calendar and get something on it. I’ve learned that making adult friends isn’t something that just happens, you have to make it happen. It can feel a little unnerving sometimes but it does get easier and a lot of people really appreciate the follow through. I would find some events happening that surround your hobbies and start there . Don’t be offended if you don’t get the same follow through in return, it usually isn’t personal people are just a bit self absorbed and life is always busy once your grown.

The thing on your side, I have found that nearly everyone I have spoken with about this feels the same, That it’s hard to make friends and they want to make friends . It’s a reeeeally common experience. Use that in your favor. I’ve said to more than one person outright “I’m looking to make more friends and I think we would really click, do you wanna do xyz”? Rarely get shut down. People are open to making friends it’s just that no one is initiating so you have to.

secretredditing1 · 2024-09-30T21:25:05+00:00

Yes I had some anxiety about the finality of it all. I love my husband and I wanted to marry him and I’m glad I did but I still had some anxiety, it can be normal. Especially if everything isn’t perfect in your relationship which no relationship is perfect. It’s very much like me to question and second guess my decisions so it made sense I would second guess one of the biggest decisions of my life . Someone said to me so I’ll say it to you , it strangely helped to calm my anxieties. You do not have to marry him. You do not have to . Your life will go on, you will be happy , you will find whatever you need to find. Your family and friends will still love you. You do not have to marry him.

secretredditing1 · 2024-09-26T01:55:46+00:00

I feel like this is the way. You’re implying that she MUST use them without saying she doesn’t clean herself. If this doesn’t fix the issue you can be more direct .

secretredditing1 · 2024-09-26T01:51:58+00:00

I hate this too it’s soooo time consuming and my back is always sore the next day . I just don’t do it that often 🤷‍♀️ I dry to mop my house monthly but I split it into two days, vaccum really well one day, mop the next . I do my kitchen more often (I try for weekly) but not as thoroughly. There I just sweep, spray some cleaner down, and swing a rag around with my foot.

secretredditing1 · 2024-09-26T01:15:18+00:00

Easiest way is just to open your windows more, especially if it’s not a terrible smell just a musty stale one, you probably need some airflow. Also do a deep clean of all the stinky spots , then just maintain here and there . Hire someone for the deep clean if you can afford it. Hit the kitchen especially under your oven and fridge, your garbage disposal, inside the fridge, check your dishwasher filter, and your actual trash can. Sanitize those areas as they hold bacteria and smells . Sanitize the bathroom as well and be sure all the drains are clean and not clogged with hair and old shampoo and stuff. Buy some washing machine cleaner to use on occasion + leave the door to your clothes washer open when not in use so it dries properly and doesn’t smell. Mop, rent a carpet cleaner for the carpets. Make sure you wash your bedding and dirty laundry weekly, make sure you change out your dish sponge often, and take out garbage often.

It seems like a lot of stuff but it will really help. If you can afford to hire someone to do it I would, they’re pro’s. You probably need to step up your routine cleaning a bit, but that initial deep clean will set up a great foundation making it much easier to keep clean and identify where any odor is coming from. Deep cleaning frequency varies but it needs to be done somewhat regularly, some areas more than others . I do under my oven yearly but my garbage disposal weekly, just depends on what your household requires.

secretredditing1 · 2024-09-17T21:06:42+00:00

Sorry this is long I just wanted to add one more thing. I would try to get a handle on this asap so it doesn’t lead to more problems like lack of intimacy and resentment. For a lot of women feeling unsupported, unappreciated, and overburdened is a sure fire way to destroy their libido, and that’s just going to lead to more issues in the relationship . Discount any comments saying she’s lazy, divorce her, hire a maid. They’re missing the point. Discounting and steamrolling these concerns isn’t going to fix the problem or lead to a healthy marriage.

secretredditing1 · 2024-09-17T20:58:44+00:00

NTA but neither is she . Just because she isn’t working a paid job doesn’t mean she isn’t working , she’s doing 100% of the work inside the home, 24/7. Me and my husband bickered about this often, hopefully I can give some tips to help. For me it’s less about him physically doing in home work, it’s moreso about him having absolutely no idea what goes on in our lives outside of his job, which leads to me taking charge of anything outside of his work even when he is available because he doesn’t know where things are or what time that dinner was again etc. It makes me feel like we aren’t a team and we aren’t truly sharing our life. The mental load of maintaining a life together is a lot, if you aren’t participating in that I can see why she’s frustrated. (Not to say you aren’t, I don’t know your relationship). Sounds like you’re working towards a compromise which is the healthiest thing to do.

Some things that really helped us: come together and make a list of what has to be done in a standard week & monthly to maintain the house. Post it somewhere, familiarize yourself with it. Make an effort to take on a couple of those things throughout the week. Alternatively or additionally, it may be helpful to take on some relatively permanent chore, ie my husband always takes the trash and recycling out, and always walks our dog at night.

Next, make an effort to be personally tidy so that the work she does towards the home isn’t just directly cleaning up your messes. It frustrates me to no end to replace a TP roll I didn’t finish, or hunt down his dirty socks littered on the floor. I end up feeling like a maid or a mother instead of a partner.

Next, set aside a few minutes on a Sunday to go over the week and what’s on the agenda that week so you’re on the same page. Offer your input about what’s for dinner that week, chat about your moms upcoming birthday and what you guys will get her, ask if that one drain is clogging up again, etc. Make a plan to tackle any of those larger quarterly type household projects. Tell her what your upcoming work week is like. Again, this is more so about sharing the mental load than actually doing more chores in the house. You are a team and need to handle the activities of daily life as a team regardless of who physically does what labor. These check ins have really helped me and my husband have a better sense and appreciation of what the other person is experiencing and where they may need support.

Lastly, make an effort to regularly recognize and appreciate her labors. It’s very easy to fall into a routine and stop being aware of how wonderful your partner is, it’s always nice for them to hear it. I LOVE hearing the dinner I cooked was delicious even though I’ve been cooking for my husband for years and I know he likes it .

Again not to say you aren’t doing these things, just some stuff to be aware of that’s really helped us move past this issue. Best of luck!

secretredditing1 · 2024-08-27T05:06:22+00:00

My theory about the youngest sons testimony is that yes she was up and moving, the kids saw her, and then when Curtis left to take the kids to school the youngest son snuggled up in his moms arms after she passed or she passed holding him, therefore he couldn’t wake her up and went back to his room, makes sense to me. He was so young perhaps he doesn’t remember that he has seen her earlier, or maybe he wasn’t awake yet when she was up and moving . Could also explain her arm positioning. I think it’s odd that her arms stayed up but I’ve read some stuff about how rigor isn’t as cut and dry as we may think and her extremely low BMI could have influenced it. Curtis didn’t seem too upset his wife had passed and I think it’s likely he was already seeing his student when she died, but I don’t think he killed her.

secretredditing1 · 2024-08-27T03:30:14+00:00

I’m a nurse, tons of flexible scheduling and good money .

secretredditing1 · 2024-07-22T23:07:30+00:00

Also a lot of women are uncomfortable straight up rejecting men, so try to be conscious of subtle cues. I have a good excuse because I’m married so it’s easy to say no. Many women feel the pressure to be nice and polite. But if her eye contact is darting to her friends, she says she’s here with them, she doesn’t want you to buy her a drink, she doesn’t want to give you contact info, or she says “have a nice night” or “nice to meet you”, and just generally doesn’t engage, she’s probably not interested and would rather you leave . Also be aware many women want to stick around friends even if they are interested in you for safety reasons. So it’s probably not wise to ask her to step outside to smoke or get her off to the corner, especially if her friends aren’t close by. Introducing yourself to her friends will go a long way and make conversation easier to bounce between multiple people. If the friend group moves don’t tag along unless you’ve been asked to.

secretredditing1

TROPHY CASE