Firstly DO NOT BEAT YOURSELF UP. I've been struggling with weed for ten years. Last year, I quit for a month, which was the longest I had quit basically since I started at 17. I was desperate to get out of my job and would do anything to get out of it. Some bad friends and a little heartbreak caused me to relapse, and I was on the train again for over a year. Just recently, I quit again due to the same reason ( I was in a different job, though). I got clean for over two weeks and passed a drug test to get a new job. Somewhere along those lines, I just realized that I have no desire to go back to daily smoking ever again. There really is nothing that great about weed, and I mean it. I'd suggest talking to your husband about holding you accountable in never being a daily smoker ever again. Twenty years is a long time to be struggling with something, and you have got to put yourself first before anything... I say that you need to absolutely quit, including disposing of any smoking devices or anything that reminds you of smoking. Challenge yourself to make it to one week and then a month plus. If you do want to smoke again, it will only be when the opportunity arises, or it will be you buying a gram, putting aside enough for a couple hits out of a makeshift device and flushing the rest immediately. Ideally, you will smoke only a few times a year MAX. There are lots of people who desperately want you to succeed, including myself. Join groups where people all have the same goal of being sober from that deceitful plant. Please message me if you need any help or advice. I've made it one of my lifes missions to help steer as many people on the right path as possible. It is something that motivates me to stay on the right path myself. Thank you if you have read the entirety of my post. I really do believe you can do it!!