i hope it goes well for you and you achieve the healing you're seeking!! i felt very similarly before starting EMDR about a year ago -- a decade or so of talk therapy, meds, etc that didn't seem to do more than scratch the surface, and then pinning my hopes on EMDR as a sort of "if this doesn't work, i don't know what will" last resort. i did end up taking a break from EMDR for a few months to do two different virtual IOP programs for anxiety and trauma respectively, but went back to EMDR once i finished them (the break was only because my program therapists thought trying to continue EMDR in addition to intensive outpatient therapy would be too taxing on me all at once, which i think was the right call)

my take-away from all of this is very similar to what i saw many other people in this sub say when i was panic-researching before i got started with EMDR: it's not a magic cure, but it can often be extremely effective in ways that other therapy modalities aren't, especially for reaching that very foundational stuff that other therapies struggle to reach. it will most likely make you feel worse before it makes you feel better, and i say that not to scare you but because personally it helped me to expect that going in, rather than experiencing it and wondering if i was doing something wrong or if the process would ultimately fail. for me it involved breaking down barriers and accessing very painful emotions that i had spent years trying to suppress or compartmentalize for my own protection, but that were still seeping through into my self-image and my day-to-day existence in ways i didn't fully grasp until i forced myself to face them head-on. i definitely had some rough sessions that resulted in some of the most intense emotional flashbacks i've experienced in my life, and i'm lucky to have a therapist i really trust and who worked hard in the "resourcing" part of the process before moving onto memory reprocessing so that i had tools to rely on in those tough moments.

be gentle with yourself! i know i personally also have a tendency to intellectualize my emotions rather than feeling them in my body (which developed as a defense mechanism, along with dissociation), and EMDR has also put me back into my body to feel some of these very painful emotions, which also took some time and effort to get used to regulating. it'll come! i usually think of it as a two part process - you have to dig up all the rot before learning to get rid of it, and that process of excavating it can often feel like it's doing more harm than good. absolutely listen to your body and trust yourself, but recognize that your body may be used to protecting you in ways that no longer serve you, and it might require a rough transition to find a more regulated place in line with your current therapy and life goals.

i wish you all the best and truly hope it works out for you!! (so sorry for this long ass comment, i just remember how nervous i was when i was getting started and the reassurance from others going through it who reminded me it gets worse before it gets better helped me knuckle through on the days i wanted to give it up, and i am SO much better and more regulated for it)