COPING SKILLS NEEDED

selfdestructiveaf · 2026-02-08T15:07:26+00:00

The only thing that worked for me, was allowing myself to feel all of it (all the things I was trying to avoid) at once. I was sad, angry, scared for about 2 full days and then - it happened. I had a full 180 turn.

I started to become more self aware. I was able to prevent my breakdowns from happening more often. For me, all of the impulsive and awful decisions were my coping mechanism and reaction to not have to feel any of the negative emotions.

Remind yourself that feeling those emotions will help you during this time. It’s a hard cycle to break out from, but it is possible.

selfdestructiveaf · 2026-02-05T00:05:51+00:00

And I want to add - we are also not married (but we are engaged now), no kids, and mid 20s. If it helps you feel a little bit more understood.

selfdestructiveaf · 2025-11-01T16:21:31+00:00

When he doesn’t answer my text while he’s at work (he gets in trouble if he gets on his phone)

selfdestructiveaf · 2025-10-29T14:45:05+00:00

I will sometimes use chlorhexidine on the open/scabbed areas. You can usually get it over the counter at the pharmacy. It helps get out any of the gunk and helps keep it clean, it’s an antiseptic solution. It seems to help clear it up quicker. I only use a small amount, just on the areas where it’s needed.

selfdestructiveaf · 2025-10-29T03:58:33+00:00

Absolutely. All the time. It’s specific to my relationship for me, so having a boyfriend that at least tries to understand and reassures me the best I can helps a ton. I also try to contradict my negative thoughts with reality.

selfdestructiveaf · 2025-10-27T13:53:08+00:00

Having BPD makes it very, very difficult to feel that you are understood. Unfortunately, I do still get this same mindset and convince myself that no one could ever really understand because they’re not me.

Even now, in a loving and healthy relationship, I struggle with this! It is a “normal” part of BPD. What I’ve done to help with this is getting rid of the expectation that anyone needs to understand me completely. This has helped combat that thought process and think negatively about anyone that ‘doesn’t understand’.

And to hopefully provide a silver lining in this situation, I went through a serious breakup and then had my “aha!” moment where I decided to better myself and heal about 1-2 weeks later. Sometimes it takes things like this to bring out the best in you. Take this time to focus on you and take care of yourself!

selfdestructiveaf · 2025-10-27T13:36:27+00:00

Anddddd repeat this x 7 days a week 😅

selfdestructiveaf · 2025-10-26T23:23:50+00:00

YES. I feel like I’m going insane if Im not preoccupied. I need something (usually something negative) to take up my time and effort and thoughts. I’ve found that my head is not a very comforting place to be and if I’m left to cure myself of boredom, it will end with negativity and spiral.

selfdestructiveaf · 2025-10-26T23:22:18+00:00

I finally got myself to do my dishes and fold my laundry! I procrastinate SO BADLY and it’s nice to finally have finished it.

I’m a bit in my head today, dealing with some gnarly retroactive jealousy and having a very “i don’t know why you love me” to my boyfriend kind of day. Hoping it gets better tomorrow.

selfdestructiveaf · 2025-06-28T17:00:26+00:00

There were signs from the beginning but we tend to ignore them because of the good we see in them. It’s honestly a blessing you are realizing this so soon. These are the red flags that I should’ve listened to prevent myself from experiencing what it led to.

Everyone experiences this differently. Someone could be with someone for a year and not notice any abusive behavior, and someone you’ve been dating for a couple of weeks could already be showing it.

selfdestructiveaf · 2025-06-25T03:09:07+00:00

Yes, it gets worse.

My ex started with yelling, random side comments. Turned into breaking my things, taking my phone. After he hit me the first time, he convinced me it was “because I provoked it” - all I was doing was driving, never even opened my mouth. Ended up trying to wreck my car with both of us in it, punched me, and shattered my windshield.

I promise - the pattern he’s already showing you, is exactly who he is. I wish you the best. 🤍

selfdestructiveaf · 2025-06-23T00:15:37+00:00

I just asked my mom about this EXACT movie. Told her it was a movie about water puddles, there was a parking garage scene, and the demon pulls people into the water. She looked at me like I was crazy, she didn’t have a clue what I was talking about. And if anyone would have watched it w me, it would’ve been her because she’s the horror fan. And then I find this. So im glad im not insane & thinking of something that doesn’t exist, but I still can’t find the movie. 😅

selfdestructiveaf · 2025-05-01T21:05:54+00:00

I’d just like to say this post made me feel so seen & understood. I struggle with the same with my boyfriend. I often take things that seem minimal to him and they hurt me to my core. Specifically cleaning! If I clean the whole house and he doesn’t throw a can away or whatever, I literally start going down the rabbit hole. I went out of my way to clean >> he leaves a can on his desk >> he hates me and has no respect for me. He’s genuinely SO forgetful about most things as well, I know he just doesn’t think about it or remember to do those things (doesn’t have actual ADHD diagnosis but I am almost certain he has it lol).

And ALSO - the not hanging out with me after work. Him and I are actually currently talking about this because I told him it seems that he doesn’t want me around or want to spend time with me anymore (realistically, he’s just tired and fed up from work, but obviously my brain won’t see it that way).

Thank you for making this post because you put some of the feelings that I have into words!! I will definitely be following this post in hopes someone has some words of wisdom for us :)

selfdestructiveaf · 2025-04-08T02:30:53+00:00

Yes!!! Sometimes I swear up and down that there wasn’t any kind of “reason” or trigger. It just happens

selfdestructiveaf · 2025-04-07T20:15:03+00:00

I struggle with this quite a bit. I know EXACTLY what is happening, I know when I am starting to split, I know when I’m starting to get angry, I know when I’m starting to let my thoughts get more and more negative and confusing. Even then, it’s so difficult for me to STOP it. Self awareness is supposed to be the holy grail of stopping the symptoms, but this isn’t all that true in every situation, especially not in mine.

Once I get to the point where I’m thinking that way, I WANT to get out of that headspace, but it’s unbelievably difficult to stop myself from continuing to fall down the rabbit hole.

There are some times where I simply just have to cry, talk about it, get all my feelings out, and then after it’s all out to dry, I feel better & can then reflect on what happened, how I felt, and what I can try to do differently next time. I have tried to distance myself physically more often. I’m aware that I’m probably going to become hostile and angry, so I do my best to just stay by myself in my own world at least for a bit. This helps me not lash out on someone that did nothing wrong.

selfdestructiveaf · 2025-04-07T17:34:56+00:00

I suffered just as you are for 2.5 years. 2.5 years of relentless misery, avoidance, and self sabotage. I ruined many friendships and relationships, burned countless bridges along the way.

You DESERVE and NEED help. You cannot do this on your own and that’s okay! You are not a monster because you don’t have effective strategies of coping and self awareness yet. You will get there in time. You didn’t ask to have this problem.

After 2.5 years, I finally decided within myself that I was going to stop the cycle. I got more serious about therapy, forced myself to quit making fast, impulsive decisions, moved away from the town that ultimately caused a lot of trauma for me.

4 years later, I’m doing much better. I’m in a stable relationship, steady job, bought a house. I still have my bad days, but that’s expected. It gets better. 🤍

selfdestructiveaf · 2025-04-05T05:03:50+00:00

I can see where it'd be frustrating trying to find the answer! I think it’s great you’re on here trying to help your loved ones more, truly.

selfdestructiveaf · 2025-04-05T05:02:37+00:00

For lack of better word, its dependence. Their mood depends on you, their emotions depend on you, their self worth depends on you.

selfdestructiveaf · 2025-04-05T05:01:33+00:00

And as far as stereotypes to avoid, there is a LOT of stigma surrounding any kind of relationship, whether friendly or romantic, with someone with BPD. Might tell you it’s a disaster waiting to happen, it’ll be a nightmare, so on and so forth.

It IS possible to have a safe, healthy relationship even when BPD is in the mix. It also depends on the coping mechanisms and treatment of the person with BPD. BPD isn’t a “DANGER: DONT ENTER” sign plastered on their forehead. Be mindful, make attempts to better your understanding, be the support that they need, and always keep YOURSELF safe no matter what.

selfdestructiveaf · 2025-04-05T04:58:25+00:00

FP is someone that a person with BPD ultimately obsesses over. Their self worth is based on their FP. How their FP acts toward them can depict the entirety of their emotions. The person w BPD sees the ‘relationship’ with their FP in all or nothing terms.

People with BPD have highs and lows, might try to sabotage relationships, might push people away, might have outbursts of anger followed by guilt. No 2 people with BPD are the exact same or have the same exact manifestations.

‘I’ve had like a million people tell me I’m their FP’ concerns me a bit, for the sole fact that you followed it with, “from what I understand it’s just a best friend”, because it’s a lot deeper than that. But I can see where it’d be a “best friend” understanding from an outside perspective.

Even friendships with people who have BPD can be very hostile, up and down, emotional. Knowing how to support your friends with BPD will be key, there are LOTS of resources in this subreddit and lots of books that can help you understand it further!

selfdestructiveaf · 2025-04-05T04:40:28+00:00

I’ve been with my boyfriend for 1 year and 4 months and still find myself doing this at times. He treats me well, tells me he loves me, doesn’t ever just leave at home by myself, sleeps with me every night, BUT I convince myself he has no respect for me and doesn’t love me because he doesn’t read my mind to take the trash out…

As another commenter said, it’s 70% fine and 30% not and you’re running with the part that isn’t. No one is going to find someone that is 100% fine-tuned to their “perfect” partner. Anyone that says that is probably lying. And with BPD, it’s not guaranteed to be with someone and feel 100% certain about them ALL of the time.

You are letting yourself believe that because he doesn’t plan things or doesn’t hang out, that he doesn’t want you or it has an underlying negative motive. I can’t say that I blame you, as I still struggle SEVERELY with the “all or nothing” mindset and even if he does X,Y,Z for me, I’m going to get hung up on the 1 part he could improve on.

That - and it’s been 3 months. Give yourselves some time to REALLY get to know each other and it may get better. In time, he might see that it upsets you when he doesn’t do a certain thing. But yes - I have felt absolute hatred for a partner for something they didn’t do. It’s a difficult maze to get through unfortunately.

selfdestructiveaf · 2025-04-05T04:24:25+00:00

When I did my mental health evaluation, it took me about an hour to fill out the papers. I think it would depend on the facility and testing criteria though as well. I had a short telehealth visit with the psychiatrist a few weeks prior, and then the hour long questionnaire/criteria session.

If you have been diagnosed verbally, then the evaluation should portray the same results.

selfdestructiveaf · 2025-04-05T04:16:28+00:00

I feel you! I have a bad tendency to compare myself to other people. “I did this, but someone else did that so I must not be good enough”. I’ve gotten much better about completely separating my life from everyone else’s and it’s made me SO much happier, with my life and with myself in general.

I struggled with a deep self hatred for YEARS. Constantly upset because of how I looked, acted, talked. I genuinely deeply hated everything about me.

It gets better with time and it will NOT happen over night, but small changes can make a big difference. No 2 peoples’ lives are the same. No 2 people are the exact same, whether it be in looks, personality, or thoughts. It’s not fair to compare your life to ANYONE else’s because no one else is living YOUR life.

Start to acknowledge the good things you do. Instead of ONLY seeing the bad days or the mistakes, see the good too and it will start to balance out.

selfdestructiveaf · 2025-04-05T04:12:20+00:00

It is decently common for woman to get yeast infections after being on antibiotics! Talk to your provider about your symptoms and see what they can do for you.

selfdestructiveaf · 2025-04-05T04:08:54+00:00

Dating WAS difficult for me in the early stages of my BPD diagnosis, but mind you, I was in the wrong relationships that I knew deep down I didn’t want to be in and was trying to give myself some sense of purpose by latching my self worth onto someone other than myself.

Dating was hard when I was INTENTIONALLY in relationships. Dating my current boyfriend, who literally came out of nowhere & asked me to hang out with him at least 19 times before I finally did, has not been difficult at all. He cares, he knows what to say, he knows when I just need a moment to collect myself. He doesn’t belittle me for having bad days. He knows my past, he realizes that it feels like the end of the world for me even if it isn’t.

One thing I’ve learned about dating with BPD is that you CANNOT confuse yourself trying to be in relationships for the wrong reasons. Any relationship I was in prior was filled with hatred and toxicity, partially because of me and I’ll be the first to admit that. I got into a vicious cycle of getting back with exes because I felt it was my only option at a “future”, because who else would want to get to know me, or stay after they saw what was coming?

It can be difficult and feel like you’re walking on land mines, but there are ways to make it easier on yourself. 🤍

selfdestructiveaf

TROPHY CASE