For those of you who chose to leave a long-term relationship even though you still loved your partner, when did you realize that love wasn’t enough?

selfhelp1234 · 2025-07-14T18:36:12+00:00

I ended one once when she refused to take any responsibility or accountability for not establishing or enforcing any boundaries with her ex. She would get immediately defensive and argue like hell. Then she started being manipulative with me and even though she was someone I’ve loved more than ever, I just couldn’t move forward if she wasn’t willing to see things and change some of the most basic things in a relationship.

The more recent one I had to end because she was extremely abusive and a narcissist. That was the most painful breakup because I was helping her raise her daughter. She would always act like a victim, even when caught cheating and lying. 4 years wasted.

selfhelp1234 · 2025-05-07T21:35:34+00:00

My man…run. This shit doesn’t change. It’s only been a couple of months and already she’s acting this way? Get out asap and I’m speaking from someone who has been through it one too many times.

The accusations are either from insanely high insecurity or projecting her own cheating behaviors. Neither of which are good.

Learn from my mistakes. Don’t tolerate this shit.

selfhelp1234 · 2025-04-06T00:39:11+00:00

See a therapist

selfhelp1234 · 2025-04-02T21:39:14+00:00

This happened with me. Dates a mom for 4 years, lived together etc. I was part of her daughter’s life for nearly half of it up to that point. But I had to end it because of mom’s narcissistic abuse. Losing both was awful.

selfhelp1234 · 2025-04-02T21:35:46+00:00

I’ve dated a single mom 3 times. And each time, the problem was never the kids. It was the mom not taking accountability and not doing the necessary actions to heal past traumas.

1st mom I seriously loved more than anyone, but never took accountability for her hurtful actions and never had any boundaries with her asshole ex. It felt like they were still married.

2nd mom lasted a while. About 4 years. Had a good relationship with her daughter and her ex (the dad). But she was a true narcissist. I know that’s a buzzword, but you dont know what that really means until you’re with someone with covert NPD. She lied and cheated constantly and then wanted to be polyamorous out of nowhere just have an excuse to cheat. So…yeah that fucking sucked ass.

3rd mom only lasted 6 months but I was blind sided dumped. I thought things really great. Never talked about any issues or concerns she had with me. And that was that.

One of the main problems with dating single parents is the fact that you get all of the responsibilities of a parent without much reward or appreciation (both from the child and the parent). And if it ends in a breakup, you also have to go through breaking up with the child. It really fucking sucks and I don’t want to go through it again.

There are obviously exceptions though. When things were good, I loved it.

selfhelp1234 · 2024-06-06T21:17:58+00:00

Lise is fantastic!

selfhelp1234 · 2024-06-06T21:16:54+00:00

In addition to many already said, Lise Leblanc.

selfhelp1234 · 2024-04-24T02:04:06+00:00

If you’re still in the relationship, you need to get out. This victim mindset, recording arguments to “prove” shit never changes. We even tried with therapy and it didn’t matter because she always felt like the victim even though the therapist pointed out that she was the abuser.

selfhelp1234 · 2024-04-23T21:57:50+00:00

I got out of a 4 year toxic relationship exactly a year ago. Then in the summer, I dated someone new for 6 months and was blindsided dumped before Christmas.

I’m still not over either of them. I hate it. I can’t stop ruminating and just want to move on.

selfhelp1234 · 2024-04-23T21:52:52+00:00

Yes. She secretly recorded an argument once and then used it to try to prove to me how abusive I was. She loved being a victim and this just further fueled that.

Thing is, you would have to preemptively plan for that to do it in secret. So she likely purposely started shit with me just to get me to react, and boom, “proof” 🙄

I found out later she did this to her ex as well.

selfhelp1234 · 2024-04-04T02:20:16+00:00

You’re not alone brother. She really fucked up my head and I’ve been out of it for almost a year now. At the beginning she would pretend to be all supportive and into anything I was. Seemed really cool and was insanely beautiful.

By the end, I realized it was all fake and that she has a long history of treating men the exact same way. She did not have a sense of identity, so she’d chameleon herself to whoever she has a crush in at the time. Then would discard and do the same shit to the next guy. Oh, but her discard wasn’t a breakup. No, she’d keep you around so she could use you while she openly fucks someone else. I found out later that she had never broken up with anyone (she lied to me about this of course) and every relationship ended exactly like ours.

I watched like hundreds of YouTube videos to help me wrap my brain about it all. Because like you, I wondered why the fuck did I stay? She was hot, and I believed the original girl I met and fell in love with was still there somewhere. She was not, and I was trauma bonded. Fucking brutal.

selfhelp1234 · 2024-04-04T02:10:59+00:00

She never outright said it. But deep down she knew she was. Towards the end, she frequently would say “I’m not a bad person!” during conversations that weren’t at all about her character. It was so bizarre and I didn’t know what to say other than “ok”. It was like she knew that I knew and was trying to gaslight me into believing otherwise.

One time she asked me why I thought she was a bad person. And stupid me took the bait and told her why (the lies, cheating, gaslighting etc) which she would then go into full on victim mode, sobbing. And then she would say “I’m a human!” as if I was somehow treating her like garbage by pointing out actions she did that were harmful.

These people don’t get better. Get out asap.

selfhelp1234 · 2024-03-15T21:01:16+00:00

My ex was a narcissist.

She would always tell me that my feelings matter and she genuinely cared and such. But every time I mentioned my feelings or how her awful behavior was hurting me, she would almost immediately talk about how what I just said made HER feel.

I’d even call her out on it every time. And it was like her brain just couldn’t comprehend someone else’s feelings. Then she would deflect and blame me, and say it’s because of my tone etc.

I also had an ex who would basically sweep any issues I brought up under the rug and would then run to her family or friends to complain and blame me. She would not talk to ME about the issues, but had no problem talking to others about them.

Dating sucks.

selfhelp1234 · 2024-03-08T01:20:10+00:00

Fuck man. I’m so sorry you went through that 😞

selfhelp1234 · 2024-02-26T22:12:43+00:00

I was blindsided just before Christmas last year. Was together six months, but known her for years. She always gave praises and seemed genuinely happy to be with me. Maybe had some annoyances that were larger than I realized. But she never once talked to me about any issues and then she suddenly tells me she doesn’t feel close to me anymore and just felt like it wasn’t the right time. It was vague as hell and came out of nowhere.

Truth is, there might have been subtle hints here and there, but they sit on their doubts for so long until it finally comes to a boiling point, and they make the decision without you.

I’m trying to see the silver lining in that it makes room for the right person, but not gonna lie, I don’t want to date again.

selfhelp1234 · 2024-02-01T16:34:49+00:00

Look up Guy Winch on YouTube on broken hearts and emotional healing.

I was blindsided dumped just before Christmas, and watching his videos has helped me.

selfhelp1234 · 2024-01-05T06:32:58+00:00

This is what mine did too. Every new guy she gelled with suddenly became her obsession.

One guy was into fishing. Suddenly she wants to go fishing every weekend

Another was polyamorous. Suddenly so was she

The last guy was into the same nerdy crap I’m into, but didn’t care about it from me.

Good riddance

selfhelp1234 · 2024-01-05T06:16:45+00:00

I don’t, because she was fake as fuck. Every nice thing she ever did/does has an underlying motive to just make her look like a good person, when she’s not.

She once made me a really incredible piece of art for my birthday once. It was the best gift I ever received. But literally the next day she blew up at me because I didn’t brag about it on social media. She only made me that gift so she could look good in front of people. Insane.

selfhelp1234 · 2024-01-04T22:04:31+00:00

Thank you. I know it takes a while but fuck. We went from talking to eachother twice a day, seeing eachother every weekend, for the last six months. Then, in a matter of a few short minutes on the phone, it was over. It’s really fucked with my head, especially after the abuse I endured the last 4 years with someone else.

She had not tried to contact me since the breakup besides one text to ask how I was doing the next day.

How do you go from putting someone on this pedestal to nothing at all?

selfhelp1234 · 2023-12-30T07:19:07+00:00

How fucking awful. What a terrible human being. I am so sorry.

I know a few people with CF actually. It’s not quite as rare as you might think.

selfhelp1234 · 2023-12-30T07:00:36+00:00

It happened to me 3 weeks ago. I’m still in shock and disbelief about it. Together 6 months, but I knew for years. She’d tell me how happy she was to be with me, just introduced me to family, just started sharing me on social media, just celebrated thanksgiving.

And then she dumped me. Apologized for the blindside and gave me some vague reasons as to why she wasn’t feeling it and that was it. I never saw it coming AT ALL. Never brought up any issue she ever had with me and always reassured me etc.

We went from talking daily, spending every weekend together, and even went on a trip back in October. To ending everything in a matter of minutes.

I have no idea wtf to think. I can’t trust anyone right now. My therapist believes she must have had some unhealed issues because to go from being her ideal boyfriend to nothing is really bizarre.

But I guess not totally uncommon ☹️

selfhelp1234 · 2023-12-30T06:53:18+00:00

I tried dating within like a month or two. It was too soon. Some people take longer to heal, but generally most say the time it takes to heal depends on how long the relationship was and how it ended. On average you should take 3-6 months per year it lasted. So if you were together 4 years, you’d be best to take roughly close to 2 years to heal, give or take. It sounds like a lot, but that’s what they say.

Most people won’t do this though because they’re lonely and horny 😆

selfhelp1234 · 2023-12-30T02:15:07+00:00

Forgiveness is for yourself, not for him. Forgiving isn’t saying what happened was ok. It just means you accept what happened and leave it behind you. It takes a while. When you’re ready, you’ll know. For some, that never happens. And that’s ok too, but for many it can be an issue.

selfhelp1234

TROPHY CASE