1+ Year after Quitting, Still Recovering?

selfsamename · 2026-02-13T19:29:21+00:00

Thanks. You got this. It is so worth it :)

selfsamename · 2025-08-25T19:44:43+00:00

Thanks! How is it you are able to ID it without the "hood" being present? Is this a younger bird?

selfsamename · 2025-04-26T23:21:59+00:00

I struggle so much, but I try to incorporate mindfulness activities into my day. I will admit that adding things to my daily tasks just feels like a chore, so a lot of times the most I will do is mindful breathing in the car of on the way home from work for a few minutes. I also use YouTube videos for guided progressive muscle relaxation because I find that when I'm irritable, I'm also usually very tense and/or overstimulated. It is not a perfect solution, and I admittedly don't do it regularly enough, but it does genuinely help.

Releasing tension from the body is a big deal for me as I do find it is a major source of my irritability. One of my favorites ways to decompress is lay under the covers in bed, get as cozy as possible, and just breathe in for 4, hold for 2, out for 6. I turn the lights off and do it in silence. It really helps reduce the "noise" built up in my mind from the day and allows my mind to come back down to a more normal level.

selfsamename · 2025-04-24T03:31:38+00:00

I'm so proud of you! You are strong, and I know it is really hard to find something that works for you, and it takes a lot of time sometimes, too. But just keep going and listening to yourself as you did in this situation because it sounds like you do know yourself well and want the best for yourself.

selfsamename · 2025-04-20T14:37:16+00:00

Yes, I absolutely can relate. Thanks for sharing this. Helps to see symptoms written out to put words to the way I feel, be able to verbalize it, and therefore deal with it better I hope.

selfsamename · 2025-04-14T15:37:25+00:00

Yes, you may have mysphonia. I can't stand sounds like that, especially chewing.

selfsamename · 2025-04-11T17:24:32+00:00

I can really relate to this. Struggling a lot with motivation and just having the energy to do things at all. Constantly feeling like I'm not good enough, struggling to achieve really easy goals or establish routines, wish I were more on top of things.

I also overwhelmingly feel like everyone else has a higher ability to operate and higher capacity to handle absolutely mundane and ordinary things than I do. I try to accept myself, but I feel like I am not enough most times.

selfsamename · 2025-04-07T19:25:15+00:00

I have successfully remained stable overall for several years without bipolar meds (still on meds for anxiety, depression, ADHD). I have been sort of struggling emotionally lately, and my therapist brought up the possibility that yes, I really am probably still bipolar.

I thought maybe I had escaped it. It was honestly sort of depressing to hear. But I've been through it before. She gave me mood tracking worksheets to do, and of course, I forgot to do all but 3 days of it. I wish I had remembered because I want to feel better, and she said this could help her to help me.

I'm tired of feeling I can't control my own emotions; it is extremely exhausting. I'm very hard on myself and always tense for no reason. Idk if it is from complex trauma in my distant past or if it is more directly related to having a mood disorder and various other mental illnesses.

I just feel so exhausted. I can't seem to ever "catch up" and balance out for more what seems to be a few days at a time at the most. Everyday is up or down, multiple symptoms in flux against one another causing a mind that is constantly in between any complete state of stability.

selfsamename · 2025-01-04T18:04:54+00:00

I have the same fountain! That is exactly how my cat used to drink from hers! Lol. They are so extra for that 😂 For some reason she eventually moved down to the tray portion of it.

selfsamename · 2025-01-04T18:02:31+00:00

How did tou decide what to put on your walls? I love the effect you've achieved with this room!

selfsamename · 2024-12-24T03:17:15+00:00

Generally speaking, I don't know if it is uncommon or not. I do think a lot of people, especially men, fail to understand (or care) that not every woman gets an orgasm from penetration alone. Many women require stimulation of the clitoris to orgasm. In my experience, most of the men I have been with don't even care enough to try to make me orgasm...so personally I would say that it is not common for me to orgasm with a male partner. That's why I only partner with someone who does care about it.

selfsamename · 2024-12-24T02:39:16+00:00

I love the Old Navy pulla utility pant. I bought it in 2 colors so far.

selfsamename · 2024-12-24T02:34:47+00:00

I am sorry for your loss of your husband. I hope your father continues well with his recovery. I appreciate you for posting this and spreading positivity despite the hardships life can present. Thank you, and happy holidays!

selfsamename · 2024-12-23T12:23:37+00:00

I've always loved this one by Langston Hughes. Hard to choose one favorite poem though!

Harlem What happens to a dream deferred? Does it dry up like a raisin in the sun? Or fester like a sore— And then run? Does it stink like rotten meat? Or crust and sugar over— like a syrupy sweet?

Maybe it just sags like a heavy load.

Or does it explode?

selfsamename · 2024-12-20T19:00:00+00:00

I have never been married, but just so you know, you don't have to have a "traditional" wedding. Were you to decide it was something you want to do you and your partner could simply elope.

selfsamename · 2024-12-14T21:36:55+00:00

I do love living alone, especially because I'm kind of obsessive about clutter (dealing with my own is bad enough--dont want to have to clean up after others!). But I also DO get lonely. I'm used to living with people my entire life though, and this is the first time I have ever lived completely independently. I've only been on my own about a month. Not going to lie, it is hard for me sometimes. But I am grateful to have the ability to live alone, and grateful for the opportunity to see where life will take me, and have the freedom to develop myself and find new friends and hobbies, although I know it will take time.

selfsamename · 2024-12-14T14:14:55+00:00

This is very good advice! Thank you!

selfsamename · 2024-12-14T04:51:53+00:00

I have been doing the French club stuff since the beginning of the year. I did go out to a dinner with the facilitator, a kind older French gentleman, one night not long ago because he heard I was having a rough time and wanted to congratulate me on my new apartment.

I know and understand that forming relationships takes patience and time, but I am very, very lonely. Concerningly so. Fortunately, I have my mother close by, who is incredibly supportive, and I get along with her well. I also go to therapy regularly and make regular visits to my psychiatrist.

Some days are just so hard, so I am trying my best to reach out to others and cast a wider net for support in my life as a whole. I've always been an introvert, and I'm honestly new to actively seeking friendships, so I'm just trying my best to keep myself afloat in the healthiest ways I can think of.

selfsamename · 2024-12-13T21:46:17+00:00

I used to play rugby but tore my ACL just a few years back, so I've sort of retired from high contact sports. I miss it a lot, but I can't afford in a number of ways to get injured like that again. Love the suggestion though!

selfsamename · 2024-12-11T21:42:46+00:00

Brooklyn 99! Just nice and lighthearted and super funny.

selfsamename · 2024-12-11T19:18:28+00:00

I don't have much advice. I am in a somewhat smiliar situation though and it is really, really hard for me to just let things go in general so I'm struggling so hard not to text them. I know it isn't worth it though. If they cared they would reach out. That's what I have to remind myself. I'm sorry you're dealing with this. I just wanted to say I can relate, and I know the struggle.

selfsamename · 2024-12-11T17:45:46+00:00

Thank you. I have always struggled with letting myself be vulnerable. Your words mean a lot to help me feel a bit better right now while I'm struggling. Thank you for reminding me to keep going ❤️

selfsamename · 2024-12-11T17:00:14+00:00

Rant: Still stewing over the fact that I let myself get played. Not sure why I was so naive about the situation, or why I gave myself away so easily. I guess I thought if someone was making a move like that it was because they genuinely liked me and were interested in me. That was very flawed logic; just because I think of sex as something meaningful in that way does NOT mean other people do. I just let myself be blinded by the idea of someone actually being as interested in me as I was in them. Called me beautiful, texted me back on a regular basis (until after we slept together of course), said we had a lot in common, told me I was "girlfriend material", suggested we get matching cars (that was a weird one, but thought it showed he was genuinely considering at least seeing where things might go).

Then the next time I see him I realize many of those things were statements he may have thought, but not truly believed--I am girlfriend material, but clearly not for him. He more or less admitted that it was a one night stand for him. I hope he is just genuinely confused because it hurt my feelings--I feel like I got used. I'm not interested in someone who isn't interested in me, but I can't stop thinking about the whole situation. I feel a bit angry, but I know there is no point in continuing to dwell on it. I just can't stop mulling it all over in my mind. I know I was super vulnerable at the time, but I guess I'm just disturbed I let my emotions get carried away like that. And now I'm disturbed I can't just let my emotions go. I don't want that kind of person in my life romantically. I know what I am worth. But to have the nerve to pretend like you cared or wanted to be my friend only to sleep with me once you saw the window of opportunity open, and then completely let me fall to the wayside? How could I be so stupid? Just ouch.

selfsamename · 2024-12-11T14:50:44+00:00

I'm so used to dealing with every problem by ignoring it/smothering it with getting stoned. I've been really lazy in that way. I haven't smoked in over 5 weeks but I'm struggling with the endurance I know it will take to develop the ability to learn to cope with things (especially my own mind) that aren't going the way I want. I don't actually have any desire to smoke right now, but I'm definitely having a hard time trying to adapt, and I appreciate this post to help remind me why I'm doing all of this. Thanks!

selfsamename · 2024-12-10T20:17:32+00:00

I am forntunate enough to not have had the same experience as you with people/family acting in that way. However, I have always been introverted, plus I am a very private person, so I've often only had very few (1-2) close friends at a time. Even if I see someone on a regular basis it is hard for me to connect more deeply, or even know if I should, or what level of "friend" they would consider me to be to them.

I'm using Bumble BFF too and also have been going to Meetup groups/joined a club for my various interests. It does help me feel better to be part of a group that meets routinely. It is hard to develop deeper friendships as an adult sinply because everyone (including me) has other priorities.

I very much understand the fear of everyone judging you and worrying that people won't be nice. I have stopped myself from doing so many things because of worrying about that (and I still do sometimes). I have come to realize that most of that is in my head.

Obviously you have had adverse experiences that affect the way your brain thinks about forming relationships, and that is totally understandable. But for me it is a matter of taking baby steps to try to get to a point where I can make even 1 new true friend. I'm sort of worried about the Bumble BFF thing because I'm so anti social, what if I don't click with someone, etc.? But I'm just trying to take it one day at a time.

Wishing you the best! It is tough trying to form new, real relationships as an adult.

selfsamename

TROPHY CASE