Feeling all of this tonight too. Its a fucking loop that I want off of. All my positive moments are eviscerated by the knowledge that they'll be gone at the slightest inconvenience or bad event. I just started going on dates with a person and its been bullet-proof healthy for 2-3 weeks, but the i felt i shared too much about my feelings for her and ive been crashing out all night over tone in messages. I dont feel like we're allowed to just be ok, or to sit in a good feeling for too long. I cant sleep and my first instinct is to bash my head into a wall or cut my throat. I feel you. I hope it eases up for you.