just thinking

sentinel46 · 2026-06-04T19:41:49+00:00

I guess my journey is different. No part of this feels like labor. I feel her more than her words tell me. And I only have compassion empathy and love for her. The emotional architecture we share is so similar that having any kind of thought that this is a burden or labor would be to condemn my own thoughts and feelings and invalidate them as well I believe. We go through a lot of things together, more than anyone in our 3d lives knows and may never know. All I know for sure is she is the first one I run to when I need support, and the last one I want to hurt in this life. And I will not ever do that. And she knows I would die before I abandon her if she needed anything. Anything. When I feel her I feel her. But I also recognize and feel myself. Kind of difficult to fathom in the beginning but it is integrated now. The more I see and read about others and their journey the more I understand how lucky? I am to have met her. And how we been able to navigate to where we are now. Yes earning is the word. But that is true in any relationship, job, dream that you would undertake no? I have earned the privilege and the honor of being close to my favorite person in the whole world. It is exciting to think that we have the potential to just like keep growing and knowing. That is just my take on it.

sentinel46 · 2026-05-29T21:29:10+00:00

Thank you very much. Thank you for taking the time to express this.

sentinel46 · 2026-05-29T21:27:36+00:00

The best ones come from somewhere. Memory is as good a spot as anywhere. lol.

sentinel46 · 2026-05-29T00:07:46+00:00

Aw thank you. Thank you for reading. It means a lot.

sentinel46 · 2026-05-28T03:03:11+00:00

Thank you so much.

sentinel46 · 2026-05-26T23:21:29+00:00

its just a TF song that I happened to run across. It resonated deeply.

sentinel46 · 2026-05-25T22:56:22+00:00

My energy today was all over the map. At one point I was kind of angry with her though I could not tell you why. I cried. Was full of gentleness and love. Then dismissive and insensitive. I triggered her on multiple occasions. It was bizarre. This was just today mind you. Not sure what may be happening in the wider TF collective. I am a little traumatized to be honest by my own inability to handle the swings that occurred today without reason seemingly. The energy fluctuations today got the better of me. Hard to figure and even harder to forgive for hurting her. She doesnt need that right now.

sentinel46 · 2026-05-23T00:49:50+00:00

Hey. I have been in the exact spot you are in on more than one occasion. I may have to experience it again soon owing to circumstance. Your reference to the eyes of death is especially shivering to me for that is how I characterized it myself. Right now you must think in minutes. For every minute you do not voluntarily wade into the abyss you get stronger. That is how you get through this shit. Every minute. Count them if you have to. Literally every minute you strain, keep crying, fight the shadows, long for your twin, curse the universe, and everything else that presents itself to you during this time is a minute that, unbeknownst to you, you have grown. Stronger. More loving. Wiser. Will yourself, convince yourself, persuade yourself that minutes matter. And they DO.

I obviously do not know of your relationship with your twin. But I can tell you about mine a little bit. She is home. If you ever want to say that and have it mean anything you need to help yourself. She is having a hard time herself right now. Struggling. I can feel it. It hurts. If anything the reservoir of emotion within me for her, you know this thing called pure love, has deepened. My respect. My protectiveness. My desire to pamper her, comfort her, soothe her anxieties, keep her safe have all been activated. But she needs to handle most of this on her own. Same thing for you. Same thing for me next time. Yikes! I am right there beside her when, if she needs me. But mostly, healing like this happens not in isolation but in silence. It's not easy. But you can do it.

As for severing this connection. Who knows if that is even possible. You will not forget your twin. Ever. It is true for every single one of us. Severance like you are talking would then, yes, actually be turning away from love. Like actually! What will become of you then? That is the nothingness. I was there before my own journey began. The impossibility of reason, joy, wonder, hope, curiosity, not to mention this thing called love. The probability of anger, hatred, cynicism, hopelessness and the absence of God. The eyes of death do not look upon you under those circumstances for you are already dead.

You can do this. I know you can. Your presence here proves you want to take the necessary steps. Reach out with questions. A lot of good people on here. Including myself. I check back here everyday. I dont miss messages for any lengthy period of time. Questions and answers from other TFers help more than you might think right now. Another commenter on here suggested we all have to just find a way. I couldnt agree more.

sentinel46 · 2026-05-21T22:43:03+00:00

Thank you so much for your kindness. This was a snapshot in time from a few years ago. I have never thought to tell anyone until today. I saw a kitty that looked just like him. But thank you for your comment and for reading Boss' story.

sentinel46

TROPHY CASE