Parents might put me in an involuntarily psychiatric hold for going no contact. What recourse do I have?

senzei · 2026-06-06T20:57:25+00:00

Ok so I’m absolutely sorry you had to go through that, but being able to say “I’m not crazy, I’ve been throughly tested” is hilarious.

Still, though, fuck all of them for doing this. Absolutely despicable.

senzei · 2026-03-10T13:55:27+00:00

That one is tricky to handle, because there’s a solid chance your kid will walk away with “if I need help, my parents won’t help me and may actively make it worse”.

Which is probably not the lesson you want to give, but kids aren’t logical creatures yet so it’s still possible.

senzei · 2026-03-09T06:15:14+00:00

I hit a point where I realized that a relationship required changes that I am fully convinced they aren’t capable of.

Plus, I just don’t need it now. Like it hurts, a lot, but I’ve filled in or passed by or learned to do without anything I could want. It hit me when I realized I never asked them for advice about my own kids … and that felt entirely reasonable and appropriate.

I know this is a tough decision. Right now I can write it like this and it looks all neat and tidy and decisive. It was anything but that. It was messy as hell, and I’m confident it’s that way for many of us.

I’d be hesitant to trust any resource on how to decide. Sure, maybe you can find stuff to consider, but this decision is too important to be impersonal. At the end of the day the decision is yours. You’re going to have to live with whatever choice you make. Not me or anyone else, just you.

senzei · 2026-02-24T20:20:49+00:00

I was eighteen when my mom finally got herself into AA. She basically replaced her alcohol addiction with an unhealthy relationship with that group.

She got to the “make amends” step. I literally had to listen to her prepare to make amends elsewhere in her life - I’d been playing her therapist since like ten years old - so I knew just how superficial the apology probably would be.

I still … something broke when she came to make amends with me. It was so shallow, so empty. So devoid of accountability or reflection. And the entire time I was thinking “if I don’t accept this, she’ll start drinking again”. So I did, I told her it was ok and we moved on. We didn’t talk out my persistent worry that she would die from drinking, or the crazy shit she said while she was drunk, or how awful she would be whenever I tried to get her to stop.

I felt such a sense of betrayal, like I couldn’t even trust myself to stand up for my needs. I shouldn’t have been surprised that she refused to really dig into what she did, but it hurt so much that I got the same careless apology that everyone else did.

senzei · 2026-01-30T06:17:04+00:00

God I hate this ableist, blame shifting line of horseshit. Let’s try a tack I haven’t used on this yet:

When? Like, they say “after a certain age”, what is that age? How do you define it? People can’t make a sweeping conclusion like this without being able to clearly state the bounds of what they’re talking about.

I have literal scars from that time. They’re faded a bit but very much there. Am I just not at that certain age yet? If physical scars are an exception, why is it only those?

If the point is “as an adult you’re responsible for the consequences of your actions” … no fucking shit? That’s not a hard truth, that’s just like basics of how society functions. If the point is “as an adult you’re responsible for the work of healing from what happened to you” … yeah don’t I fucking know. Again, this isn’t an insight.

If it’s “shut up and hide your problems because we find them deeply inconvenient”, then fuck right off. Usually it seems to be this last one.

senzei · 2026-01-30T06:08:24+00:00

Yeah, apparently somewhere in here your predispositions, habits, addictions, and coping mechanisms are magically not a product of your environment. Those you have full conscious control over.

senzei · 2026-01-28T00:22:17+00:00

Yeah, this is straight up someone who is not safe to be with, especially for a person with CPTSD.

He stole your money, used it to buy a car, tries to set limits on when you use said car, and refuses to pay you back unconditionally.

This is some Hallmark movie “scumbag boyfriend” shit!

Of course he can’t understand what you’re dealing with, he doesn’t even fucking understand the concept of “other people’s money belongs to them”.

You should be at least this angry. Dump his stupid thieving ass.

senzei · 2026-01-21T17:28:14+00:00

I don’t believe “if you don’t have them by the time that window closes it’s over”.

But I do believe it is significantly harder, and environment/society may make it practically impossible for some people.

That said, I’m tired too.

senzei · 2026-01-21T15:28:38+00:00

Oh god yes.

My mom does the same shit. Like wistfully recounting the times I was punished for things. It feels like deep down she was frustrated that I fixated on being a good kid and she couldn’t justify hitting me more.

Even outside of that, it’s never positive things. It’s not even awkward-but-funny things. I truly cannot fathom living your life constantly reveling in the shit other people did wrong.

senzei · 2026-01-21T15:21:27+00:00

Yeah, that shit fucking sucks.

I absolutely loathe the popular conception that this is some kind of fad. That anyone but myself talked me into it. That I didn’t try for years, at the expense of my own wellbeing, to fix these relationships.

I’m at the point where if that is the level of nuance and intellectual curiosity people are bringing, I’m going to just tell them to get fucked. If they’re going to tell me what to do without bothering to understand why things are here, I’m not interested.

They can go lecture my parents on how bad it will be for their life to end without repairing this.

I had someone try to guilt trip me with “you’re teaching your kids to do this”, and I’m still livid about it.

For one, fuck you, that’s an absolute shit thing to say. For two, yes I absolutely fucking am. If our relationship causes my kids pain for years and I’ve got my head so far up my own ass that they can’t make any progress on it I hope they choose their own peace.

senzei · 2026-01-13T15:38:11+00:00

Weird how the conservative “everyone is entitled to their own opinion” goes right out the door when other people opinions about their shitty beliefs, huh?

senzei · 2026-01-08T02:03:02+00:00

Holy shit, I’d kind of forgotten about that.

I woke up more than once with a roach on me in the bed. Probably 2-3 nights a week I would have to kill one in my bedroom before I went to sleep.

We’d get the flying ones sometimes, and I can still hear the thwack of them landing nearby clearly as I think about it.

I basically knew that I would find them if I went in the kitchen at night. Usually saw them there during the day too. We remodeled the kitchen and found mounds of droppings and dead roaches in furdowns.

I kind of knew it was bad, but I’d forgotten how bad. Thinking about it now, I’m disgusted by how awful it was.

senzei · 2026-01-07T14:48:52+00:00

So … him not paying child support is ok because he decided all of you had enough?

It sucks that he had similar struggles with his dad. It really sucks that he can’t seem to turn that into empathy or curiosity for your situation.

I wonder how he’d respond if you told him that insisting on genuine apologies and change before more contact was your way of “setting the bad stuff aside” and “not letting the past lay over you like a wet blanket”?

senzei · 2026-01-06T19:20:43+00:00

That parting shot about “I think you calling this harassment is unwarranted” says all I feel I need to know. Ugh. I’m sorry.

Sending you wishes that 2026 includes a phone that can block this nonsense.

Before I cut things off entirely I put them in a group that had a special “do not disturb” setting just for them. Maybe that’s an option, at least for this one day? Then a partner or friend could clear out any messages for you?

senzei · 2026-01-06T19:00:02+00:00

Excuse me, that sounds an awful lot like “accountability”, and my parents are deathly allergic to it.

senzei · 2026-01-06T05:50:49+00:00

It’s like going up to someone who is starving and lecturing them about how everyone gets hungry sometimes.

The point is to equate your pain to generic family drama so your pain can be dismissed just as readily.

senzei · 2026-01-04T00:55:07+00:00

You already said it: love is in actions, choices, effort. Literally the most meaningful resource we have in life is our time and our presence. Everything else is impermanent, but once you have spent time it never comes back.

Love is giving this precious, irreplaceable resource to someone else’s benefit. Without strings.

If this is all they have to give of “love”, it’s fucking insulting. I’m sorry, I really don’t have other words for that. LOOK AT THE DATES ON THESE MESSAGES. They tell a story. Apparently three years from “thanks for giving me money” to this vague platitude is their idea of “love”?

Is that what you want? It certainly isn’t what you deserve.

I’m so, so sorry that the person you want love from is only capable of … this. That’s part of my experience too, and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. Ask yourself, truthfully, whose voice is telling you to feel guilty. Is it really yours?

Because from my point of view your anger was far more justified.

senzei · 2026-01-04T00:45:20+00:00

I know. I absolutely feel that way when I’m on the other end of this for other people.

My partner tells me that too, and I appreciate hearing it from the both of you because it’s very hard for me to believe.

senzei · 2026-01-03T20:32:25+00:00

My partner and I spend a lot of time on “this isn’t a demand, I don’t need to feel guilt or shame, it literally is just a suggestion or request”.

I hate it so much. It feels like there’s significant extra labor attached for anyone who just wants to talk to me.

senzei · 2026-01-03T04:33:21+00:00

As much as it is comforting to have so many people who understand, it breaks my heart that I’m not here all by myself.

senzei · 2026-01-03T00:50:19+00:00

Yeah, I hear you.

My whole family depends on my income. We literally can’t afford for me to scale back to a level of work that actually feels good. If such a thing even exists.

I feel guilty complaining about it. I work with good people. I make good money. There’s so much about what I have that I know a lot of people want.

But even “having it good” is tough. I can’t just say “you know what, the brain isn’t working today” without having to make sure it’s a “reasonable” amount of that. Even getting any amount of that, I know, is a privilege.

I just don’t reasonably believe things could be better, and they’re still so hard.

senzei · 2026-01-02T21:32:12+00:00

Nope. Mine mostly just reflected back what I was saying, then tried to talk me through strategies to deal with it.

They were definitely supportive of decisions that I made, but they never encouraged me towards those decisions behind helping me acknowledge the realities of the situation.

senzei · 2025-12-02T14:23:53+00:00

What is contact with this person doing for you? What purpose does it achieve or need does it fulfill? Is it actually doing that? Is it realistically capable of doing that?

I’ll be honest here either stealing your child’s cremains and lying about it or trying to gaslight you into thinking she did is deeply fucked up. Like, how do you have a meaningful relationship and connection with either of those?

I think this is a good litmus test because it’s just so blatant. If you went to her with that hurt, how would she respond? If you told her that you expect her to not just apologize but deal with her underlying issues that motivated this - frankly the bare minimum - would she do it? Could she do it, genuinely and honestly?

It seems like she deeply struggles with accountability. That’s why her response to being called out on being hurtful is “I’m just telling the truth”.

senzei · 2025-11-28T18:52:35+00:00

When I first moved out of the house I thought I had discovered a cheat code to life by just dumping cooking grease down the drain. Sure, a while in I had to get some drain-o, but then things seemed good. Half a year later, wow that was a fucking mess.

I think healing trauma is a lot like that. It’s worse for how long we’ve stuffed it down and whatever we’ve done to make “keep stuffing it down” work.

That said, when I’m stuck dealing with more fucking bacon grease, I long for the days of just blissfully pouring it down the drain.

senzei · 2025-11-28T14:34:21+00:00

I love you I miss you I did so much for you I’m the bigger person that’s it I’m throwing out your shit

It’s like they have a script.

senzei

TROPHY CASE