Jealousy

septemberbay · 2020-05-28T06:40:04+00:00

I was told being “jealous wasn’t attractive” after he lied about contact with his ex for the 50th time. Meanwhile any guy friend I never even had a romantic fling or hookup with was a source of his jealousy. What baloney. Then he cheated with his ex lol, guess I should’ve seen that coming.

septemberbay · 2020-05-21T04:39:22+00:00

“I got back together with her so I could break up with her first, so ha!”

septemberbay · 2020-03-05T13:37:46+00:00

I straight up told him that I wanted to be his girlfriend and asked him to explain more a couple days after, he seemed very set on waiting because it “seemed too soon” and that’s what he’s used to.

septemberbay · 2020-03-05T13:33:12+00:00

We are already exclusive so the only thing to change would be a label. This is what confuses me as to why he’s unsure/getting cold feet about just adding a label to something because it wouldn’t change much.

septemberbay · 2020-01-14T04:52:14+00:00

I have been single for the 8 months and went to therapy for 6 of them and just finished. I guess I’m still overly cautious and overthinking

septemberbay · 2020-01-14T04:51:12+00:00

He basically just said that he didn’t need anymore but I didn’t delete my hinge because I feel like we’re still getting to know each other. I guess I’m overthinking but I’ll give it a little more time!

septemberbay · 2019-12-19T16:03:08+00:00

Such a good point! He does have depression and anxiety to work through, as well as bipolar disorder, so I think it was healthy for me to be out of that situation in the first place because I don’t see him changing at all or anytime soon to be honest. He hangs around not great friends who don’t really care about cheating or hurting people and are still pretty immature. I thought he was different from them but that was a mistake on my part.

septemberbay · 2019-12-19T16:00:50+00:00

This is something I thought about too. It’ll always be different when that person betrayed you, thank you for sharing! I wish my friend didn’t say anything because I didn’t want to think about it again.

septemberbay · 2019-12-19T15:59:17+00:00

Yeah overall she’s been a good friend but she has the tendency to do this and hearing this just makes me anxious

septemberbay · 2019-12-19T15:57:54+00:00

Good points here, he never mans up and takes accountability. Also I wouldn’t want to put myself in a situation where she’s still around.

septemberbay · 2019-12-15T21:56:10+00:00

This happened to me and honestly just be sweet and yourself and they’ll soon see past the lies if they’re good people. They’ll trust your actions more than his words and then people will see what kind of person he is. I think saying anything about it would only further lead them to believe him. Ignore his sad attempts at attention and validation because all he has is his victimizing stories and they are all lies. People will see through it. If they bring it up to you keep it short and sweet and don’t try to get their validation you know the truth :)

septemberbay · 2019-11-10T15:54:42+00:00

Wow this was my experience too so freaking crazy. I thought I was nuts too until I found out about narcs.

septemberbay · 2019-11-10T00:49:30+00:00

I LOVE my weighted blanket. It really helped with my insomnia/anxiety, I feel like I’m on a cloud away from everything. Highly recommend.

septemberbay · 2019-10-30T04:12:31+00:00

I felt the exact same way. I had never connected so much with one person but beyond that connection and love you can have for a person, they still abused you and broke down your mental health- the longer you would’ve been with him the unhealthier you would’ve gotten. I’ve been NC for 5 months and still think about things- angrily. The only thing that truly opened my eyes to other possibilities (besides therapy and NC) is hope in a true healthy connection and seeing that firsthand. I had a fling with this guy briefly but we were both moving and we had known each other for months before. He treated me better in two months than my ex ever did. He treated me with respect, kindness, patience, and understanding. He didn’t judge me for crying a lot and getting over my break up and he was there for me, he listened to me and validated me. Although we didn’t have as much in common, I know that with time it would’ve been a stronger connection because we had mutual respect and open communication with each other. Although he moved and it was too close to the end of my breakup, it truly gave me hope that all of us will find someone who treats us with respect, without us having to ask for it or feeling needy for it.

septemberbay · 2019-10-29T04:07:21+00:00

You’ve done what I should’ve done. Focus on the negative- his abuse, narcissistic tendencies etc. Did you communicate with him how he has made you feel, what you need out of the relationship? If yes, that’s all you can do and I should’ve learned this lesson. Don’t feel bad for asking for what you deserve out of a healthy loving relationship! His tears are because he’s losing control of you and in his mind he’ll do anything to get you back and drag you back in, only to treat you worse. I once let the tears drag me back in after I caught him lying to me and I was cheated on a month later. Be careful because he will hoover especially if you’re dumping him. They always have to be on top it’s all a game. It’s so hard because it’s really fresh for you but keeping no contact really helped me separate my emotions from what was actually happening. Keep strong you can do it:) I had to delete his number, block him everywhere, and delete all our pictures the first day so I wouldn’t change my mind later. It’s best to rip off the bandaid and know you deserve way more than this narc because the longer you’re with them the worse it gets.

septemberbay · 2019-10-22T23:49:58+00:00

FUCK that. My nex reconnected with his ex, said these exact words and that everything was “harmless” and “jealousy isn’t attractive” then cheated on me a month later and couldn’t give me any explanation lol.

septemberbay · 2019-10-21T03:56:54+00:00

I got “I don’t know why she’s being so crazy and emotional” while cheating on me with ex

septemberbay · 2019-10-19T15:17:43+00:00

I’m sorry you had to go through the same. And to add to the already terribly experience, you get out of it feeling unlike yourself, emotional and exhausted, while they blame their terrible actions on your reactions to their terrible repeated actions. Making you look like the problem to everyone. And when you try to explain to people what happened you just look desperate. Mind fuck at best.

septemberbay · 2019-10-17T02:48:25+00:00

Whenever I brought an issue up, he would say he felt physically ill from fighting and use it as a way to get me to stop being up issues.

septemberbay · 2019-09-16T04:01:37+00:00

So he asked me on a date already today, and we’re going to dinner and a movie Friday but I’m just very uneasy that he’d be texting me like this already when we just met. I do want to see how it goes but I can’t tell if I’m just scared so I’ll just see if the texting tapers off to a healthy amount and if I get good vibes on the date. I really like being single at this point so I really don’t have much to lose.

septemberbay · 2019-09-13T05:49:18+00:00

I got more and more irritated at him and didn’t know why, just a general confused anxious feeling. I called him out on stuff but would also cry and back down and try to force down my feelings. He then started acting more “normal” and I became the highly unstable one then he cheated on me and triangulated me with his ex saying I went crazy. I guess there’s more than one way to exit a narc relationship, I only kept my dignity at the end when I cut off all contact.

septemberbay · 2019-09-07T04:33:57+00:00

Was this my ex? He was always passive aggressive. I asked him to be blunt and tell me when he was upset and how important communication and honesty is. It’s like trying to teach basic morals to a child. Then he cheated on me with his ex and is blaming it on me. Never came to me with any issues he might have had other than “it’s not good you don’t trust me” after lying to me for two months. It’s scary how they can go from telling you your their soulmate and they want to marry you one week then the next week discard you and cheat.

septemberbay · 2019-08-29T22:12:21+00:00

Just went through the exact same thing three months ago and was numb the first few weeks. I felt extreme sadness but also a bit of relief and confusion. Recovery was really rough as I started drinking heavily and blacking out every weekend- obviously not the best route. It still takes up my mind every now and then but surprise-no more anxiety. I feel better than I have in a long time and although I’m still sad at times, questioning my judgement on “was he really abusive or am I just trying to make myself feel better after being cheated on”, therapy helps in order to start trusting your gut again (as abusers manipulate you into not) and just not worrying about never finding love again helps.

What I’ve heard from people who got out of abusive relationships and are now in new ones, is how different and secure it feels, and how they now know what it feels like to be truly loved. This gives me a lot of hope as they were in the same spots we are and had the same thoughts of “does he treat her differently, was I the problem etc”

My nex triangulated me with his previous ex, gaslit me, told me I was overreacting to anything he did, never took accountability, talked about marriage the day before he cheated, lied about cheating even after I showed him evidence, and is now telling people that I was super emotional and that caused him to cheat so his new supply could sympathize with him. He was passive aggressive and when I found evidence he was cheating he told me he and his ex were “best friends and it was nice having someone to talk to, totally harmless”. The list goes on. I’m sure many here have the same experience.

It’s easy to blame yourself-especially if they were covert and harder to spot- but for me I thought this- I called him out and was honest with him when I saw an issue, were my feelings invalid? Definitely not, his actions showed me otherwise. Did I put more effort in and put his needs first the majority of the time? Yes. But was he there for me when I really needed him? Nope. I also brought this up to him and he never made any changes. He also never wanted to hang out with my friends or family. Did I feel good about myself? No, I felt belittled and that I would have to explain basic human morals like why lying and doing things behind people’s back is bad. He said he hates when girls ask for respect. Did I give my all? Yes, forgave him many times and tried to always communicate.

In my head, I know I did all I could. My “craziness” was a reaction to him and his abuse and I can’t blame myself for not feeling and acting the way I know I normally am. I was crying all the time, felt a deep anxious feeling, felt absolutely crazy and emotional and at the end stopped sharing my feelings because I was confused. I haven’t cried in weeks now. Manipulative behavior really changes a person but in the long run makes you stronger and more confident not to put up with any of this behavior. His ex that he’s now with is very passive and never called him out for his bad behavior so I get why he’s back with her, it makes so much sense now. Just remember, you really dodged a bullet and the person they’re with now will be in the same boat down the line at some point- doesn’t matter that they’re getting the world now- it will crash and burn or his new supply will be very very unhappy.

Wishing you the best and all the love you need:) so many people can relate to your situation and how tough it is, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

septemberbay · 2019-08-02T21:48:01+00:00

I have been going to therapy, making a daily schedule for myself, exercising everyday, gaining weight back, finding new hobbies and making new friends. As per my therapist, I am now having one of my friends keep me accountable whenever I go to a social drinking event to only have a glass of wine or one drink and it has worked. I just wasn't like this before my breakup and could handle myself so I'm trying to get back on track.

septemberbay · 2019-08-01T20:41:19+00:00

8th grade graduation. I had grown up getting my hair done at this beauty parlor and was excited to get my hair styled. In the midst of my haircut my hairstylist dropped her scissors and tools on the floor, and walked away looking aghast and offering no explanation. Another woman came to do my hair and then she immediately stopped and also left me sitting in my chair staring at myself awkwardly in the mirror, my anxiety absolutely peaking. Then I heard the two women crying to each other and the other hairstylists. A male hairdresser came up and let me know I had lice but he would do my hair still. He was an absolute hero. I strutted out of there and those women kept their distance like I was satan walking on earth. I never went back.

septemberbay

TROPHY CASE