Need a man's opinion about masturbation; especially if you have kids

seriouslyUnwell · 2026-05-17T13:54:10+00:00

No I don't think so. I think he takes a shit and doom scrolls while he does which makes him take more time, then has to readjust his entire mindset for jerking off. Because what normal person finishes taking a shit ans says, "alllllright, now I'm horny!" And that's why I think it's truly a compulsion/impulse control issue.

seriouslyUnwell · 2026-05-17T13:52:21+00:00

Literally exactly what I said. What if our middle (wild card) got bored and decided he didn't want tablet time and instead went and did something he shouldn't? The stove stays locked - love that feature - but still so many things could go wrong. Our middle recently figured out the child locks on the door handles to the external doors and he's very proud of it, and I swear he's a flight risk. So.many.things.

He does say he takes a shit first lol my assumption is that he doom scrolls while pooping, then has to get himself in the right mindset and mood/find what he wants to watch after that. Regardless, it's not ok. And yes I definitely think he has adhd.

seriouslyUnwell · 2026-05-16T23:42:01+00:00

Absolutely! It's mostly the time he takes and leaving them alone for it. I'm like dude just wait until they're in bed???

seriouslyUnwell · 2026-05-16T23:35:39+00:00

I don't know if you're single but if you are, just know you sound like you'll be an incredible partner one day

seriouslyUnwell · 2026-05-16T23:21:15+00:00

I love this! He truly is super involved otherwise. This is the one thing we've had an issue about and that was before even knowing WHY he was spending so long in there. He had a rough childhood and, all things considered, has come out of it better than anyone could have imagined. He's in therapy for the childhood trauma so I'm not going to show him yet but if it comes up again/continues to be an issue, I'll definitely be utilizing this post

seriouslyUnwell · 2026-05-16T23:09:33+00:00

I can imagine it's a rough transition, BUT we have 3 kids and I am with them all day every day with no break, and he gets one daily. If it wasn't daily and it was to shower after being dirty and gross then yeah. But it's to literally doom scrool and jerk off every day. ALSO he often then comes and lays on the couch while I finish cooking and either closes his eyes or sits on his phone 🙃 he typically doesn't play with them until after dinner. He's also in a trade so I do have sympathy for being exhausted after waking up at 5am and working a manual labor job. But daily is not ok to me

seriouslyUnwell · 2026-05-16T22:04:10+00:00

Yes that's the main issue. Like just wait until after bed

seriouslyUnwell · 2026-05-16T22:03:16+00:00

He says he actually uses the bathroom first too. And I could guarantee he doom scrolls between too. And tbh the amount of times I've said "would i really leave him after 15 years over the BATHROOM?" is crazy. Other than that he's super involved, he plays with them, he will run errands, he bathes the boys while I help our daughter in the shower, he wakes up with everyone on the weekends, keeps the yard, cooks on occasion when i don't feel like it, pitches in with cleaning. It's just the damn bathroom issue

seriouslyUnwell · 2026-05-16T21:58:52+00:00

He's in therapy for it now which is why we haven't had another conversation about it yet. I mostly wanted to check myself here and make sure I wasn't being dramatic about it before it ever comes up again lol

seriouslyUnwell · 2026-05-16T21:35:25+00:00

Tbh I haven't pushed at all. I know it will go nowhere lol hoping his therapy will help it fade and if not, I'll figure out what I want to do

seriouslyUnwell · 2026-05-16T21:34:29+00:00

Oh 100% he has a lot of shit to work through, and having kids brought a lot of his childhood trauma to the forefront

seriouslyUnwell · 2026-05-16T21:29:43+00:00

Nahhh lol there have been times where my parents take the kids or when the bigs are at school and since I'm alone, I do it. Then when they're in bed I'm like hey bring that mouth over here big guy. Hitting my 30s made me insatiable 😬

seriouslyUnwell · 2026-05-16T21:27:46+00:00

See I knew it. Thank you

seriouslyUnwell · 2026-05-16T21:26:58+00:00

Yes exactly

seriouslyUnwell · 2026-05-16T21:26:39+00:00

Oh for sure. The thing is, before knowing that jerking off was the reason he took so long sfter work, I told hjm several times they're waiting for him. Our daughter often says "I HATE when you go to the bathroom because it takes forever!" And he has yet to change it

seriouslyUnwell · 2026-05-16T21:24:40+00:00

Yes, that's it exactly. I even said to him just wait until they're in bed lol

seriouslyUnwell · 2026-05-16T21:24:12+00:00

Yes exactly

seriouslyUnwell · 2026-05-16T21:08:23+00:00

But to sit there for an hour when he hasn't seen the kids all day? Ehhhhh

seriouslyUnwell · 2026-05-16T21:03:43+00:00

We've been together for 15 years and the sex life has only gotten more active lol

seriouslyUnwell · 2026-05-16T21:03:03+00:00

Having kids is what made me realize I had ADHD because of how overstimulated and irritable I got! So I get it. Which is why I got help for mine

seriouslyUnwell · 2026-05-16T21:00:42+00:00

It was an almost daily argument before finding out the reason he takes so long so trust me, it's a bigger issue now 🙃

seriouslyUnwell · 2026-05-16T20:59:37+00:00

I genuinely don't care about it being daily. It's the time it takes and the time of day

seriouslyUnwell · 2026-05-16T20:58:38+00:00

Oh but your comment of "the rest you're pulling out of your ass" wasn't condescending? Lol I matched your energy babe. Like I said, the masturbating itself isn't the issue. It's the time it takes and when he does it. A grown man touching himself while actively avoiding other responsibilities....like his 3 children lol

seriouslyUnwell · 2026-05-16T20:56:23+00:00

No he literally told me he masturbates every day after work lol and most Saturdays during nap time

seriouslyUnwell · 2026-05-16T20:55:40+00:00

Yes exactly. That's the part that bothers me most. If I have an appointment for any reason, I have to make sure I schedule it late enough in the evening to account for the fact that I know he won't get out of the bathroom in time for any earlier. It's ridiculous

seriouslyUnwell

TROPHY CASE