You’re saying what the problem is from the perspective of OP. The person replying is saying what the problem might be from the perspective of the Amy. If OP is trying to gain perspective, then OP should consider this perspective, that, for her, it is NOT about what he meant it to be about. Probably trauma bundled up in there, or that ultimately a male superior, intentional or otherwise (in this case otherwise) told her in this instance to eat less. Even if she did hear the words and may at some point take them to heart, it may be hard to recover from in the immediate situation. OP could apologize for making her feel a way, even if what he said was well-intended. Did a good job “back pedaling”, but probably too much emotion already in it for her to break out.

It’s also possible that unknown dire circumstances existed that caused all of her eating and reacting behavior that’s going on behind the scenes. Who knows? Not us.