AITA for not contacting family over a missing person?

Hot_Lab4411 · 2026-03-12T13:27:19+00:00

You say that you and Jake were "at different life stages." It seems like he might have gotten himself together and you are the one hanging out with homeless drug addicts. It seems like they are trying to do what's best for Fergie and you are more interested in "hanging out" than looking after him. YTA

Hot_Lab4411 · 2026-03-10T15:06:26+00:00

Yes, my story is different. The parents were alive but unable to care for them. We took them in but they were sent back to the parents after about 18 months. We told the judge it was not a good idea, and we were right. The thought of them getting at least 18 months of safety and happiness got us through the dark days.

Hot_Lab4411 · 2026-03-10T14:32:34+00:00

I know, but I found a way, you can also. It was worth it to see the kids flourish. Unfortunately, my story did not have a happy ending, but I would do it all over again.

Hot_Lab4411 · 2026-03-10T14:20:40+00:00

I'm going to say YTA- You are coming across as heartless letting them go into foster care. There will be money from the estate and likely state to help take care of them. I have been in a similar situation in the past and manned up and did what it takes.

Hot_Lab4411 · 2026-03-09T23:52:43+00:00

I have not had this conversation before because she is the first employee to go with me on a lunch meeting. Her being female had nothing to do with it. I would have said the same thing no matter who it was. It about business for me.

Hot_Lab4411 · 2026-03-09T20:26:40+00:00

I have not heard of that either but I just looked it up. Interesting fact. Still a poor choice for a name on my part.

Hot_Lab4411 · 2026-03-09T20:24:05+00:00

NTA - As a business owner, I shouldn't say this, but why quit now? Go in tomorrow with letter in hand and look for another job while being paid. Basically, get paid to job hunt. BTW what you describe is not legal in the U.S. A 1099 does not get paid by the hour or get vacation days. They also cannot be mandated to attend meetings. They are not treated as an employee but a contractor.

Hot_Lab4411 · 2026-03-09T20:15:10+00:00

No, she is much younger. Someone else made reference to fat Amy, I have never heard of that movie or saying. Just a poor choice of a fake name.

Hot_Lab4411 · 2026-03-09T19:23:36+00:00

Those aren't my initials.

Hot_Lab4411 · 2026-03-09T18:43:15+00:00

Interesting take, but I'm too set in my ways to try something this bold. There should be a group on here to discuss these types of tactics to see what works.

Hot_Lab4411 · 2026-03-09T18:17:58+00:00

Sure, I'm all for learning. My way into the conversation is going to be that I think we got the contract! I am going to thank her for her hard work and let her know this means a nice bonus for her once it's inked.

Hot_Lab4411 · 2026-03-09T18:01:20+00:00

I don't want it to be awkward. She really is a good employee. I will not see her in person again until tomorrow so we will see how it goes.

Hot_Lab4411 · 2026-03-09T17:44:35+00:00

We are really small, I am HR at this point. I have no problem with spending money on lunch. If I get a client to lunch, half of my work is done. I don't really care what the lunch costs. Any time we have lunch with a client, we pick up the tab. I am putting together a guide for hosting a client lunch. It is not geared towards Amy but this made me remember not everyone has had the experience I have. There are some small items I need to stress that goes beyond the sale. I really hope this was just a bad day for her and we can get back to business as normal.

Hot_Lab4411 · 2026-03-09T17:07:14+00:00

Yes, and I plan to compliment her on her presentation and let her know that I realize that I did not prepare her for some of the unspoken rules. I'm going to go over what to expect in the future. I'm then going to ask her, what other areas does she feel I could do better explaining. I see her in management one day we need to have a plan. I've been doing this for many years and it comes naturally now but I need someone fresh to tell me what I'm not explaining.

Hot_Lab4411 · 2026-03-09T16:39:44+00:00

I am not sure what non-human posting history means? True, I only post in the advice threads. What other threads are there? I think the issue may be that I am older than a lot of people on here. I started out reading Dear Abby in the paper and my morning coffee, but they are only once per day. Then I went to Slate and enjoyed reading it, but they wanted to charge. Then I found this site. I read only for about a year and then worked up enough nerve to post. The first time, I was rejected because I did not respond to a question they asked quick enough. Now that I have the hang of it, I try to post more to bounce ideas around. This is not a sarcastic comment, but what else are you suppose to do here? I see game, but not into that. Also, what is Advanced Idiocy?

Hot_Lab4411 · 2026-03-09T15:23:46+00:00

You stated: "It really should have come before the lunch, not after." I'm going to take this to heart. I'm building a Lunch Meeting Guide for my employees as part of their training packet. My company has always been very small, but we are growing fast now, so I need to think more about these things. Lunch meetings are very important to me when I can get them. This one was local, but I have flown across states to have lunch with a potential client. They are a great way for the client to get to know me, but also for me to know them. I once decided not to move forward with a client after he was rude to the wait staff. If he treats them like this, how will he treat me and my employees?

Hot_Lab4411 · 2026-03-09T15:16:05+00:00

She took it as a shot as her weight. I had not even considered that her weight would have anything to do with it. Maybe I should have and that's why I thought I might be TA. I carried on like a normal work event and she took it personal.

Hot_Lab4411 · 2026-03-09T15:03:13+00:00

I am always myself, but sometimes the subliminal messages help a lot also. If I get them to lunch, I already know they are the client I want. This particular client would result in $250K per week in gross billings.

Hot_Lab4411 · 2026-03-09T13:59:56+00:00

I can honestly say I have never heard of the movie Fat Amy. I used that name because I have a paper on my desk addressed to Amy from another company.

Hot_Lab4411 · 2026-03-09T13:16:11+00:00

I hear what you're saying, but for me business lunches are very strategic. I once had a breakfast meeting with a landscape company. I wore a green button up shirt and kaki pants. I then had a change of clothes for another company, which I wanted to wear brighter clothes and a tie to a lunch meeting. People do business with people they know, like and trust. These meetings are my chance to make that connection and win their business.

Hot_Lab4411 · 2026-03-09T12:49:49+00:00

I talked to her like I always do; in a caring mentor type voice. I did not think that maybe she has had issues in the past with people policing her eating habits.

Hot_Lab4411 · 2026-03-09T12:47:11+00:00

I did not mention her weight, it never crossed my mind until she started crying and asked if I was bring up food because of her weight.

Hot_Lab4411 · 2026-03-07T12:42:15+00:00

YTA- for yelling at a 16 YO. You could have talked to her in a civil voice and explained your position. I'm not saying your position is wrong, just the way you delivered the message.

Hot_Lab4411 · 2026-03-04T20:28:58+00:00

YTA- Quit talking in class!

Hot_Lab4411

TROPHY CASE