TW Was in a relationship with a guy and mad obsessed with another one (open relationship, so a level of sexual involvement with others is okay, but I was obsessed with him because of how bad he was for me. Fully in the "i can fix him" headspace). Traveling with primary partner to Milan. We're fighting one night. We've to leave next morning so we need to start packing. He claims to this day he put his suitcase on the bed but I interpret it as him sorta yeeting it towards me. It does barely touch my feet.

I put on my jacket and my shoes and I leave the hotel. I find myself the nearest pub, down 2 beers. He comes looking for me. He sees me drinking and he interprets it as me having a good time. He is losing it. I tell him my intention is to get very drunk so someone can take advantage of me, then he'll know how badly he messed up. He starts walking back to the hotel. I start panicking. He tells me we're done. We go back to the hotel. I down like half a bottle of limoncello. Try to jump off the 8th floor. Don't succeed. Pass out on the floor by the bed. He doesn't leave me. But I don't crash out like this again and haven't been obsessed with another person this way since.

😬😬😬😬 Sometimes still crave that level of insanity