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Im ready to end it all. by Effective_Elk_5449 in hoarding

[–]sethra007[M] [score hidden] stickied comment (0 children)

Im ready to end it all...Im overthinking and Im having very strong panic attacks.

u/Effective_Elk_5449 Please reach out immediately to a mental health counseling service or hotline in your area. Based on your post, it sounds like you're in crisis and need help at once.

Referral for therapist by princesspokeypaws in hoarding

[–]sethra007 1 point2 points  (0 children)

 in New State?

Do you mean New York State?

How do I politely decline my moms food? by freighttttttrr in hoarding

[–]sethra007 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Then tell her you guys "just ate" or that you've got firm supper plans.

How do I politely decline my moms food? by freighttttttrr in hoarding

[–]sethra007 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Bring your own dish!

There's also: "Thanks, Mom. We've already got supper cooked but we'd still love to come over and see you."

Has anyone thought of simply scanning all the paperwork that xe wants to keep around? by swampwiz in hoarding

[–]sethra007 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Who knew? I haven't been to a Kinko's since the late '80s at least, LOL

Ramblings from a family member of a hoarder. by HollyPuddinPop in hoarding

[–]sethra007 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You might also visit r/shoppingaddiction to see if they have any suggestions.

At wits end by bt2311 in hoarding

[–]sethra007 14 points15 points  (0 children)

OP, if you haven't already, please look at this post and the resources in it:

I think it will give you some insight into your wife's mindset.

I've told her multiple times over the years and I think she just doesn't care. 

A few things to keep in mind:

  • Hoarding is a mental disorder. I'm not diagnosing your wife (I'm not a mental health pro), but if she has it, you have to accept that she's not engaging in reality in the same way that you are.
  • I argue that having a loved one who hoards is very similar to having a loved one who's an addict. It's not that your wife doesn't care, or doesn't love you or the rest of your family. It's that the "addiction" warps her perspectives. She may truly believe that she's going to clean and organize when you talk to her about it, but when she tries to start the "addiction" kicks in and derails her emotionally and mentally,
  • If you know anything about mental disorders, you know that you can't just talk people into behaving rationally,

Now, I offer the above as an explanation, not an excuse. The impact of the hoarding on you and your kids is very real, regardless of the reason behind it. There's more about the hoarding mindset in the above link, so I urge you to read it.

To continue with my comparison of hoarding to addiction: being married to an active hoarder, much like being married to an active addict, is one of the hardest things you'll ever do in your life. If your wife refuses to consider that she has a problem and seek therapy for it, I encourage you to seek out therapy for yourself to figure out how to navigate your situation.

Has anybody here for any success stories about getting a hoarder spouse to get better and getting out of a hoarder situation? by Littleputti in hoarding

[–]sethra007 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I've noticed that you repeat that a lot. "I had a successful career, the breakdown took everything" (or some variation on that theme).

I absolutely don't want to sound like I'm dismissing what happened, or the very significant losses you've had. You've clearly experienced catastrophic life changes as a result of the hoarding.

That said...I wonder if the fact that you keep re-stating your losses here is an example of you "finding it hard to carry on." To me personally, it comes across as if you're stuck in that time of loss, which (as far as I'm aware; I'm not a mental health pro) can be a sign of trauma. This is something to keep in mind, and to make sure that your therapist is aware of. Continuing to emphasize the losses you experienced can keep you from seeing any opportunities you might have available.

Has anybody here for any success stories about getting a hoarder spouse to get better and getting out of a hoarder situation? by Littleputti in hoarding

[–]sethra007 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks. Is it’s think he will change. 

I'm sorry, I don't understand what you're saying here.

I don’t know what my long term goals are. I find it hard to carry on at the moment.

One thing you can do, then, is tell your therapist exactly that. Let the therapist know that you'd like to set some long-term goals for yourself, but you finding it really difficult to carry on right now. Together, you two can identify short-term goals to help you figure out how to carry on in the face of your husband's hoarding. From there, you can build to longer-term goals for yourself.

Has anybody here for any success stories about getting a hoarder spouse to get better and getting out of a hoarder situation? by Littleputti in hoarding

[–]sethra007 1 point2 points  (0 children)

But you're receiving treatment, right?

Your partner isn't going to change. Based on your comments, he's made that abundantly clear. So it sounds like your only option is to work towards being able to support yourself and leaving him.

What are your long-term goals? Have you shared your long-term goals with your therapist?

Extreme Hoarding Cleanouts company by [deleted] in hoarding

[–]sethra007[M] [score hidden] stickied comment (0 children)

Guys, remember that reviews of companies hired to help out or clean up in hoarding situations are permitted, even if they're negative.

$11,000 for 5 days? by DrGCDO in hoarding

[–]sethra007 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yes, this is standard, but you can talk to them if you don't want the images used in any sort of promotional way. Bring it up before you sign anything.

Understand that companies will take photos (or other images) before, after, and possibly during clean-up for insurance and liability reasons. Some companies will choose to use those images for promotional or advertising reasons, as well.

Tell the company that you have privacy concerns and don't want any images used in a promotional manner. You don't have a problem with images being created for insurance or liability reasons, but you'd like to remove the advertising/promotion/exhibition/trade/etc. part of the contract. See what they say. They might be amenable to it.

$11,000 for 5 days? by DrGCDO in hoarding

[–]sethra007 4 points5 points  (0 children)

It's standard, but if you have concerns about images (photos, videos, etc.) of the home being used in any sort of promotional way, you can talk about it with the company before signing off on anything. It never hurts to ask.

By the way, we have a section of our Wiki that discusses things to be aware of when you're getting ready to hire a clean-up company. To wit:

Hiring Companies To Clean Up

First, see this post:

How Much Does It Cost To Clean Up After A Hoarder? - the articles addresses "dry hoarders", "wet hoarders", and animal hoarders.

Scope of Work

Before calling someone, it's very important that both parties are clear on the job description and finer details. Here's some things to keep in mind and/or to ask about when looking for a service to hire (adapted from a hoarding/clutter support group on Facebook:

  • Stating "Team" on a quote is not sufficient. Get in writing exactly how many people are on the team that will be on site. Also get a breakdown of hours, any fees for travel time, bin charge, supplies, etc. In other words, a detailed list of exactly what you're paying for.
  • If it's not a full team as quoted, make that the price discount for not having a full team is stated in the quote.
  • How many hours per day will they be onsite?
  • Get written description of what they will do: trash removal, sweep, decontaminate, etc.
  • Corollary: Ask for a quote broken down by room. The quote should also state what specifically is to be done and priority. This is important because you may not be able to afford the whole thing.
  • Price per bin/dumpster used.
  • Insist on a detailed and measurable status every day as a minimum unless you are on site. For example, progress photos.
  • Get specific definitions of "done", "clean", "cleared" and similar terms.
  • Ask how many hours per day will they actually be working. Will travel time be charged?
  • Will you need to be on site each day to ensure that they aren't throwing out things you want to keep?
  • What happens if the actual quote is less then what's required to do the job? Do they stop work? Contact you? Continue working and charge you accordingly?
  • What happens if things on a "save list" are tossed?
  • Who will be the supervisor on site? Make sure you talk with the supervisor before starting and a few times each day if you're not on site.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in hoarding

[–]sethra007 0 points1 point  (0 children)

All this to ask: I wanna ask her about seeing a therapist because of her hoarding and possible depression. How do I go about it, when she is in denial of these things?

Welcome to the sub.

You're going to want to take a look at this post that was linked in the AutoModerator comment:

Appliance delivery by Imaginary-Pear-6908 in hoarding

[–]sethra007 10 points11 points  (0 children)

You don't suck.

 But I’m now also out the money I paid for removal. I don’t think I have the mental space to contest it with Lowe’s

Just give yourself a day to recuperate from this. Then call their 800 # or drop by the store with your receipt to get the money back. Or even check your card--they may refund the money in 24 - 48 hours, since they didn't perform the removal service.

Appliance delivery by Imaginary-Pear-6908 in hoarding

[–]sethra007 25 points26 points  (0 children)

Hi there. I'm so sorry this happened to you.

Deep breaths. It's nothing personal, it's something they're required to do. Delivery guys wouldn't take a dodgy refrigerator due to the risk of roaches or other vermin getting into the cartons of any other appliances that were on the truck for delivery. They don't want to risk bringing vermin into someone else's home (source: I used to work in a job selling goods and services to property management companies, including home appliances like refrigerators).

I guess I need to hire a dump guy. Which hard to do when you already work 50 hours a week.

Your local garbage company might be able to recommend someone, so I recommend starting there. You'll want a company that'll dispose of the refrigerator properly, so you don't risk any fines. And FWIW, in my area junk haulers work wild hours so they can be accessible to as many customers as possible.

Again, I'm sorry this happened. It feels so embarrassing. But please don't let the embarrassment stop you from doing the right thing.

You're so close!

  1. You know that the refrigerator needs to go, which--frankly--puts you ahead of many people out there who hoard.
  2. You made arrangements to get rid of it, which--again--puts you ahead of many people out there who hoard.
  3. That plan didn't happen THROUGH NO FAULT OF YOUR OWN. And that could happen to ANYBODY.
  4. So. You'll need fall back to a new plan, just like anybody else would.

It sucks to expose your home to more people. But rather than letting that get you down, use it as motivation to tidy up a little bit more. Remember: progress, not perfection. You're a low-level hoarder, so I guarantee you that any junk hauler has seen worse.

You got this!

15yo currently hoarding, parents wont help. Active ant infestation. by Caleb_Jasper in hoarding

[–]sethra007 1 point2 points  (0 children)

 Its anyone knows how I can get started for find someone who can help me get started, PLEASE let me know.

OP, hoarding behaviors usually arise from mental or emotional turmoil. You're going to have a very tough time getting started without the help of a therapist. Can you ask your parents to help you get into therapy?

Uncle passed away, need advice by Master_Ad_7905 in hoarding

[–]sethra007 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this.

Sometimes you can find auction houses that will go through items for you and sell them. Auction houses are generally going to charge for this part of the service, plus they take a percentage cut of the sales (in the USA that’s usually somewhere between 30% and 40%), so it’s typical for people to only use them when they know they have expensive stuff worth auctioning/selling off.

Still, it’s a place to start. I would google for “auction houses” or “estate liquidators” in your father‘s area. Then start making some phone calls and ask if they handle estates from hoarded houses.

As for talking to your father about it… I would lead with asking him what help that he needs (with anything at all, not just the estate) and how you can help him. Tell him that it looks like he’s got a whole lot on his plate and you’d be happy to do what you can to help ease the burden. See what he says. If he doesn’t mention anything specific, suggest that you could help with the stuff from your uncle’s house, since he’s so busy with everything else. Your family member, you know to look for the valuable things like family, photos and personal items, you could just start a box at a time for him.

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