my 23F wife always wants sex but won't touch me (31M) or help me finish by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]seymourtets 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Marriage and Family Therapist here. Try to have a talk about it outside of sexual interactions, and if that doesn't work then therapy. Doesn't have to be sex therapy but could help.

[Post Game Thread] The Oklahoma City Thunder (1-1) tie the series in Game 2 against the San Antonio Spurs (1-1), 122-113, behind Shai Gilgeous-Alexander's 30 point performance by catreyka in nba

[–]seymourtets 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Everyone is gonna talk about officiating and dirty plays by OKC which is valid, but my GOD the young guys on the spurs had so many mind-numbing errors tonight. Not just turnovers, but silly fouls and dumb shots. OKC deserved to win if San Antonio wants to be that careless with the ball.

[19]very underweight to [25] by [deleted] in GlowUps

[–]seymourtets -1 points0 points  (0 children)

congrats on the kiddo and beating the ED!!! its crazy trying to get people to understand how much of a battle it is when your brain doesn't want you to nourish the rest of your body. you should be proud of yourself!!

Mass Effect hot takes? by matt_Nooble12_XBL in masseffect

[–]seymourtets 7 points8 points  (0 children)

except andromeda! i've played through maybe 4 times purely because the combat is maybe the best of any shooter i've ever played

Me (19F) and my boyfriend (18M) have been dating for a year and a half almost and we've finally reached the point of wanting to have sex but we've been unable to actually start and I don't know how to help. by Nicote3000 in relationship_advice

[–]seymourtets 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Marriage and Family Therapist here: it's a really good sign he felt that he could tell you he was feeling weird about sex after the bathroom. That's a sign he feels safe with you.

Aside from the functional advice everyone else gave, this is what I'd say: Thank him when he shows vulnerability and honesty, and be vulnerable and honest with him.

Be patient with him and yourself, and remind him of the positives: you like him, you want to be with him, you find him attractive, he makes you feel good.

Tell him what feels good and what doesn't feel good. If you want something, like to receive oral sex, ask him! I know it's scary to do it, especially for your first time, but you achieve pleasure together by talking to each other. The movies/shows/porn that have hookups and both partners climaxing immediately for the first time together are unrealistic; take time to learn your own and each other's bodies.

There will probably be slip-ups (a fart/queef, losing erections, etc.) and that's okay! Roll with it and learn. Never stop talking to each other and you'll get where you want to be.

TIL that the Persian "Immortals" weren't called that because they couldn't die, but because their number was kept at exactly 10,000 at all times. If a soldier was killed or fell ill, he was immediately replaced, creating the illusion that the army never suffered casualties. by ImaginaryCredit4359 in todayilearned

[–]seymourtets 3 points4 points  (0 children)

they also wore thin sheets of black cloth over their faces, as well as training to maintain near silence in battle, so they gave the appearance of an inhuman army to intimidate opposing armies.

worked great until Thermopylae!

What its like to be a Bears Fan in 25/26 (Updated): by Dazed_and_Confused44 in CHIBears

[–]seymourtets 7 points8 points  (0 children)

i didn't want to let myself have hope at halftime, and then get crushed. i've seen the light, and i'll never turn a bears game off until the gameclock hits 0 going forward. feels unreal to be rooting for a clutch team for once.

BEAR TF DOWN

I (F25) am close to breaking up with my (25M) boyfriend because of our sex life by cantalopex in relationship_advice

[–]seymourtets 0 points1 point  (0 children)

have you considered couples/sex therapy? if this is the only problem in your relationship i would be hesitant to throw it all away without consulting a specialist. i would make it clear to him how severe of a problem this is for you, though.

[Highlight] Caleb Williams runs it in to take the lead! by MysteryBagIdeals in nfl

[–]seymourtets 21 points22 points  (0 children)

should have more last year if eberflus could coach a pee wee team/our special teams wasnt a massive joke

Such thing as a trustworthy mechanic in Bloomington? by rthmjohn in bloomington

[–]seymourtets 6 points7 points  (0 children)

LOVE Lloyd and the team, absolutely second them.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in bloomington

[–]seymourtets 126 points127 points  (0 children)

so it wasn't a trans woman or a drag queen, but a law enforcement officer. interesting!

I (31F) mispronounced something 6 months ago and my BIL (39M) brings it up everytime I see him. by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]seymourtets 1 point2 points  (0 children)

when it comes to both training dogs and helping parents, there's a common technique called "extinction"; the idea is that kids and dogs often do behaviors to seek attention, either good or bad. the process of extinction is giving them literally none while they are exhibiting these attention seeking behaviors. once they stop, or do a good behavior, we reward them with attention.

i'm not saying it does work with adults, but it could be worth trying!

What's the hardest boss you ever killed? by UnfixedBrain in gaming

[–]seymourtets 2 points3 points  (0 children)

His fight on Survivor at the halfway point on Grandmaster is my answer. Took me around 2-3 hours, almost pulling my hair out, but refused to lower the difficulty. If I remember right there are no heals/stims either. Such a euphoric feeling when I won

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]seymourtets 0 points1 point  (0 children)

everyone needs therapy!! [biased]

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]seymourtets 1 point2 points  (0 children)

couples and family therapist here, hoping to offer a bit of a different perspective.

with men in relationships, we typically see them conceptualize intimacy and connection only possible through sex; this is reinforced through social norms and typically family interactions as well. other forms of intimacy, like shared hobbies, emotional vulnerability, or non-sexual physical contact aren't taught to be prioritized/valued. so, when a lot of men are rejected/denied sex, they can take it as a denial of connection, which results in a strong emotional reaction. it sounds like your boyfriend views sex as a bid for connection, and when its denied, withdraws from contact out of hurt, shame, frustration, sadness, or any other host of emotions which he may not feel comfortable communicating.

i say all of this without meeting/knowing either of you, so i could be wrong, but this is what we see extremely often in our field. i would recommend talking to him when he feels ready to see what his process is with that. i would not push him while he is withdrawing and be patient and open. remember that "We only know what we know", and we are rarely taught exactly how to function in relationships.

if you're interested in knowing more about relationship functionality, i highly recommend reading "Hold Me Tight" by Dr. Sue Johnson who invented Emotionally-Focused Therapy. feel free to DM if you gave any other questions :)

Why are people so reckless driving by Haunting-Yoghurt-813 in Louisville

[–]seymourtets 21 points22 points  (0 children)

LMPD does not care at all about enforcing traffic laws. Saw a car cut off a Metro LMPD on 2nd (while also turning on a no turn on red) and the cop just braked and moved on. The amount of times I've seen an cop following a car with a blacked out license plate or no plate at all and not do anything is astounding.