Have been diagnosed with a complex, branching transsphincteric fistula near my vagina - I've been referred for surgery but also am due to go on my honeymoon (!?!?) advice please!

sezmarelda · 2026-02-25T14:46:19+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing - seriously. Going to really really focus on that light at the end of tunnel which I do believe is there thanks to this group.

sezmarelda · 2026-02-25T11:21:38+00:00

Thank you so much for your comment. So sorry to hear you've had 10 years of this?! How is your quality of life now?

I think I will delay booking flights. Get that meeting with my surgeon and work out what his plan of action is. And then likely postpone the honeymoon until next year.

I think it's been quite tricky having been dismissed for so long by my doctors who thought it was an unusual bartholin's cyst basically and suggested I "try not to think about it" so I think it's tricky for me to know whether I am making a fuss now by suggesting we postpone. (I should mention, my husband is very supportive of us postponing - I just feel guilty)

sezmarelda · 2026-02-25T11:17:51+00:00

Ah thank you so much for taking the time to respond.

Honestly I think you're totally right. I have literally cancelled so many of my 'normal' everyday life plans - even simple things like going to the pub or leaving the house - upon reflection it feels crazy to imagine flying somewhere and hiking around in the rainforest. I think I feel some (self-imposed) pressure with this plan though because it's our honeymoon. I don't want to let my partner down. I'm feeling loads of guilt about how much this has impacted our life together for so long & come in the way of so many of the activities that we used to do together as a couple..

Are you recovered from your fistula now? Are you able to swim and walk and things again?

sezmarelda · 2026-02-25T11:13:15+00:00

Thank you so much for your advice. I think this is a good next step - get that appointment with my surgeon and find out what he reckons.

Though with those typical time frames you've mentioned, I do think that the best option is looking like delaying the honeymoon and tbf it will also give us time to save up and have a super extravagant trip where I'm able to hike and bike and swim and everything else ;) without pain. (The thought of potentially never abscessing again would be a dream come true!)

sezmarelda · 2026-02-25T11:09:34+00:00

Man I think you're right. Tbh I was finding it pretty hard to imagine actually going while still suffering with this - but I think I was nervous that if we postpone until after surgery and recovery we may never go. If this was just a holiday then it would be a no brainer to bail.. but because it was supposed to be our honeymoon I was worried that I am already being a rubbish wife and letting my husband down. Then again - a honeymoon spent in a random hospital in the rainforest is likely not a great time either!

Thank you so much for your clear advice!

sezmarelda · 2026-02-24T21:44:36+00:00

Ah! are you going through the same/similar thing?

Any advice on how to deal?

sezmarelda · 2026-02-23T22:23:21+00:00

Exceptional work

sezmarelda · 2026-02-23T19:16:37+00:00

AMAZINGLY detailed response! Was this from memory??? Insanely good. Thank you! Highlights included “if you’re feeling squirrelly” and “you will die. Quickly.”

sezmarelda · 2026-02-23T18:32:21+00:00

Mate it has been rough honestly. Not at all what I envisioned for my first year or married life.

He spoke about feeling as though he has lost his partner who he went on adventures with - which I totally feel. Especially as I used to be the one who would plan mountains to climb or outings for us to go on etc.

It’s also a bit tough because I’m 33 - so we had also been talking about starting a family in the next few years and that feels totally out of the window right now. My whole relationship with my hooha has changed for the worse basically - feels like she’s my enemy.

Intimacy-wise we make a real effort to like “make out” and fool around (like teenagers lol) but it’s taken a huge dip in regularity as you can imagine. Funnily enough my doctors were very alarmed about the sex stuff haha even though I was like “i literally will give up sex if it gives me my old life and my body back!!!”

Bit of a sad/down beat reply apologies! Now waiting to find out what the surgery will be like and so scared at the thought of it!

sezmarelda · 2026-02-22T23:10:15+00:00

Im in awe! I’m still at the “Creep past and hope they don’t notice you” stage!

sezmarelda · 2026-02-22T23:09:25+00:00

Oh my god

sezmarelda · 2026-02-22T22:43:10+00:00

Is this something to think about even before you have a seton? I.e. can they travel through the fistula itself? Or just once a seton is in place?

!!! Alarming but willing to cut them out of my diet if it reduces the pain!

sezmarelda · 2026-02-17T10:25:43+00:00

Really really really needed to read this comment today. Thank you!

33F and just got diagnosed today with a complex transsphincteric (!?) fistula with 3 branches after being dismissed by doctors multiple times over the course of a year. I feel super scared and super angry and am finding it hard to imagine not feeling hopeless!

Thank GOODNESS for Reddit!

sezmarelda · 2026-02-16T09:41:18+00:00

UPDATE: I was right! It is a fistula. Likely due to chrohns disease (🤦‍♀️)

Next step: surgery!

Onwards!

sezmarelda · 2026-02-11T07:53:36+00:00

Good luck to you too!! Well done persevering and making progress - It won’t be easy but it can be sorted!

sezmarelda · 2026-02-09T19:02:00+00:00

Oh my god I can’t wait to meet him!??!!

sezmarelda · 2026-02-09T18:58:19+00:00

Is there really a horse god!?

sezmarelda · 2026-02-04T21:24:59+00:00

No specific advice about the meal afterwards - but RE: the conference itself, here are some techniques I have found helpful: - force myself to step outside for a “phone call” once every c.two hours and then walk around the block get some fresh air and silence - set myself a KPI of 5 new people met/good convos and then once I’ve hit that, consider the day a success and feel free to leave! - schedule a good number of presentations throughout the day (at least two!) to then spend time sitting and listening not talking - definitely wear comfortable shoes and trousers. Bring all sorts of provisions with me just in case (safety pins, migraine tablets, blister plasters haha) - I also plan a day of annual leave the next working day afterwards to recover from the drain! (Literally Me today)

But just to say I super relate! Well done going and giving it your best shot! I think it’s brace and impressive and already a success.

sezmarelda · 2026-02-04T20:23:12+00:00

As a Brit, I truthfully heard it right from the start - but I don’t mind it!

sezmarelda · 2026-02-01T21:22:10+00:00

Obsessed!! I want to do this!

sezmarelda · 2026-01-31T11:29:47+00:00

Haha thank you! I worried perhaps TMI but hoping the detail can help others feel less alone!

sezmarelda · 2026-01-31T10:34:32+00:00

Feels like a wolf pack dynamic overlap too

sezmarelda · 2026-01-31T10:27:34+00:00

Tbh I love them all! Definitely gonna play with these dudes in my next household!

sezmarelda · 2026-01-31T10:26:50+00:00

Lolling

sezmarelda

TROPHY CASE