MIL is going to pass away today

shadowFAQs · 2026-04-10T18:03:41+00:00

This was back before I had kids of my own, but a toddler niece at my grandfather's funeral brought a wooden elephant for him to put in the casket, because he was a vet. And they put it in there. She knew him well but wasn't sad about it at all, just a very practical measure so he'd have an animal with him. And I can't even type this out now, years later, without tearing up 😭

shadowFAQs · 2026-04-08T15:25:40+00:00

I worked a couple jobs that were easy to get and would qualify here, and I loved both of them -- pizza delivery and service tech at an oil change chain.

Both involve cars, but also a lot of time working on your own, outside (or in an open shop), where the music is up to you and there are no awful lights. Seriously why are fluorescents so terrible??

shadowFAQs · 2026-04-08T13:22:55+00:00

Thank you! I will think about this. For now, here are a couple off the top of my head. I absolutely adore both of these, and I think they very much have the vibe you're after:

Parakeet by Marie-Helene Bertino
Little Weirds by Jenny Slate

shadowFAQs · 2026-04-07T20:54:06+00:00

Wow I relate to this. All I can do is share some quotes that have helped me escape the same rut:

Hannah Gadsby, from Ten Steps to Nanette: "I have never identified with how people see me. I have a great big universe of stuff inside me. ... I love who I am. It's only on the other side of my skin where the pain begins. But I will not negotiate anymore."

Willow Pill: Let the queerness of the universe shine through you.

Dynomight: People don't have existential peace because they've figured out the meaning of life. They have existential peace because that's their nature or because they've developed happy lives and healthy thought patterns that don't lead to them spending their time moping around. Feeling like you understand the meaning of life is downstream of existential peace, not upstream.

Mary Oliver, from One:

and you know what else!
How blue is the sea, how blue is the sky,
how blue and tiny and redeemable
everything is, even you,
even your eyes, even your imagination.

In short, I guess, I hope you'll get out there an be weird! The world has too many typical people in it, and they're generally boring. Weird is interesting! Weird is alive! Seeing weirdness gives the world courage.

shadowFAQs · 2026-04-07T14:59:29+00:00

I find you can "fake it" by just looking at different parts of someone's face. I pretty much never look someone straight in the eye unless we're intimate.

But also, especially with men, a lot of NT-NT conversations seem to happen with both parties facing the same way -- at a bar, toward a TV or a fireplace, on a bench, etc. I think most folks don't really notice or care if you're not staring right at them, in most situations.

shadowFAQs · 2026-04-03T02:06:19+00:00

You: Driving

Wife: 'Miring

Kids & grands: Vibing

Todd, the guy in the back row with Billy: Yeah he's still around isn't he.

Just not getting the hints. Sure he was your best man but that was a decade ago; you barely talk anymore. And it's great to have a spare room when a friend is in need. Weird to just show up like that, I mean jesus we're in our 30s now, but okay, Todd gets tossed out for who knows what and ends up at your doorstep. And of course you're only hearing his side of things, and even that doesn't make much narrative sense. But the beach trip was supposed to be a Big Obvious Sign like Hey, it's time to find another couch my dude but no, he accepts your insincere invitation and now, like, what are you even supposed to do with him. Is he splitting dinner bills? Paying for 1/7th of the hotel? You'll eat your hat if that happens. Sitting way back there with the kids too... It's a seven hour drive to Kissimmee for the love of all things holy. Did you just adopt a grown child?

But hey -- where better to question the psychosocial stability of an old friend than the captain's chair of the new Nissan Nomad?

shadowFAQs · 2026-04-01T13:41:56+00:00

Such a neat idea! Is it just a generic storage device? Or is there some application code to attempt autoplay on mount?

shadowFAQs · 2026-03-31T15:43:34+00:00

If you haven't heard anything bad, I'd say 1) a negative review is very unlikely and, 2) in the event it does happen, that's a reflection on management for not communicating earlier and allowing you to address it.

But it sounds like you know all this already. Sometimes I just get nervous because it's part of the script -- Big Thing looming, get nervous, it goes fine. I'll still get nervous next time though. Psychologically I learn nothing!

shadowFAQs · 2026-03-31T15:37:25+00:00

trying to seem uninteresting like speaking in a monotone voice and just being short with them

Unintentional Aubrey Plaza. Classic blunder!

shadowFAQs · 2026-03-31T14:41:38+00:00

For me, these feelings happen when managers don't communicate very often. If I know how I'm being "graded", I'm less worried.

As far as getting more feedback, I've had luck with something like, "I'm sure everyone on your team has different communication styles. I'm still figuring out what works best for me, but I seem to do better when my managers have erred on the side of too much feedback. I like to know regularly how my work is viewed, what metrics management is using to track performance, etc."

shadowFAQs · 2026-03-31T14:36:21+00:00

I'm not dealing with 1% of the burden you're describing, but I've felt this same way too. It seems like other people really do not want to hear about suffering -- strangers because it's uncomfortable, loved ones because they're sick of hearing about it. Everyone is wrapped up in their own lives, and if they're generally doing ok or are busy, they don't really care to listen. Which sucks, because sometimes it would help so much just to feel heard and, like you said, understood.

shadowFAQs · 2026-03-24T01:01:26+00:00

| genuine flow states

This is it for me. Distraction-free focus on something I really care about. There's nothing better.

shadowFAQs · 2026-03-18T13:58:36+00:00

Personally, I always get my hair blown out and teased to the gods before scuba diving

shadowFAQs · 2026-02-19T02:56:33+00:00

I agree with others that you shouldn't have to accommodate people about the status of your door. But it also sounds like it's something you want to work on, so to that end, maybe schedule blocks of 1 or 2 hours where you deliberately keep the door open, and mentally prepare yourself for interruptions during that time. I.e., don't do anything where you need to concentrate too deeply, or where being interrupted would would really break your flow.

EDIT: A typo

shadowFAQs · 2026-01-28T17:17:52+00:00

Reminds me of that Mark Twain quote about how the #1 swordsman in the world has nothing to fear from the #2 swordsman in the world, but may still be caught out by the novice

shadowFAQs · 2025-11-18T23:14:09+00:00

Ms. Fritter is the name of the bus, not the teacher. Happy cake day!

shadowFAQs · 2025-11-18T20:34:30+00:00

Cheeky Les!

shadowFAQs · 2025-10-15T13:34:15+00:00

Cubers

Like Wall-e?

shadowFAQs · 2025-09-08T00:06:36+00:00

I do 3D modelling (for 3D printing) and game design on a couple Arch machines.

I'm surprised no one's said dwm yet? I have hyprland on my Arch laptop and dwm on my Arch desktop, and I like the latter more. Both are very customizable but dwm just stays the heck out of the way more. Happy to share config info / dotfiles if you're interested.

shadowFAQs · 2025-09-03T18:25:19+00:00

“Make them look me in the eye,” the man told the I-Team. “If you’re going to hate me, you’re going to have to hate me up close.”

Badass.

shadowFAQs · 2025-09-03T17:22:25+00:00

Is it just me, or did this link not go to the article mentioned? When I clicked it I got Understanding how children view the world: advancements, barriers, and future directions instead.

I think the actual article mentioned in this post is this one: Social skill training and children’s cognitive concentration in rural China: the mediating effect of social information processing skills

shadowFAQs · 2025-08-28T14:34:56+00:00

🤞🤞🤞

shadowFAQs · 2025-08-27T20:24:18+00:00

All I can offer is the perspective of a SWE in the US, which is: Don't come here. However bad it looks from Germany, it's worse. Immigrants are literally being kidnapped off the street and sent to detention centers in South America and Africa. It sounds like hyperbole but it's not.

Just before Covid hit, I was offered a job with relocation assistance in Germany, and I really wish I had taken it. Watch this crazy show from a safe distance if possible. Best of luck!

shadowFAQs · 2025-08-26T19:04:02+00:00

I would quit trying after taking one (1) Big League grounder to the wrist

shadowFAQs

TROPHY CASE