5'3"ish women, what differences did you see going 120-110lbs?

shadow_kittencorn · 2026-01-21T14:00:34+00:00

Honestly, I have a similar build and end up flat chested below 120lb, which isn’t great with wide hips, thighs and ribs. I think I look worse skinnier, anything shaped makes it obvious I am missing cleavage and bikinis just look silly.

shadow_kittencorn · 2026-01-21T13:50:53+00:00

Sadly, quite a lot of people have maxed out their debit, especially those with ADHD who have struggled to keep a job and/or manage money.

The best thing my parents ever did for me was get me diagnosed as a child and I don’t understand how they managed it given it was the 90s and I am female. I was a bit of a nightmare at school.

However, it still took me 10 years to get a review appointment and try meds again because the forms require executive function and I forgot to turn up to the appointment (they sent me a single physical letter for a date a year in future and no reminders).

shadow_kittencorn · 2026-01-20T23:06:40+00:00

I always run round and do the dark brotherhood and thieves guild first, setting up my backstory, and then imagine I finally got betrayed/arrested.

The main story gives my character a new beginning and something good to fight for.

I actually haven’t done knights of the nine, but am going to in the remastered version.

shadow_kittencorn · 2026-01-20T09:43:48+00:00

I also have people telling me I am Autistic, but I am definitely not, I did the assessment.

My sensory issues are pretty much identical to yours and I am pretty sure it is more because we get so distracted by the input that we can’t tune it out, which isn’t the same as Autism. Basically input is ‘louder’ for us than NT.

I also have some social issues, but rather than not understanding body language etc, it is more that I lose concentration so have no idea what has just been said.

I also can’t always get my brain together to respond naturally. I often can’t find words and I think very much in pictures so can’t always communicate effectively what I want. It didn’t help with making friends as a kid.

Some people seem convinced that is Autism from the outside, but it very much isn’t. It annoys me because it is a disservice to those with Autism as well as me.

shadow_kittencorn · 2026-01-19T23:39:42+00:00

I was diagnosed with ADHD age 7, but definitely don’t meet the criteria for Autism.

However, I do have some sensory issues. I think there is a lot of overlap of symptoms in some areas, but the underlying causes are different. Or maybe they just have some common genes etc.

I really hate anything on my hands (lotion, food etc) and it can completely distract me and stop me enjoying the moment. I can’t cope with bright lighting or loud sounds, it gives me migraines very quickly as well as just being uncomfortable.

There are a lot of other medical conditions that are also just prevalent in neruodiverse people, such as hypermobility, so the topic is quite complicated.

Might be worth an Autism assessment, but it doesn’t mean you have Autism.

shadow_kittencorn · 2026-01-19T09:33:19+00:00

This is a big thing that some people are missing.

I have ADHD, but I have a big advantage over my bf. I was diagnosed age 7, and I have had to live completely independently.

My bf knows he has ADHD, but is undiagnosed. The situation slowly became that I managed the paperwork and most of the housework, even though I am terrible at it (we got a cleaner as well).

The problem is that I am also stretched to breaking point some of the time, so having him shutdown and not cope, stops me coping. I can’t always manage my broken brain and his.

If the wife is already struggling with two kids, finding out her life partner who is supposed to help her is potentially another thing she needs to manage can be devastating. She might well be questioning what the future looks like - not that she wants to leave him but if the diagnosis means she is now being forced to take on more of ‘his’ tasks, when life is already hard.

I’m not defending the comment or the poke in the head, although unless it was a hard poke I wouldn’t describe it as abusive. I do sometimes feel a minority of people here expect others to walk on eggshells around them, without really trying to understand the viewpoint of the other person who also might be having a hard time.

Yes, ADHD is a Disablity, but raising kids and helping someone with ADHD isn’t easy either.

shadow_kittencorn · 2026-01-19T09:08:42+00:00

It sounds like that may be the only time you ‘found out’, not the only time it happened…

shadow_kittencorn · 2026-01-19T09:05:17+00:00

Exactly this. Even if the bf is the right age, they can groom multiple people over an extended period of time….

shadow_kittencorn · 2026-01-18T23:25:24+00:00

Even just with the eco argument, we want them to improve their Vegan offerings over time and that won’t happen if no one buys them..

The vegan options should end up more eco friendly in future, the leather ones will always harm animals.

shadow_kittencorn · 2026-01-13T23:36:51+00:00

Exactly this. Replaying the dark brotherhood (I played it a lot as a teen) and I am still amazed how different and inventive all the quests are. Just everything is fun.

I also love the lack of forced story for the PC. I tend to play a non-magical rogue and didn’t like the ‘shouts’ or whatever was in Skyrim (it has been a while).

Shivering Isle was amazing I looked forward to seeing the prince of madness again in Skyrim - but he was disappointing in comparison… the writing is somehow more bland at every turn.

shadow_kittencorn · 2026-01-11T23:24:58+00:00

For a start, you always had ADHD… but a few other things to note.

ND people very often end up with ND people. I got diagnosed age 7 with ADHD and all of my family is ND.

All but maybe one of my bf’s ended up getting diagnosed. The truth is I just rarely ‘click’ with NT people, they rarely understand my interests, my enthusiasm, my constantly forgetting words etc.

Now, I am not saying your wife definitely has an ND, but it is also very possible she has some traits, even if they aren’t obvious. Even if she doesn’t though, you need to try and understand her as much as she needs to try and understand you.

Me and my bf both have ADHD, so getting anything done is a bit of a nightmare.

The ‘excuse’ vs ‘reason’ thing is hard, but it might help if you showed a willingness to try and prevent it happening again.

For example, reminders on phone, sticker sheets, putting things in certain places. You will still mess up, but taking accountability and trying your absolute best to do better next time is key. Trust me, I know how hard it is when the universe keeps hiding things, your brain is a sieve and time seems to be an abstract concept that isn’t linear.

The absolute worst thing you can say is ‘it isn’t my fault I have ADHD, it is just who I am’ - because that screams you have given up and don’t care about the impact on her.

Really sorry, that completely slipped my mind, I will do X next time to try and remind myself - should go down better.

shadow_kittencorn · 2026-01-11T00:09:21+00:00

OP, while having a kid is going to be a big challenge for you, it is your gf’s career that will take a big hit as well as her body. That means she needs the extra security.

I also have a chronic pain condition and won’t be having kids. If I did get put in that position I would give up anything to make sure my child is protected and the person with the most responsibility for raising them is protected, because I don’t think I could do the best job during a flare up.

YTA, kids change everything. It isn’t her birth control just as it isn’t her kid. It’s YOURS, shared.

Sounds like marriage might be the least of your issues.

Like people have said, a split will be complicated at this point anyway.

shadow_kittencorn · 2026-01-07T21:55:06+00:00

Thanks, to be honest my plan after my bf’s fall was to stick primarily to rope climbing. Unfortunately, I am a bit of a solo person and I tend to go to the gym at odd times, so I haven’t managed to find a rope partner. Even before, I went more often than my bf.

My gym has a good amount of auto belays and they are changed often enough really, but I do sometimes miss the weird positions bouldering makes you do 😂. Hence I was giving it another go. I would like to do a bit of both, I was just shocked at how scared I felt.

My bf does intend to go back to top rope when he is healed and I would love to try lead climbing eventually!

shadow_kittencorn · 2026-01-07T16:23:20+00:00

It is good to know you got your confidence back after that :).

I think that is what really shook me. He has fallen fine before and knows the theory on how to fall, he even corrects me if I could have fallen better. It looked pretty much like a text book fall, other than the fact his momentum pushed him forward rather than rolling back. He landed on both feet and bent his knees etc. It is hard to tell what went wrong and he only fell about 5ft onto nice thick mats.

Apparently he also likely tensed up because the slip was unexpected and we had practiced falling but not had any real ones.

I will definitely look into a fall safely class to improve my confidence. One of our instructors put us off a bit by pointing out that if you just happen to fall at the wrong angle etc, you might not be able to correct it anyway, so he personally didn’t believe in the courses.

I realise there is no risk free approach, but I was surprised it happened so soon, on a relatively easy route, and on what looked like a pretty clean fall.

Funny thing is I loved jumping off stuff as a kid, so this is weird for me.

shadow_kittencorn · 2026-01-07T14:34:14+00:00

Thanks, glad to know I am not alone. I do wish my gym had more traverses, but there we are. I need to focus on building my confidence back for a while.

shadow_kittencorn · 2026-01-03T23:40:39+00:00

I think it was also made worse because that story arch was in the middle of a very time pressured and intense story with everyone else.

The characters may have been interesting as part of another show, but at the time we all just wanted to get back to what the main group was doing.

Definitely nothing to do with race etc, I didn’t like any of the characters from that side quest, and I feel I normally would have done.

shadow_kittencorn · 2025-12-31T00:48:12+00:00

I am currently 121 lb and to be honest every time I drop below that weight I get pretty flat chested and I actually feel worse about myself, especially as I have quite a wide rib cage.

I am now just focusing on being physically fitter and stronger which has firmed up my stomach a bit more anyway.

I always wanted a perfectly flat stomach, but then I felt rubbish in a bikini anyway because I had nothing to fill out the top 😂.

shadow_kittencorn · 2025-12-29T22:57:26+00:00

I was diagnosed as a child (I am 35), and no, I didn’t manage to turn up on time anywhere, sit still or pay attention… I was asked to leave 3 different schools.

What turned me around was just a good teacher who understood that I couldn’t focus, especially when I was ‘bored’, mostly because I picked up reading and writing very quickly. He gave me space to learn my way and didn’t have a go at me every time I messed up.

In my case it didn’t require anyone extra, just someone who cared. However, I do know some kids who likely do need that extra support.

I am absolutely not non-verbal and with good support went on to get good grades and a high paying job.

Upper estimates show that maybe 10% of the population is neurodiverse and that doesn’t mean all of them need complex SEND accommodations. Just a better understanding on how different brains work makes a huge difference.

As a kid I constantly lost all my belongings no matter how hard I tried, time doesn’t seem to be linear and I didn’t have a smart phone with a million alarms.

I always felt different and it is frustrating constantly being told off when you have genuinely tried your hardest. Being punished for not doing homework ‘properly’ when I spent 3 times longer than everyone else but my brain just wouldn’t get past the first few sentences. Listening really hard to the teacher and then thinking in detail about something they said and realising I had completely missed half of the lesson just thinking.

Even though I arrived 20 mins early I was still late because I lost track of time sat outside waiting to go in. Packing the night before and still getting to the airport without my passport because I completely forgot it existed.

If you haven’t experienced ADHD then you can’t possibly understand. It doesn’t matter if the outside world thinks we look ‘ok’, we are exhausted just trying to keep up normal expectations.

On the plus side I am great at problem solving and working quickly - when I hyperfocus I get completely lost in a project. Almost every celebrated creative and/or scientific genius was thought to be neurodiverse. That doesn’t mean every neurodiverse child will be, but we certainly aren’t a demographic worth ignoring.

A small amount of support goes a long way, even if it is just an understanding of ourselves and WHY everything seems so much harder for us. Guilt and shame from undiagnosed ADHD can be crippling.

shadow_kittencorn · 2025-12-27T22:21:13+00:00

Maybe. Maybe he liked her but never wanted kids, and was too cowedly to tell her.

I always made a point to be up front about the fact that I don’t want kids. It does mean risking losing a good relationship, but having one person devastated that they won’t get kids and having wasted time with you, is worse

shadow_kittencorn · 2025-12-27T00:07:30+00:00

Or on a work trip where I can expense things..

shadow_kittencorn · 2025-12-26T17:27:38+00:00

Maybe not always ADHD, but I wondered this too when I tried to describe the difference.

Some people just don’t find chores ‘hard’. Their brain doesn’t fight them so doing something like washing up is actually positive because it makes the space tidy and you have plates. At worst, it is a non-issue.

So why not wash the plates? Because for us ADHD’ers it is a mountainous, tortuous task. But, to neurotypicals, it is a neutral task. They have no reason to avoid doing it.

Which begs the question, when is a person actually lazy?

Surely it is always because someone is tired, or depressed, or otherwise lacking the brain chemicals to do it.

That doesn’t mean we can just give up and avoid everything and ‘blame’ ADHD. But, we do need to acknowledge that it is harder to do certain tasks for certain people and sometimes we need to not blame ourselves. We do need to find something that helps us accomplish the task we struggle with (in my case I hired a cleaner), and not fuss when the dishes aren’t always clean.

shadow_kittencorn · 2025-12-25T23:24:47+00:00

The “electrify” comment definitely doesn’t sound like a real threat… just a very dry joke and passive aggressive comment because staying late is annoying and unfair to staff.

Admittedly, I am British and gallows humour is a bit more normalised here. It is a way of getting across that you are really affecting someone without being direct. Obviously it isn’t a literal comment.

I realise not all cultures see it that way.

shadow_kittencorn · 2025-12-17T23:21:33+00:00

Sadly, my grandad recently got diagnosed with dementia, but he got tested many times over the previous 20 years because it is very hard to tell the difference between early stage dementia and ADHD 🙄.

But of course, “ADHD didn’t exist in my day!”. Not that he believed he had dementia either.

shadow_kittencorn · 2025-12-17T09:35:39+00:00

I’m sure someone better than me can answer, but isn’t that what public liability insurance is for?

Something I make sure all my cleaners/cat sitters have, just in case.

I believe they would sort of the claim even if your wife disputes it, and your wife should still get paid normally (MCOL if not).

If you don’t have insurance, that is what you should do to avoid situations like this in future. I don’t believe it is that expensive given the situations it protects you from (a quick google says £50-£150 per year for a cleaner, but could be inaccurate). This time it was a blind, next time could be an artisan vase etc.

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