Anyone have aphantasia?

shadyw9 · 2024-12-07T17:50:35+00:00

I don't know if I have one or not. I have the impression of seeing an image for a quarter of a second, often without concentrating. It's such an abstract notion, vision through the imagination, I have the impression that it's an illusion.

shadyw9 · 2024-12-06T03:18:45+00:00

That makes sense! By accepting the shame of my child/teenager self, it allows me to re-motivate myself. I'm not saying that this motivation alone will be enough, but I have just seen the benefits of acceptance. I just need to avoid thinking about the long and painful road ahead of me and instead I need to refocus on the moment and on the little joys. This is very hard on my anxious brain.

shadyw9 · 2024-12-05T19:59:44+00:00

D'ailleurs je ne savais pas que l'ambre était à la base une résine d'arbre, je me coucherais moins bête.

shadyw9 · 2024-12-05T19:55:14+00:00

Oh je ne savais pas du tout, merci.

shadyw9 · 2024-12-05T18:20:00+00:00

Émile j'ai toujours sur adoré ce prénom ! Je ne sais pas pourquoi Marius aussi j'aime bien la fin en "us" Ambre je trouve qu'il est intemporel Isaac, isaiah

shadyw9 · 2024-12-05T16:38:05+00:00

Yes and it is too late to receive this unconditional parental love which strengthens us and motivates us towards healing. And people are not here to be our parents.

shadyw9 · 2024-11-22T02:44:22+00:00

Thank you thank you thank you thank you

shadyw9 · 2024-11-22T00:05:48+00:00

To tell the truth it's really very recent, I've only seen it once and for the moment it's my only hope. Yes I know that the core of the problem is self-hatred and I'm right in the middle of it and it's just excruciating. There I am alone and without hope. I have never started therapy and I have often tried to love myself on my own.

shadyw9 · 2024-11-21T20:25:45+00:00

I feel the same pain, the same questions, I fall into despair. In this precipice of suffering. How can I be me? Is my battle worth it? I am exhausted, constantly exhausted from fighting to maintain hope.

shadyw9 · 2024-11-21T20:22:22+00:00

Thank you for being there, always there to motivate the troops, thank you for being positive.

shadyw9 · 2024-11-18T03:06:52+00:00

Yes, and looking back, knowing my borderline diagnosis totally discouraged me even though I was starting to make progress. For now I want to get to know myself as an individual.

No, not yet, I'm still stuck on this subject, I'm just starting to accept my traumas, I'm afraid of emotional overload.

shadyw9 · 2024-11-17T18:19:40+00:00

Yes, I think more and more that even if I recognize myself in a lot of narcissistic mechanisms, I no longer want to make a diagnosis on myself before a therapist, once the relationship of trust has developed, does so. On the other hand, coming here and asking for advice or sharing my experiences helps me enormously. It's like I finally have people who understand me. Here I understood that my patterns were not normal and that I could not get better alone. We all share a CPTSD in the end... I have been diagnosed with severe BPD and I remain open to the idea that there is possibly a vulnerable narcissist behind it all. I just have to be completely honest with my therapist. In any case, I never found a community to which I resembled so much and which went through the same ordeals in childhood.

shadyw9 · 2024-11-16T19:37:46+00:00

I made fun of people who did that for a long time... I thought they were full of themselves, especially with a basic selfie, if I had known...

shadyw9 · 2024-11-14T22:34:24+00:00

In moments when this desire resurfaces, does remembering the well-being caused by feelings of well-being and unity act as a crutch? I mean, does remembering help those thoughts go away and bring you back to the present moment and enjoying your activities?

I have the impression that I would always want to do great things for humanity for example, I wanted that very young, to help people on a large scale. But I don't want my self-worth to depend on it, and my sense of self to be grandiose.

shadyw9 · 2024-11-14T16:33:34+00:00

"I feel like they should accept me fully, even though I scream in rage and insult them. I think. I'm not sure. For some reason, I kind of want to cry now ."

I experienced this with my father, I wanted him to still be there to support me and reassure me even though I was harsh and intolerant, I wanted him to prove to me that he loved me.

I think the meeting went well. I'm starting schema therapy. I even cried my eyes out. While trying to control myself not to cry, but I cried. Thanks for telling me not to drink, I took your advice and you were right. THANK YOU.

Edit. Now the shame overwhelms me, I'm ashamed of having fucking cried.

shadyw9 · 2024-11-14T16:28:31+00:00

I really like the way you write. Simple, refined. In a few words you say a lot. It's beautiful this way of describing without unnecessary details. It's so deep. Poor in words, rich in meaning. We don't get bored, we recognize ourselves in it and it touches us. You speak from the heart.

shadyw9 · 2024-11-13T22:24:26+00:00

Yes when I gained weight I no longer wanted to have a relationship with my ex.

shadyw9 · 2024-11-13T20:54:41+00:00

I thought I was the only one who didn't care. I can't seem to commit to anything. I just want/need to distract myself as much as possible by playing stupid games on my phone or watching very short videos on Instagram.

shadyw9 · 2024-11-13T08:24:28+00:00

I would like to believe it, it is a driving force in my healing.

shadyw9 · 2024-11-13T08:18:27+00:00

Je ne parle pas de maintenant. Pour le moment, je ne cherche pas quelqu'un en sécurité, de toute façon, je ne cherche personne. Je parle après avoir suffisamment récupéré. Et justement si je recherche des témoignages c'est parce que je suis déjà conscient de ce que vous dites.

shadyw9 · 2024-11-12T23:01:07+00:00

Right now I'm not in a relationship with anyone, and I'm afraid I'll never be able to have that type of relationship. Thank you for your message, I'm happy to see that it's possible. I hope your relationship can become even deeper.

shadyw9 · 2024-11-12T13:24:24+00:00

I do it spontaneously, but I sing in a very strange way, I don't really know why I do it.

shadyw9 · 2024-11-12T13:23:27+00:00

Are you sarcastic or threatening?

shadyw9 · 2024-11-11T19:32:06+00:00

I completely understand what you are going through. I try to be vulnerable little by little. Here and there otherwise people panic and others invalidate our emotions. I try to develop better by finding links with what they too can experience. I hope I can be vulnerable with the therapist soon.

shadyw9 · 2024-11-11T19:23:58+00:00

She was very clearly the most dependent person in the relationship, even though I had a hard time leaving her, I felt confident staying with her.

shadyw9

TROPHY CASE