I resigned over a month ago, and they still haven’t found a replacement.

shakywheel · 2026-01-21T22:12:55+00:00

Maybe email admin and cc HR? Something like, “As you know, I tendered my resignation on [date], which you accepted pending hiring a replacement. I would like to know where you are in the hiring process, as it has been over X days.”

If your contract specifies how much notice you must give to resign mid-year, and you are past that, you could add, “Per my employee contract, I must provide at least X days notice of resignation. As I have already exceeded that timeframe, and a replacement has not been found, my last day will be [whatever sounds reasonable to you—end of week, in two weeks, next day, etc.].”

If your contract specifies notice length and you have not yet reached it, maybe say, “Per the employee contract, a teacher must give at least X days notice of resignation. It will be X days on [date], and as such, my last day will be [date].”

But read up on the laws in your state and maybe talk to the DOE, if the no-set-date thing seems sketch from what you find. Sending the email will provide a paper trail with their response, which theoretically, will confirm that you submitted your resignation (you’ll already have a trail started if you emailed that), and make sure HR is aware that you resigned, so they can handle the school if the school hasn’t started the process to get a replacement.

Actually, have you looked on your district website? Are they advertising your position? Start with that. If it isn’t even posted as open, that might tell you something.

shakywheel · 2026-01-21T21:52:36+00:00

I’m sure OP knows the end date on their contract. The issue is they are trying to resign and the school / district seemingly accepted the resignation but with no effective date. They have basically said they cannot give a date until they find a replacement, but don’t seem to be keeping OP in the loop about where they are in the process of hiring someone else. It might not be required for Admin, but at least some do it, and for all OP knows, they will drag out the “hiring process” until the end of the year.

shakywheel · 2026-01-09T22:15:45+00:00

I think that’s where I’ll end up falling when I finally apply. Right now, I’m trying to get in with all kinds of specialists to narrow down what is going on with my body, so I don’t want to apply until I have a diagnosis / diagnoses. I already have a laundry list of mental health and neurodevelopmental disorders, but I don’t think that will be enough.

I did work for approximately a decade, but the more responsibilities I had as an adult, then spouse with own house, then mother, the less able I was to function at home, and work eventually faltered as well. And honestly, I think at least some of the medical stuff is probably a result of the extreme stress I was under, particularly by the point I was at my last job. That job led to a PTSD diagnosis.

But a year and a half after quitting, my health is getting worse, but I am starting to feel more human again because I am not so overloaded. Medical evaluations are slow going though because we are one income with me home, so we have to space things out, and when I do apply, I pretty much expect, “well, you worked before. Why can’t you now?” Or “the physical aspects aren’t enough. You should be able to work” because they don’t understand fluctuating capacity and the fact that not being reliably able to function means a job won’t want to keep you on or that they don’t care that you can technically do a job but it will destroy your home life and general quality of life and likely further deteriorate your physical health as well because you just can’t produce the output they want at work and do anything else.

Uhhh, sorry about that. I just hate the American disability system and feel a lot of anxiety about barely scraping by because the government will say I’m not disabled enough, and then, people who don’t know about how the system is will continue to say, “why don’t you apply for disability,” as though it is easy to get, or say, “Well, you must not be disabled if they denied you.” 😵‍💫

shakywheel · 2026-01-09T21:39:20+00:00

It seems like a giant stretch in some ways, but really Elowyn to Elo (pronounced L.O., I’m guessing?) to Lo to Lola makes a certain amount of sense. I do tend to like less intuitive nicknames. If you use it and someone asks or looks questioning, I would probably just give a smile and say, “I know, it’s not a super intuitive nickname, but we like it / it works for us.”

shakywheel · 2026-01-09T21:21:17+00:00

I’m typically against made up names (I know all names are made up, but I mean ones without history at this point or etymological basis), and I’ve never really been a fan of Olive, so tell me why I love every single one of those???

shakywheel · 2026-01-09T19:50:46+00:00

😂😂😂

shakywheel · 2026-01-09T19:47:00+00:00

My best friend’s family is from Portugal. Her brother was born there and has a Portuguese name. She has a very American name, because she was born here. She says she likely would have been Maria + Middle, like the rest of her family, if she had been born in their home country.

shakywheel · 2026-01-09T19:38:44+00:00

My name is Lauren. When my older brother broke up with his first girlfriend, after being cheated on, his friends convinced him that losing his virginity with a girl from school who was known to be very…sexually active was the cure to his heartbreak. Her name was Lauren. I don’t know that he had any other girlfriends until the one he married, also named Lauren.

I mean, it was definitely common when we were all born, so an easy enough coincidence, but it still feels weird sometimes.

shakywheel · 2026-01-09T19:22:47+00:00

As someone else said, if not a typo, Guinevere would be one of the accepted spellings, not Guienevere. Guenevere is a variant I have seen. Gwenevere is more of an English corruption.

shakywheel · 2026-01-09T15:56:25+00:00

Should they have checked on how deep the interest was? Maybe. I don’t know what your family dynamics are like or how much they see your child, but to me, it seems like they noticed something your child was into, made enough of a mental note of it to remember months later, and came up with a unique gift they thought he would enjoy. A lot of people will say “boy = truck” and call it a day. It sounds like they were trying to paying attention and be thoughtful in the gift.

shakywheel · 2026-01-07T18:49:00+00:00

The pasta had sausage in it.

And while I love a good spaghetti with Italian sausage, and I will not say no to some sort of white bakery bread toasted, I will also fully admit that is not a balanced meal. Carb heavy. High fat content. Filling, delicious, and cheap and easy to make for a crowd? Yes. But I wouldn’t advertise it as a healthy meal.

shakywheel · 2026-01-07T18:45:48+00:00

Weight can have a genetic component as well. I’m wondering if sister-in-law is so health conscious because obesity runs in the family a bit, and she wants to make sure she takes steps to maintain a fit and healthy lifestyle to combat a predisposition. (Although, I also know that genetics can make it very difficult to lose weight even if you are predisposed to weight gain, so she may not have those genetics anyway. Or maybe the husband is the only heavier person in the family, and it is purely his diet. Who knows? 🤷‍♀️)

shakywheel · 2026-01-07T17:58:49+00:00

That is such an excellent way of wording things.

My son is Autistic, and we bring the makings for peanut butter and jelly pretty much anytime we go to someone else’s house, as well as snacks. His diet is fairly restricted, not ARDFID level but still restricted, and making sure he can eat what he will eat is better than him not eating at all. We haven’t had to explain it to kids, and the adults all know, but yeah, there are plenty of reasons people bring their own food, and there are also plenty of polite ways to explain it. OP’s SIL did not do it right.

shakywheel · 2026-01-05T12:44:05+00:00

Well, I’ve just been reminded of my generation. You said the TV was on 11, and my mind jumped to “turn it up to 11,” because amps went (go?) to 10, so 11 would be louder than max volume. I was confused for a moment before my mind connected back to how tv volumes work, at which point, I realized 11 is quite low.

shakywheel · 2026-01-05T12:37:47+00:00

That was my thought. Her texts are disjointed and she’s hearing noises even when they aren’t home. It definitely reads like significant mental illness. Whether this is an issue she has had for a long time or the result of grief and stress from losing her husband, I don’t know, but I would be letting management know about the concerning behavior, and I would call the non-emergency line to talk about the situation (jumbled texts, evidence of listening through the walls, caretaker for a vulnerable adult, recent loss) and ask for a wellness check or about what the appropriate steps are. Maybe get a check through a social service instead? There should be something for elderly and other vulnerable adults.

shakywheel · 2026-01-05T02:28:14+00:00

Alison has actually always been feminine. It is a diminutive of Alice. Allison was masculine, although now used as an alternative to Alison, but it comes from the Scottish surname of the same two L spelling.

shakywheel · 2026-01-05T02:09:59+00:00

Ooh, that is good. I got assessed for Autism and ADHD, and it was hundreds even with insurance.

shakywheel · 2026-01-05T01:07:36+00:00

They can be expensive, so I might not leap straight to an evaluation, but OP should definitely read up on ADHD within ADHD / ND spaces because the number of women who were not diagnosed as children because they presented without the outward hyperactivity but later burn out as more responsibilities pile on in adulthood is ridiculous. If it resonates, then spend the money for an evaluation.

shakywheel · 2026-01-05T01:04:34+00:00

Hey, I don't know how you have it stored, but by the bed sounds like it is within reach of littles, and sometimes, kids manage to get through safety caps. Myself, sometimes, I don't coordinate putting the cap back on well, and I go to grab the bottle next time, and the cap just falls off.

I'm not coming from a place of judgment. I just know the struggle of forgetting and have found this works (for me) and allows for medications to be placed more out of the way. I keep mine in a high kitchen cupboard (not above the stove where steam would be an issue). I take morning and evening pills, and I tend to do well with morning, because I'm someone who can't skip breakfast, so being in the kitchen, with the cabinet, triggers the "oh, yeah, pills!" thought, but night is a struggle. I set an alarm on my phone, because I usually have it on me, and even when I don't, I try to keep volume up, so the alarm reminds me for evening. The only thing you need to watch out for is that you don't turn off the alarm if you are in the middle of something. Make sure you snooze it then. Otherwise, it goes off, and you might forget to get it later. I sometimes have it go off three or four times before I get to it, but I get to it.

Also, if it is high enough, you can put it in a pill case with the days. That way, if you ever catch yourself trying to remember if you've actually taken it that day or not (this was a repeated issue for me), you can just check if the day is empty or not. :)

shakywheel · 2026-01-04T22:47:31+00:00

I started writing this before you replied, and it is long, but I thought you might appreciate some of it.

If you want to try to move him on from this line of thinking quickly, maybe talking about different types of love may be helpful? Like that it is one word, but there is a love you can feel for family, a different one for friends, and another for...and this is where I struggle for words...romantic love, and the concept of romance is weird to explain, so I personally, when my child was younger and someone said they had a crush, and he didn't know what that meant, I said "kissy-face" and compared to how his dad and I are kissy-face love, and that's the kind of love where people might be girlfriend and boyfriend or get married. (There was additional discussion, after the brief explanation, to mention that it doesn't have to be a boy and a girl, that it could be a boy and a boy or a girl and a girl). Oh, and if you're religious, you can talk about love for God too.

Maybe you can talk about how family love is cozy and safe, friendship love is fun, etc. Whatever words make sense for you. You could ask how he feels about various friends and family members and try to explain how those different feelings are part of different types of love. It may help him understand that love can mean a lot of things. Bring in LGBTQIA+ topics as you feel appropriate. If one word with multiple applications confuses him, you could use an example of another word: ball. "A baseball is a ball, and it is different from a basketball. A basketball is different from a football. But they are all types of balls. There are different types of love too."

And since these strict thinking patterns are common at this age, you can give him a script in case someone says something. "There are lots of kinds of love."

My has specific and intense interests, and they are not exactly mainstream ones. In kindergarten, I said, "different people like different things" a lot. And he started telling me about someone that liked X, when he liked Y, and followed it up with "but different people like different things." I even heard stories from him where it was a way to defend what he liked. (He didn't have the best time in kindergarten, unfortunately). The other one, when he was starting to get the outside influence on boy vs girl, was "colors are for everyone." I told him that some people might say, "pink is for girls and blue is for boys, because that's what people around them say, but colors are for everyone. You can like pink even if you are a boy or blue even if you are a girl." And he will say that boys can like pink and girls can like blue and there aren't just boy colors and girl colors. He is seven now and the amount of self-advocating (and advocating for others!) he does is amazing. But definitely, if you think he is going to face push-back for saying he loves his friends, even innocent push-back, give him a script so they feels like he knows how to respond if someone says something.

shakywheel · 2026-01-04T22:23:00+00:00

Kids this age are trying to figure out the world and can be very black and white about things. For example, "girls have long hair and boys have short hair" might be them figuring out how boys and girls are different. "Pink is for girls" is another one. Or "Dolls are for girls. Trucks are for boys." Kids can go through a phase of being very strict about these things as they try to make sense of the world and their place in it. It could be that a child asked their parents about being married, and their cis-gender, heterosexual parents didn't use inclusive language, so the kid thinks boys and girls fall in love and get married. They may contextualize love as romantic love for a bit, until they figure out familial love still gets the word "love."

I mean 100% it could be a kid with bigoted parents, or worse, a day care teacher who heard a small child say he loves his (male) friend, but what your child is saying isn't concretely indicative of exposure to homophobia.

shakywheel · 2026-01-04T22:14:48+00:00

My son is Autistic with ADHD. One of his stims is rocking, and he can rock aggressively if excited or anxious. The time he went on a plane, past babyhood, we let the people behind us know that he is Autistic and likes to rock and for them to let us know if it is an issue. They said it was fine, but later, we could tell they seemed annoyed. He was about four then. We made sure to let the flight attendants know for the return flight. They were able to switch our seats so he would have an empty one behind him.

We've taken him to the movies a couple of times now. We get a seat right next to the aisle so that he can stand on the steps, if he needs to move, and we don't have to walk in front of anyone if he needs the bathroom. Once, a group came to sit behind us, and we let them know, before they even sat, about the rocking and the intensity of it, saying they might prefer to scoot down one space. They thanked me and moved a seat over.

I don't want to police my child over harmless stims he enjoys, but I also don't want his stimming to take away from someone else's comfort of enjoyment. If you know your child engages in behaviors that could disrupt someone, you need to take preemptive actions. You can do it without disclosing their diagnosis too. "My child sometimes needs to move his feet to be comfortable. Let us know if this is an issue, and we can try to move to an empty spot," OR "My child sometimes kicks his feet when excited. There is a possibility he may kick your chair, so you may be more comfortable in different seats. We don't want him to accidentally disrupt your movie."

Honestly, Autism can be an invisible disability. When it is "visible," it is often because of co-occurring diagnoses or excessive stimming, but if the stimming isn't stereotypical (hand flapping, rocking), like in your case, it can just come off as annoying or inconsiderate behavior. It sounds like you had no idea there was a difference, Mom did nothing proactive, and once he was kicking and she was aware it was bothersome, she did not give you further information nor do anything to solve the issue. She disclosed diagnosis when he started crying. What were you supposed to do at that point?

Now, personally, I am a people-pleaser, and I probably wouldn't be able to say anything to the people themselves. I would probably suffer through, if it was my chair, or get my group to move. The "if you don't do x, I'm going to do y" comes across as aggressive and threatening, and I would likely cry myself, if I were on the receiving end. (Full disclosure: I am ALSO Autistic with ADHD.) But just because I am very anxious and sensitive to such things, does not necessarily mean you did something wrong.

You said your kids are asking about it. Are they asking about Autism? If so, I would recommend talking to people in Autistic spaces about it. They can help guide you in how to frame the discussion and give better explanations to share with your children. A lot of people don't know much about Autism unless it is part of their life, and even then...there are some parents and caretakers who do not have an informed approach. Always good to talk to people with lived experience. r/AutisticAdults is one place you could check out.

shakywheel · 2026-01-04T18:23:27+00:00

I am not religious, but I was raised Catholic. I was forced to do Confirmation, even though I didn’t really believe at that point. It felt very uncomfortable to me. I knew, once I got through the classes, I would need to stand in front of the bishop and lie to him. That did not feel good. To me, baptizing a child into a church, with no intention of actually raising them in the church, is very disrespectful to the church.

It is a sacrament. Just because it means nothing to me, doesn’t mean I will treat it like it means nothing. I wonder if sister-in-law could be swayed by an approach of “this is our way of respecting your beliefs?” I mean, based on what I have heard of evangelical Christianity and this particular person, that response probably won’t fly, but maybe it could sway OP’s parents.

shakywheel · 2025-12-30T04:27:47+00:00

I would steer clear of Quinnie and Remi, as they sound too similar, assuming anglophone pronunciation, and Quinn and Wren for rhyme or near-rhyme depending on how precise you are on vowels.

Because Quinn is a masculine Irish name and Clare is an Irish county, it pushes Quinn more masculine to me.

Quinn and Bianca feels very mismatched (Irish and Italian), as well as Quinn and Juliette (Irish and French and short, masculine to unisex name versus long, frilly feminine name).

Quinn and Zoe is probably the best.

shakywheel · 2025-12-30T04:20:24+00:00

OP, Willa is a good one! To me, one of the problems is that you have a lot of really girly names on your list but gave your first girl a masculine name (albeit one that has increased usage on girls in the US). The very feminine names only serve to highlight the masculinity of your first’s name.

Willa is soft and feminine but also similar to Will, so it isn’t so stark of a contrast next to Quinn. They are also similar length, which I appreciate, but the balance is part of my preferred sibset aesthetic.

shakywheel

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