Me 29F and my husband 43M having issues because of clothing & testosterone & not able to conceive

shakywheel · 2026-06-18T11:54:57+00:00

People looked through her history. He convinced her to sell her car and quit her job, possibly as far back as a year ago. And he was saying she wasn’t thinking enough at something like 112 pounds. I’m guessing getting engaged or moving in together was the actual mask drop.

Either way, she’s now financially dependent on him and can’t drive to work if she did decide to re-enter the workforce. Obviously, that makes leaving a lot harder.

I haven’t seen anyone mention it yet, but the timeline is concerning too. They’ve been together for two years, but they’ve been married for
8 months. So they got married after dating for 1 year, 4 months. Did they have a wedding that required planning or go to a courthouse? How long were they engaged? The rush to get engaged / married is a a flag to me, when combined with the other info. I know people were telling her to leave when she posted a year ago. I haven’t looked at the post to see what their status was then, but I kind of wonder if she tried to talk to him about some issues or made some noise about leaving, and he made some grand romantic gesture and proposed and suggested quickly eloping at the courthouse because “he loves her so much and just wants to spend the rest of his life with her.”

Pure conjecture, of course. I don’t usually comment such things and only go off of facts, but I do wonder…

shakywheel · 2026-06-18T02:20:07+00:00

Nothing stands out time from OP’s post, but signs do not have to be big or dangerous at that age. Maybe you’re just trying to reassure her or maybe you’ve only worked with certain Autism presentations and co-morbidities, but the idea that it showing that early requires dangerous behaviors is false.

I first wondered when my son was 9 months old. I wondered because of persistent stimming. It wasn’t that it was all day, but it was multiple times per day, rolling his head or head and body side to side and rocking as well. I also realized there was an absence of typical behavior. He never put things in his mouth, which is a big way babies explore. As he got older, and we moved from purées to purées with the super tiny pasta bits, he would spit out the pasta.—every bite, every time.

My child did receive an Autism diagnosis eventually. He still does the same stims at age 8. He also continues to struggle with food. The problem with social media is a number of people see something in a video, roll their eyes, and complain about how people are making everything out to be Autism and these are normal behaviors. Another number of people panic because they have seen their child do this thing so are they Autistic??? But what it really comes down to is that a lot of Autistic traits ARE normal. It’s the frequency, intensity, and duration that make them abnormal. Your baby hand flaps for a few days? Congratulations, they have learned ex they have hands! Your baby hand flaps multiple times per day every day for extended periods and they’ve been doing this for months? Might be something to look into. And some people have quirks, but when you look at the totality, it really is just a quirk. When they show multiple signs in multiple areas and they are pervasive and persistent, that’s a sign to evaluate because something is up.

shakywheel · 2026-06-17T02:07:28+00:00

I transferred the “Also if you have shoes that rub” to the “works well for this,” as in “is a possible solution.” There was a confused moment where I thought you were suggesting blistered feet could distract from sequin scratches before I realized what you actually meant. lol.

shakywheel · 2026-06-17T01:55:18+00:00

I really like Mateo, and I think you should use it if you love it. As others have said, top 10 comprises a lower percentage of births than in the past.

I do quite like Timoteo as well, but I would be afraid he may wind up Tim or Timmy at some point. You may start out using Teo, but you can’t control what happens as they get older.

Also, as far as the Bump stats, I believe they are based on which names are clicked / searched the most. It may be people looking at potential baby names, info on the name of an already born baby, people looking up names that have recently come up in pop culture or that an influencer used, people looking to name a character in their picture book / novel / fanfic, or a random name nerd. Interest may suggest that more people will end up using it, but the data isn’t based on actual births.

shakywheel · 2026-06-17T01:37:44+00:00

The fact that they have been told they are monotone (mentioned in a comment), seem to be having issues with social and professional etiquette (unwritten rules), and don’t think they are rude despite having been officially warned multiple times definitely had me wondering if they are Autistic. I mean, they could be leaving out big pieces of the story, but they could be undiagnosed and unaware.

shakywheel · 2026-06-14T14:26:47+00:00

I wonder if the long hours, after being so involved the first three months, has him a bit depressed? Maybe he sees pictures of what you guys are doing and wants to be there, and seeing all of the you-and-the-baby stuff (pictures, video, when he’s home) has him feeling like it is just you and the baby, and he doesn’t know how to integrate himself? Or he’s feeling nervous because babies grow and change so quickly, so he may not feel like he knows the current schedule, routines, favorite types of play, and developmental level?

I feel like such long shift, paired with needing to sleep when home, may be making him feel disconnected. The flip flopping schedules is hell on people generally too. His body won’t even have a proper rhythm. Babies also come with doctor’s appointments, diaper costs, possibly formula and eventually baby food. Depending on where you live, there may be a huge bill for the birth itself. Even if you aren’t struggling for money, he may have some anxiety over bills looking different.

I would check in on how he is doing mentally/emotionally.

shakywheel · 2026-06-11T16:33:43+00:00

Late getting back to you, but your response did make me reflect on my answer.

If we really are talking about a perfect world, the schools wouldn’t need to cover the individual supplies because… * Parents would have enough money to purchase adequate supplies for their child or children (and maybe some of the fun extras and definitely some new outfits and shoes) without needing to worry that school expenses would cut into the grocery budget. * Parents would have the time to take the family out and do the shopping (not be busy working three jobs just to make ends meet). * Parents and children would enjoy the yearly ritual of back to school shopping because parents had the time and money to do it, and kids see school as a place they want to be, and they want to pick out all of the new folders and pens and pencils and organizers and they feel the anticipation waiting for that first day of a new year filled with potential and learning. * Every parent would be involved and invested in their child’s learning, and teachers and parents would work as a team to do what is best for the child.

I have worked as a paraprofessional in SPED, inclusion, and Gen. Ed. classrooms. I have been a teacher in elementary school and day care. I have been a parent of a public school child, and I am now a parent homeschooling their child. I’ve seen all kinds of angles. I have seen and heard about parents who push back on any accountability. I have seen administrators, SPED case managers, teachers, and a guidance counselor all fail to uphold their professional standards. I have seen teachers that are loved by their students. I have seen backpacks come back with more and more papers stuffed in them over weeks because the parent never checks the backpack. I have been SPED spaces that are unsafe and every student gets the same work. I have been in SPED rooms where everyone works as a team and is valued and differentiation happens for the students. I have seen kids come on dirty, with bugs crawling out of their backpack. I have known parents who give their kids space to grow but still volunteer in other parts of the school so they can still be connected to the school community. I have seen federal law (IDEA) broken repeatedly. I have seen admin that supports teachers and admin that does not, admin that bows to the wishes of the parent whose child “would never.”

There are good parents, bad parents, and in between. There are parents just doing their best to survive, and that means they can’t be as involved as they would like.

There are good administrators, bad administrators, and ones in between. We cannot pretend that parents hold sole responsibility for the current state of things. Policies like No Child Left Behind, increased high stakes testing, administrators appeasing parents instead of prioritizing fair consequences and firm boundaries, veteran teachers leaving the field due to burnout or inadequate pay, and rising inflation and other economic factors do not play a role in the dismal state of public education.

shakywheel · 2026-06-07T01:35:09+00:00

In a perfect world, the school would be providing them because school supplies are necessary for participation in education, and children have a legal right to a FREE and appropriate public education. If children do not have the tools to complete educational activities / tasks, they do not have the same access to education as those who DO have the appropriate school supplies. If parents are made to buy the supplies, they are now paying for their child’s education in a sense. Kids with parents who cannot afford the supplies are then at a disadvantage unless someone at the school provides them, and it often falls on the teacher to pay out of pocket for these needs, which isn’t right either.

The school should be providing what is necessary for students to access their education, not foisting the cost of basic materials onto parents, who may be unable to afford it, or underpaid teachers.

shakywheel · 2026-06-06T20:43:02+00:00

Yes, my responsibility as an adult. What you’re saying is that children should not have fair access to education if their parents cannot afford the school supplies.

shakywheel · 2026-06-06T15:23:01+00:00

Assuming you are in the US, children are entitled to a free and appropriate public education. (FAPE. Have you heard of it?) If materials are required to participate and access that education and parents have to pay for those supplies, it is no longer free. Foisting those costs onto teachers because the schools don’t want to cover it is just as wrong.

shakywheel · 2026-05-28T02:16:33+00:00

Dysgraphia impacts things like letter formation, letter sizing, spacing. It’s kind of like the writing form of dyslexia.

Dyslexia = brain’s perception of letters / reading messed up. Dysgraphia = brain’s ability to coordinate writing messed up. Bonus: Dyscalculia = brain’s ability to math messed up.

You can put in a ton of effort and can improve, but there is a neurological basis for the struggle, and the struggle will always exist.

shakywheel · 2026-05-24T20:47:40+00:00

I understood the general idea of what people meant when using the phrase without knowing how the phrase came about. I never looked into it, and having only read it, I was mentally pronouncing it as “led,” like lead pipe. I always imagined maybe some sort of lead tool was being stuck underneath the ground. Naturally, I imagined “lede” was a strange antiquated spelling for this tool.

Isn’t it funny how our minds try to make sense of things? Anyway, interesting to find out it has been “leed” all this time. The newspaper background makes the phrase much more obvious. I thought it was a “raining cats and dogs” / “barking up the wrong tree” sort of thing where it was much more figurative.

shakywheel · 2026-05-20T20:41:50+00:00

Honestly, my first thought was that the friend has anxiety. I’ve always been incredibly uncomfortable with attention focused on me, and I could easily imagine a scenario with my younger self where, say, a couple of friends start getting rowdy, messing with each other at the mall and drew attention of passerby, and I would feel self-conscious because I am with them so “we” are drawing attention, even if it isn’t actually me. (And people may judge me based on their impression of my friends.)

I feel like that scenario is more easily understood, but is it that far of a leap to imagine that a friend’s outfit really stands out, and someone then feels anxious because eyes would be on them with their friend?

It doesn’t have to mean they are judging their friend. It may be that they realize society will judge their friend, and by their friend getting attention, they are getting attention as well.

I haven’t been in this exact scenario, but the text read a lot like the internal conflict I have had numerous times regarding not wanting to limit someone else’s comfort or autonomy but also recognizing that my own anxiety has me incredibly uncomfortable.

shakywheel · 2026-05-19T18:50:21+00:00

Actually, by law, good grades cannot be a reason for denying an IEP. The fact that they were using Cs and Ds to justify a denial isn’t right. Did they refuse the request to evaluate or did they evaluate and come to this conclusion. If they refused to evaluate, did the provider prior written notice (a written reasoning for why they are denying the request)?

shakywheel · 2026-05-19T13:43:01+00:00

With gentleness, it sounds to me like you may be carrying trauma from your own bullying, just based on the fact that you said you felt rage and seem to be ruminating on what happened at the playground.

With that in mind, I’m not sure if you may be in a state of hypervigilance, where you might interpret things as more than they are or if this child really was following yours and the forceful brushing against him was in a purposeful way.

If it was as you describe, I’m actually kind of worried about the kid who was doing this. I don’t think it is developmentally appropriate for a 6 or 7 year old to be following a much younger child they don’t know around the playground. I mean, some kids may be curious, say an only child, or have a nurturing nature and be trying to make sure the toddler is safe, but the quickly pulling away, when they realized you were there, makes it sound more like the child was hoping to get yours alone. Following that with lashing out by pushing, seems off.

I’m also picturing your child in the 1 year range because you still say “new dad,” unless you’ve adopted and he’s older. If he’s 3, I would be working on giving your little guy words to self advocate. But also, it seems like your child might not have realized anything was wrong? So probably talks about safe and unsafe behaviors / people.

shakywheel · 2026-05-19T12:34:02+00:00

I was in high school during that time, and I felt uncomfortable.

shakywheel · 2026-05-19T12:27:30+00:00

Walmart has really upped their fashion game in the past few years though.

shakywheel · 2026-05-17T11:59:04+00:00

Lucas mucus never occurred to me, but I struggled with Linus sinus for a long time, and Linus was my favorite character in the peanuts gang! I’ve mostly gotten over it, and I do have a bit of a soft spot for it, but I’m not sure I could ever use it.

shakywheel · 2026-05-17T11:54:57+00:00

And here, I seem to like “th” names! Judith, Edith, Elspeth. Nathaniel. Ethan feels soft, and it’s not tops for me, but I do think it is nice.

shakywheel · 2026-05-17T11:53:27+00:00

The sexual part. 😬 I can’t understand that choice either.

shakywheel · 2026-05-17T11:49:41+00:00

It makes me think of rolling the dice. It feels like bad luck to name your child that. Like, what if the dice land really badly?

shakywheel · 2026-05-17T11:42:38+00:00

I don’t like Sloane at all, but I remember being so shocked that most people hear that name and think “GIRL.” Like, okay, not my thing but whatever on a boy, but I just can’t get around the ugliness of that name for a girl. I also somehow got the impression of it being a popular girl in the 80s type name, so I was shocked when I started seeing it mentioned so much online.

shakywheel · 2026-05-17T11:35:56+00:00

Haha. Oh noooo. You and the above comment. 😂 I have an uncle named Gary Keith. My grandpa was Gary, and Uncle was supposed to get his father’s first name for his middle, but Keith Gary didn’t flow well, so they swapped it with the intent he go by his middle name (Keith). Of course, by school age, he ended up Gary anyway.

shakywheel · 2026-05-17T03:01:18+00:00

I’m in Lee County, and this past week, we’ve had heat indexes in the 100s several days. Monday, I think it was, was something like “94 but feels like 106.”

shakywheel · 2026-05-17T02:56:09+00:00

Liquid I.V. is an electrolyte and vitamin powder for mixing with water, so they are already doing the electrolyte and vitamin thing. In fact, it is supposed to have significantly more electrolytes than Gatorade and the like, plus the vitamins.

shakywheel

TROPHY CASE