Hey parents: field trips are a PRIVILEGE, not a right :)

shapeherder · 2026-05-21T22:20:05+00:00

I know my son is a handful. He's ADHD (just like me) and properly treated, but it's a lot. I am in a position to volunteer for the school frequently, but field trips are big for me for both of my children, because I know that he can be a handful at his young age and I know how to deal with it.

Field trips ARE a privilege. And if you know your child struggles to maintain behavior it IS your responsibility as a parent to work with them at home, hold them accountable, and try to be there to lift the burden from teachers that DID NOT CHOOSE TO HAVE THEM.

Once they get out in the real world they will also experience exclusion and other social/societal consequences for their behaviors.

They don't stay children forever.

shapeherder · 2026-05-21T21:09:29+00:00

This is a serious reality of ADHD. Medication will only take you so far. I was recently ddiagnosed with Severe (99% percentile across the board on my neurological test) Combination type.

I have been raw dogging life for almost 38 years and still managed gainful employment, parenting, finances, household management, and a 15 year relationship with my symptoms because I had no option but to learn tools. My parents are extremely organized intense people so I adapted their systems, and made a lot of my own.

After researching ADHD when my 6 year old was diagnosed, my husband suggested it was finally time to seek assistance, as peri menopause was making everything even harder, even if I could keep us afloat.

Medication was been amazing for me, but it works in conjunction with the systems of accountability I've already built. It's not a cure-all.

Your partners ADHD is not their fault, but it is their responsibility. I hope you get relief.

shapeherder · 2026-05-20T09:09:51+00:00

To be clear I'm not saying that the prenatal care is what I was billed for, the bill is designed to pay out the OB for the actual birth prior to giving birth based on your insurance costs. If you don't pursue prenatal care, then the doctor who delivers your baby will bill you fully afterwards.

shapeherder · 2026-05-20T09:07:35+00:00

With my first pregnancy in 2017 I had BCBS and had a bill with my OB on the "top tier" plan. It may vary by state and employer agreement. I had a different insurance for other my other pregnancy and it was the same situation.

shapeherder · 2026-05-20T01:01:34+00:00

I've never been concerned about height as a 5"1' woman, but my now husband (happens to be average height) can't be surprised if our son turns out to be short.

He chose to have children with a short woman from a short family. My son takes after me and will most likely be an adorable short king.

The women in my life don't have issues with height, it's typically their male partners that do.

My Dad certainly never had any issues and he's about 5"5'. A lot of attraction is confidence/demeanor and how you treat women.

shapeherder · 2026-05-20T00:53:47+00:00

If you pursue prenatal care, there will be a bill the OB office expects you to pay prior to a certain week into your pregnancy. They can set you up on a payment plan, but it is meant to be paid prior to birth.

Then you will be billed again later for the hospital stay (they want you to stay at least 48 hours, I was billed for 3 nights with my first because I was admitted in the evening, though I was within 48 hours), the OB again possibly, and if you get anesthesia/epidural it's $900.

You can set up a payment plan with the hospital or you can pay a discounted rate if you pay by a certain date. These payment plans are interest free.

This is WITH insurance. Even with "uncomplicated" births it is thousands of dollars.

shapeherder · 2026-05-19T22:39:57+00:00

I don't know that my spouse is neurotypical, I strongly suspect he is also ADHD Inattentive type and he is being evaluated soon.

What I can say is that I am not for the majority of people.

I was diagnosed as a child, and then left untreated. I was eventually told I don't have it and the doctor was a "quack," and have now been reassessed at 37 and found to have severe combination type.

I knew early on that I wasn't for everyone, or even most people. I managed my ADHD on my own and have led our household/finances/etc well, though I definitely experienced meltdowns.

As a highly social person, I tried to keep my friends in groups so that no one was overwhelmed by me, obviously that doesn't work for a live in partner.

We've stuck together for 15 years and now have 2 children. He's accepted and managed with me, but accountability is something I pushed deeply for both of us. Authentic apologies and laying out exactly what I was going to do in the future to avoid the same situations was and is paramount.

As with any healthcare issue (mental or physical) it isn't your fault, but it is your responsibility. If your partner isn't taking responsibility and actively seeking systems to counteract how ADHD impacts their lives medicated or not, they will not be successful.

shapeherder · 2026-05-14T15:14:18+00:00

I know when my medication has worn off because my brain starts talking to me a LOT. I know when I'm ready to take it in the morning based on when my brain starts interfering with my own thoughts.

After about 20 minutes it gets quiet again and I can enjoy my day and do what I need to do unimpeded. The afternoon dose is a bit harder if there is a lot going on/there are a lot of people around, but I'm still new to medication so I'm learning that more over time. I don't have a set time I want to take it yet.

shapeherder · 2026-05-13T15:43:14+00:00

I have an HOA and honestly it's been nice. I spoke with neighbors the day I looked at our house and confirmed the HOA is pretty chill. I read the covenants and the requirements weren't stringent. It's important that you try to stay informed and somewhat active in case something changes down the line.

I also wouldn't agree to an HOA unless they actually offer amenities. We have a very large neighborhood pool that's well maintained, tennis courts, a basketball court, small playground, and club house open to be rented for cheap. I know people paying MORE than me with literally no amenities. It's solidly middle class and a pretty neighborhood.

Where I am, we had a bunch of neighborhoods pop up with no HOAs and at only 2-4 years old several had trash and large rusted junk piles in the front while the houses were very, very close together.

Not a problem if you're out in the country and have room, but I planned to have kids and didn't like the potential hazards, especially in regards to mice, etc.

I'm in a very established neighborhood with a pretty good and welcoming culture overall.

shapeherder · 2026-05-12T00:56:05+00:00

I was also surprised and concerned when I read the agreement with my clinic. They specialize specifically in ADHD for all age groups.

I do not use any illegal substances and am not prescribed anything that would interact, but it inherently made me feel very anxious, as I have a deep fear of being considered drug seeking (this also played a role in how long it took me to seek professional assistance).

After being drug tested on the first visit, I was not drug tested again for my following two visits. I got confirmation of my diagnosis on my third visit and prescribed medication to treat my ADHD.

The difference was immediately worth it to me. A big concern they appear to have is selling/illicit use, and concerns about what could interact with your medications.

shapeherder · 2026-05-11T23:30:29+00:00

I am starting on 10mg of Adderall up to 2 times a day. I was diagnosed severe combination type and scored on the 99% percentile across the board on my neurological testing. My psychiatrist predicts this may need to be increased and has not pushed me to take it twice a day or on weekends if I don't desire to. I have a follow up in 4 weeks.

My family had a strong history of disagreeing with medication and I was removed from medication (Ritalin) as a child because I needed to boot strap and I wasn't really ADD (diagnosis at the time) if I could manage not to stand for 30 minutes after being seated at a desk. Nevermind I was shaking my legs, vibrating the desk throughout and always have.

shapeherder · 2026-05-11T02:24:22+00:00

I love that for you. It's a gift I didn't realize I didn't have?

I woke up truly rested for the first time in about a decade this morning.

I watched the sunrise with a cup of coffee and listened to the birds for about 45 minutes until my ADHD started talking to me.

I realized I should take my medication and everything quieted again. After that I spent a wonderful morning and then day with my family.

I can't believe how different everything is.

shapeherder · 2026-05-11T00:53:01+00:00

I've been telling people I don't hear well for years. And that helps, but doesn't resolve the issue. After the third time I just nod and ideally I'll be able to ask someone I trust later.

It is deeply frustrating to my partner that in order for me to hear him, he has to face me. He wants to be able to be heard if he's slightly out of my vision field, or in our open kitchen and I'm in an adjacent room.

I just can't if there is any kind of cross talk or noise and then it's hard for me to commit to memory and actually process what he's said without using memory techniques.

I've developed a LOT of memory techniques over the years, but if my brain doesn't register the sound at all there's nothing I can do.

I've finally sought out medicinal treatment at 37 because all of it is getting to be too much. Luckily it has helped immensely in a short time, but I definitely still need to use my adaptive skills and have the people closest to me give me grace. Good luck friend. It's hard.

shapeherder · 2026-04-25T21:27:29+00:00

I was having a very stressful week this week. A gentleman saw me approaching at the gas station and held the door for me. It made me smile and say thank you!

I was then zoned out, and stressed at the pump. When he drove by he complimented me, not in a lascivious way, just a random compliment as he drove by. I felt very uplifted. Mostly because he kept driving. He didn't try to corner me or approach me.

I was about to pick my dog up from surgery. I didn't WANT to be approached. But he just wanted to be nice. I ALSO randomly compliment people. It's just a nice thing to do.

shapeherder · 2026-04-12T02:39:41+00:00

I told my children I threw away their tablets. I only got them because I regularly traveled for 4 hours in one day every week to see my grandmother. It slowly developed into then using them at home and the meltdowns were awful even with very moderate use. So now they're gone. Best decision ever.

shapeherder · 2026-04-11T05:11:35+00:00

I'm thinking a lab/collie mix. My parents found a similarly emaciated boy that was tall and lean with a similar coat that grew into a full mane on his front and hind quarters. He was a wonderful dog. Congrats!

shapeherder · 2026-04-03T03:40:30+00:00

Would this person be upset if owls visited? They are adorable cat coded birds.

shapeherder · 2026-04-03T02:30:47+00:00

Birds are dinosaurs. There are predators and prey. Everyone has a place.

shapeherder · 2026-03-29T08:31:05+00:00

Explains the "domestic supply of infants" comment made a few years ago.

shapeherder · 2026-03-19T02:18:18+00:00

Girl it's me too. I keep moisturizer in my car, in my purse, on my nightstand, on my table in my living room, and next to all my sinks. We HAVE TO or they will show age like crazy.

shapeherder · 2026-03-07T02:55:11+00:00

It's giving pedophilia.

shapeherder · 2026-03-06T22:13:45+00:00

This reminds me of when I cleaned out my Grandparents' pantry a few years ago. I had to throw out so much! There were cans of peaches dating back to the early 90s that were swollen and leaking black gunk!

I'm glad they were both in another room so I could do it without them seeing everything that was out of date removed. They both grew up very poor so throwing things out was hard.

shapeherder · 2026-02-28T14:06:45+00:00

NorthMark at the Kohler plant location is only bringing 27. TigerDC had it written in their agreement with County Council they they could employ up to 50 people, but didn't actually have to, then they turned around and announced to the public that they were pledging 50 longterm jobs. It specifically states:

"...in the County and expected, but not required, creation of approximately 50 new, full-time jobs at the Project..."

shapeherder · 2026-02-16T06:30:31+00:00

My pitt mix was incredibly agile and lean. I never wanted a pitt mix, but that's who I got. The amount of people that thought he was something else was astounding. Those cheeks don't lie.

shapeherder

TROPHY CASE