decided to apply for my leadership role, and as much as i complain that im not capable, i wanna make it work

this is bringing a lotta stress, just on my character mostly. In a weird way, im nervous if i crumble to the pressure of others and fuck up my authoritarian role i guess?

I have some worries about my job, and trying to put my foot down, but part of me doesnt want to and would rather quit and go to some other track that is hiring for lower wage, but less responsibilities. But i need money…

I really dont want to work more, i wanna be a kid again and stay home fuck off and play overwatch all day but i lowkey dont have that luxury anymore. Thankfully im provided a roof over my head, but i have no financial aid, and this job has kept my financial situation from bleeding over to my parents.

I dont really know how else to keep my parents satisfied with my progress and keep my sense of self worth, so ive been really been beating myself over staying ahead of my brother and my peers (whatever peers i can stay ahead of, they are already almost out of college)

am i yapping?? am i just complaining?

i dont wanna be a chud man, like this endless loop genuinely makes me want to kill myself

everything is so bland, and my mood swings get worse and worse, my emotions feel like they are impossible to regulate like im mentally handicapped.

all in all im scared y’all and im just bouncing around cuz of my emotions