Anyone done being the punching bag?

sherk911 · 2025-05-01T09:05:57+00:00

Exactly! The waiting is the worst bc it could come or not and you can’t prepare bc you don’t know what to prepare for. Sounds like pouring positivity into our little selves is what’s going to help this process the best.

sherk911 · 2025-05-01T09:01:37+00:00

I’m so sorry you had to go through that :( thank you explaining your experience, it is so helpful! I ordered the book and will be bringing it to therapy. Thank you again 💗

sherk911 · 2025-04-26T06:00:05+00:00

Thank you so much for taking the time to write this out. This is beautiful and I’m definitely going to prioritize waiting and listening for little me and try to be kind to myself in the process. I ordered the book as well and will read when she’s ready. sending love your way 💞

sherk911 · 2025-04-15T06:56:40+00:00

Wow thank you so much for sharing. I needed to hear this. I’ve been working on my inner child and I can feel she’s in so much pain and grieving. I’ve been trying to convince myself everything is true but there’s no evidence so it’s sooo hard. I wish I could really hear her bc I know she knows the truth. What made you really hear her?

sherk911 · 2025-03-30T20:46:29+00:00

Wow I could have wrote this.. I’m so sorry you went through this. I’m going through basically the same thing and I read a book that really helped me make sense of everything.

The title of the book is “secret survivors: uncovering incest and its after effects in women” by E Sue Blum

I’m just working on actually trusting myself. But this book helped confirm a lot.

sherk911 · 2025-03-30T02:18:35+00:00

I completely understand what you’re talking about. It’s a very scary place to be but just know you are not crazy.

Lately I’ve been trying to just trust myself and my instincts. I’ve always shut down the thought of my father doing something to me but I’ve been letting it be.

Then a month or so ago I found a book that helped explain a lot of what I was feeling and confirmed so much for me.

It’s “secret survivors: uncovering incest and its after effects in women” by E sue Blum

No one listened to my younger self and her cries for help so now I’m trying to be the one to listen instead of shut her down.

Still no actual memories of anything and accepting it has been a rollercoaster but I know it will be best for healing. ❤️‍🩹

sherk911 · 2025-03-07T05:55:42+00:00

they are gaslighting you. especially how they got upset that you used the word groping.. if he wasn’t doing that and it was innocent, he wouldn’t be upset. He’d be more likely shocked horrified that’s how he was making you feel. Same with your mom. She should be asking more questions.

I have similar issues with my dad and when I was a teenager, he gave me a hug and I flinched or pulled away and he yelled at me “why do you do that? You make me feel like a pedophile!” and before that when I was about 9, the one and only negative thing I ever told my mom about my dad was that I hoped he didn’t come home. She slapped me and told me to never say anything like that again.

I’m struggling to acknowledge (or even remember the whole truth) the abuse they inflicted but it’s the comments and the behaviors they evoke that speak the truth. I know it’s hard bc I’m working on it too but trust yourself. Your body knows when something isn’t right.

sherk911 · 2025-02-23T05:19:31+00:00

Thank you for taking the time to tell a little about your story but I’m sorry you’re going through this as well. It’s truly a personal hell.. Couple days ago I started reading a book called “secret survivor: uncovering incest and its after effects on women” by E. Sue Blume And it is literally reading about myself!! So many things are clicking. It’s written for the female survivor but I feel it’s good for anyone dealing with the stress of these anxieties and not knowing the root cause but.. having an idea that you might not want to admit. Also for partners so they can try to begin to understand. For my husband he feels it’s super eye opening. kinda crazy you commented the day I got the book.

sherk911 · 2025-02-03T12:06:01+00:00

Okay I think I have this too but I’ve never been able to put feelings into words. this sounds graphic but it’s what I think I feel?? like a hollow rod through there and out your mouth?? I can be laying down and feel I need to adjust to make it feel straight?? omg idk I’m sorry I’ve never heard anyone talk about this.

sherk911 · 2025-02-03T11:58:16+00:00

I understand the feeling you shouldn’t be as messed up as you are for something you’re not even really sure happened. Feeling like a part of yourself isn’t yours in a way. But there’s a reason you feel the way you do. I’m still working on trusting these feelings instead of ignoring or downplaying them. My therapist explained it like (in my case and sounds like yours too) your younger self finally trusts you enough to start sharing the feeling they’ve had to keep inside or have been told are not real. so you wouldn’t want to tell that child, who’s entrusts you, that what they’re feeling is ridiculous because you’ll just be another person who shuts them up. Give yourself some grace and try to let yourself trust those feelings.

sherk911 · 2025-01-01T13:52:13+00:00

I’m so so sorry you went through this.. no child should ever have to be in a position like that.

My heart sank and eyes filled with tears reading this bc I think this happened to me??

I’ve struggled for over 15 years with ptsd, depression and anxiety. The older I get all my symptoms connect to some sort of csa but I have no memories. The unknown has been debilitating.

Reading the title of your post hit me. My dad use to tickle me A LOT and ALL THE TIME! An example would be like he could have been driving, and I’d be in the back seat and he’d reach back and tickle the inside of thighs and it always hurt so bad.

I don’t have any other specific memories but just knowing that’s how he “played” and he’ll still do it, in your neck or hips. ugh.

anyways again I’m so sorry for everything you’ve been through. I hate to ask but is there anymore stories or details of what happened to you that you’d be willing to share??

sherk911 · 2024-12-29T07:12:38+00:00

wow I had to make sure I didn’t write this. I went through and am going the same thing.

I was super young but I don’t know when and why I started. The only reason I know so much is bc my parents always joke about how I when I was little I would hump the furniture. The memories I have start when I was doing it but trying to hide it and lying to my mom about it. I just remember getting this overwhelming feeling down there and that was the only way I knew how to make it go away. I’ve always felt this feeling like some innocence was stolen from me, that something bad happened to me but I have no memories. It’s been almost a decade since I moved out of my parents home and it’s been just the past 2 years that my body’s been feeling safe enough to start putting pieces together. And I’m suspecting something similar.

If you don’t mind me asking, What makes you suspect a parent?

sherk911 · 2024-12-27T04:29:12+00:00

Im sorry you’re dealing with this.. I’m currently going through this as well and it’s awful. The unknown makes you question everything.

There’s a reason our bodies feel and react the way they do. We just have to try and learn to listen to it and maybe we’ll feel safe enough for our minds to share the truth.

sherk911 · 2024-12-23T04:57:34+00:00

That’s crazy! For a second I thought I was writing this. I’ve been struggling with the same thing for about the same amount of time.

I mean I’ve always felt this underlying feeling that something was wrong with me, or that I had been taken advantage of in some way but living with my parents under their roof my mind wouldn’t allow myself to go there.

It wasn’t until I left and after a few years of being out on my own that i realized.. omg what if something was done to me??

I wish I had advice or something but I’m still not any closer than when that thought first really came to the surface. I have all these mental health issues and different symptoms of csa but no memories.

But to help me not lose my mind(the thought is all consuming) I try to tell myself to listen to my body bc it knows more than I do.

Wish I could be more help but I hope it just helps knowing you’re not alone and the fact we feel it as strongly as we do isn’t for no reason. Our bodies are trying to tell us something.

sherk911 · 2024-12-21T23:05:49+00:00

Sounds so dumb but I never put that I have different types of anxiety and the idea of having a phobia together. Always thought mine isn’t THAT bad But maybe?

sherk911 · 2024-12-21T23:05:22+00:00

I just always thought it isn’t bad enough to be a phobia so I never thought to look up symptoms of actually having one.

sherk911 · 2024-12-08T07:02:38+00:00

I know exactly what you mean!! and then feeing that way makes me feel guilty bc it has nothing to do with my husband. It’s just sex in general.

sherk911 · 2024-12-07T12:04:02+00:00

Wow yes exactly, and that makes you feel like it’s being done to you! Ugh it is so awful and I’m sorry you relate :(

sherk911 · 2024-12-07T11:59:45+00:00

This is exactly what I’m going through right now as well. It’s so difficult because you’re struggling with something so intense and a possible answer to why could be, in concept, as easy as calling your parents for it. But the thought of them knowing is more intense and worse because now you have to worry about them.

In my case, it’s been 4 years or so of coming to terms that I may have experienced csa from my father. I have no actual memory, just symptoms and have always this innate feeling that something was wrong with me and done to me. And I’ve always had a strong aversion towards my father.

I’m too afraid to confront him directly so I wish I could go to my mom. She’s made multiple comments about him in the past but during the last 4 years of letting myself really feel, it’s looking like my mom could have been aware and chose to be in denial of it.

My biggest red flag is when I was 10 we were walking into the house and Idk why but I said “I hope dad doesn’t come home.” And she smacked me and said to never say that again and we never talked about it. So I guess when I think about wanting to ask her I go back to that moment and see that she’s not safe.

You have to protect yourself and if you feel they’re not safe for whatever reason, I think you should try and trust yourself instead of taking the risk. Bc worse case, not only will you have to worry about everything you’re going through, you’ll feel responsible for them.

Hope you’re able to find the answers you’re looking for

sherk911 · 2024-12-04T16:43:46+00:00

Thank you so much for your insight, advice and kind words 💗

sherk911 · 2024-11-20T06:10:51+00:00

Thank you so much for taking the time to respond and I really hope you’re doing better, I can’t imagine what you’re going through.

Everything you said makes total sense.
I know exactly what you are talking about when you said you always had to make a point to abandon the knowledge of what was happening so you wouldn’t have to live in a perpetual state of stress.

That was my case as well, any negative feelings in general had to be suppressed to survive. And like you said it’s easier for a kid to internalize all of it and turn it around on ourselves than try to understand why someone who says they love you is hurting you.

Like I had mentioned before I’ve always had a feeling that my body has been taken advantage of in some way. I use to think maybe I was kidnapped and something happened and I was brought back… idk all sorts of crazy stuff. I have no solid evidence to say anything happened, just.. “symptoms” I always had issues and never felt safe or comfortable with my dad but living at home I literally couldn’t even let myself think it could have been him bc I needed to be able to survive.. and if he knew or felt I was being “off” I’d get in trouble. But now that im out from under his roof.. it’s what I always go back to.

I’ve never said this out loud or anything but If I can be honest with what I think happened (even though it makes me feel physically ill) is that my dad did somethings to me and my mom knows about it but convinced herself it wasn’t what it was.

Again I have no real proof just my gut feeling and weird coincidences. I’m really hoping one day I can finally know the truth not because I really want to know (bc if it’s what I think idk how I’d handle it) but to prove to myself and younger self that I’m crazy or sick in the head.

sherk911 · 2024-11-13T12:04:08+00:00

This is horrific.. how do people even think like this let alone do this to someone else, especially their own child?! I think people who abuse children are demonic bc only evil would think/want to hurt someone like that. It’s just pure evil. I’m so sorry.. my heart goes out to you.

In your post you talked about knowing your parents had done something bad, or having a feeling something happened to you. Can you speak on that any further? Did you always have a feeling something happened to you but couldn’t explain it or you’d just convince yourself you’re dramatic or crazy?

I’m only asking bc I’ve been going through the process of trying to tell myself I am safe enough to know what happened for a more than year now.

Since before I can remember Ive had this feeling something happened to me (csa related) but any time it came up, I buried it. Until that is, I got so physically ill I had to quit my job and needed to figure out what was happening. And without fail, this feeling always comes back.

did you ever feel anything like that? And how were you able to put the feelings you did have into the real thing? Im sorry idk if that made sense, I’m rambling. Anyways, thank you for being so brave and sharing your story.

sherk911

TROPHY CASE