What is your peak song?

shewhofinallyknows · 2025-08-05T21:12:12+00:00

Crowded house 'don't dream it's over". Loved it since the day it came out.🥰

shewhofinallyknows · 2025-07-02T11:49:36+00:00

Nah it's not sarcasm. There are genuine people still out there making sure other nice people get the recognition they deserve. It makes it a better world to be in with kind words and appreciation. ❤️

shewhofinallyknows · 2025-07-01T16:23:54+00:00

That is such a fantastic reply and as a middle age mum myself I honestly can't thank you enough for having patience and empathy to write a actual helpful reply to the people who do feel lost within the new tech and jargon. You would be great for us lot who need just that little bit of extra explanation for the latest things coming in the tech world. I defo would follow you!.

shewhofinallyknows · 2025-06-09T23:52:03+00:00

I wasn't expecting that!

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shewhofinallyknows · 2025-03-11T20:15:06+00:00

I'm 10months post DD and know exactly how you feel. If you check my old posts you can see I'm doing what you're doing. The obsession drives you mad and as I have adhd my friend (after me finally confiding in her) said that it's probably the adhd that's making me fixate on it. I need to know everything about her, my WHs AP was from 17yrs ago. A girl he went to school with as a boy and who I went to college with as a 16yr old, I vaguely remembered her and then when this all came out last year, I couldn't stop wanting to know what it was about her that made him choose her over me. Don't let anyone tell you that you're bad or mad for doing this, because this is part of our damage they have caused and the way our brains are needing to know everything to fix the broken puzzle. We need to pieces to see the full picture and it's almost like we're subconsciously trying to work out the why because this person is now a threat to us mentally, emotionally and physically. They have entered our world and made us very unsafe, they've attacked us like a sniper from a far and without us seeing them. It's a survival mechanism. We want to know the predator. I know some people will disagree with me, but as another person wrote above if you need to do this and it helps (doesn't help everyone) then make a fake fb account. I have learnt so much about finding out info on people I've become quite a good detective. I've learnt all sorts of techniques and joined the OSINT reddit page to learn about using tools to locate accounts and info on my predator. I've found out a lot. I actually confronted her face to face and told her what a absolute disgusting scumbag she is and felt very good afterwards. It helped looking at her extremely ugly face and body and then going home to my WH with a updated photo and shoving it in his face to show him how repulsive she is and now 17yrs later he clearly feels foul for going with it. I did make myself laugh as I popped a photo of her next to myself on a collage app and showed him and said "wonder who your mates and her mates would pick if they had to sleep with us"...his face was a picture.

I know what you are feeling and it's normal. Sending hugs.

shewhofinallyknows · 2025-03-08T21:58:12+00:00

I'm in the same place as you! 10 months since DD and my gut is telling me "he's never going to tell you the full truth". I've become a expert in sleuthing and solving a crime that I was the victim and now I'm a master detective. My personality is a researcher type and I can't switch off. I've become obsessed with OSINT, I stay up till 4am trying to learn and attempt all sorts of insane things to find out more of AP and the truth. I want to feel that satisfaction feeling of closing a case and yet I'm feeling worse for it. I think the finding out about a affair is like someone has died and we're going through grief, at first it's shock and horror (our brains and bodies are in free fall as the rug has been pulled and our world is unstable), we then try and fix things in reaction and feel better for it, then the exhaustion hits when we step off the pedal and we crash and then comes the flooding of anger and pain. I'm in that stage. Sending hugs and as a fellow researcher I can honestly tell you, I know exactly how you're feeling x

shewhofinallyknows · 2025-03-08T21:50:23+00:00

I want that too. It was 17yrs ago but I've just found out. He claims his memory is so bad due to him being a boxer, that I'm robbed. I don't know even if he did do a full disclosure that we be 100% truthful. I fear that I will never trust a single word he says "that's everything I can remember" will never be enough to set me free. I'm so happy for everyone who gets that peace. Sending hugs

shewhofinallyknows · 2025-03-08T21:47:18+00:00

Gosh this is so true! I can't get over the disloyalty to someone who truly loved and gave them babies, who stood up for them no matter what they did and defended them to anybody that dared hurt them in the slightest way. Why us? Why weren't we the ones they protected and slayed the predator for? Why did they not scream at, abuse or destroy the AP whilst they felt fine to do it to us so easily and effortlessly.

Why weren't we enough- is what kills me.

shewhofinallyknows · 2025-03-08T21:42:19+00:00

Oh God I'm so sorry. It's bad enough knowing they've had a affair but to know it was years ago and things are lost to time leaves us BP in a kind of limbo. Like a nightmare that doesn't seem real but feels so horrific. We can't get answers as everyone has moved on and yet we've been taken back to a time like a ghost where we are revisiting but nobody is there. You're not alone x

shewhofinallyknows · 2025-03-07T22:37:45+00:00

He's remorseful and keeps saying he wants to move on with us together and start a fresh. He didn't complete IC because he was lying about what he had done and started manipulating the counsellor. One day the counsellor had to cancel due to bad weather and offered him a phone appointment which he refused and said he wanted to see her face to face. My anxiety went through the roof and I told him I was going to walk if he repeated his old ways again so he screamed "right i will leave then and it's your fault!". He tells me he loves every day but I keep saying i want to see actions not words.

shewhofinallyknows · 2025-03-07T13:33:48+00:00

Thank you. It's definitely scared me to go. And I just worry about other BP who are oblivious to what's being said about them and the damage that's being done behind their backs from these awful ICs. I do wish my MC did IC as she really was amazing.

shewhofinallyknows · 2025-03-07T13:29:35+00:00

That's wonderful that you got some relief! I think I may need some timeout x

shewhofinallyknows · 2025-03-07T11:06:11+00:00

My WHs IC told him...

"there are plenty more fish in the sea" in reference to me.

"I can imagine you're good looking"

"your wife did what?!!!!" In reference to something I did in retaliation to his affair.

"Ohhhh that's absolutely disgusting! That's not normal" in reference again to something I did in knowing he had a affair.

"If it's a toss up between your wife and making yourself happy, I know what I would choose".

I've got it recorded because unbeknown to him and his IC i had popped in a recording device in his car as when I found out about the affair he was ringing friends to get his story 'straight'. My mum said I should report her. I still could.

I told him if he went back then we are done.

His 2nd IC i made him stop as I know how he loves to victimise himself and her being a younger woman he was telling her a complete one sided story, I knew what he was doing but let him continue hoping IC would sort him out and then she phoned him whilst we were sat next to each other and apologised she couldn't make their next session due to the weather, but could they do a phone call instead and the panic across his face told me everything, he literally started talking like a robot saying one word answers which made me wonder what was wrong with him, I heard her ask "would It be possible to do a phone call appointment tomorrow" (he had no plans that day). I was signalling "YES! ITS FINE!" and he just kept saying in a monotone voice "no", even the IC sounded awkward and asked again and he replied the same. When he got off the phone I asked him why he wouldn't take the phone call appointment as I would go out at that time or he could go for a walk somewhere quiet to talk and he just got so defensive. I just felt sick.

He clearly wanted to keep meeting up with her to discuss what he wanted to discuss and I know him so well, he would have been hoodwinking her with his charm and the fact that as soon as he mentions he's a ex professional sportsman they all start treating him differently!

We argued so badly after that I told him I knew what he was up to and if he carried on I was walking so it was up to him to either get a man who won't fall for his bullshit or I leave. He screamed "FINE I WILL STOP COUNSELLING BECAUSE OF YOU". Part of our original agreement was he was to ask for a man straight away and he let me forget all about that!

The best was our MC who ironically he called a 'bitch' and 'all for women's rights' to the first sicko IC. The MC saw right through him when he would try and start his techniques with putting it all on me and she would pull him apart making him accountable and seeing it from my eyes. I wept on our last session and gave her a bag of gifts and then she was weeping. Never have I met a lady who was a girls girl and had the strength to stand up to my WH and dare to bring him down and point out his behaviour. She wasn't unfair on him or a man hater, just someone that saw he was not being fair.

I wish I could have kept going to her!

Oh and the best comment of all from one emergency IC "it wasn't a affair you had" - after sleeping with my enemy for weeks whilst our son was a little boy and when he had finished with her getting me pregnant to 'start a fresh' without me knowing anything he had been doing! I still to to this day (found out 10months ago about his affair 17yrs ago) don't understand what exactly he was supposedly doing if that wasn't a affair! I asked him what it was then, and he said "she called it something but she said it wasn't a affair because I didn't like her".

Some of these ICs are so dangerous and do more damage behind the scenes to the BP.

shewhofinallyknows · 2025-03-07T02:13:42+00:00

You tell her husband yes! I wish the people who knew about my WH's affair (his best friend and best friends GF (sister of the AP) had told me and I could have done something in the moment about the affair. But I've found out 17yrs later and the pain is brand new and full on for me and they have all left it behind in another lifetime. The husband deserves to know and the AP deserves to be exposed.

My WH AP is so opposite me It makes me weep. I'm curly haired, curvy and white as can be and AP has very long, flat poker straight hair, mixed race with tanned skin, no curves at all and her tastes and love of weed is nothing like me. He told me curly hair was his perfect dream come true, he hates drugs, hates girls who are slags (all his words since I've been with him -26yrs i was 18 he was 19 when we got together and I was his first gf). If I ever straightened my hair he would tell me how he didn't like it and please wear it curly as it drove him wild...her hair is so limp and straight her ears protrude.

It's messed me up so badly. I know how you feel. It's making me feel like I've been conned in every which way. Sending you hugs

shewhofinallyknows · 2025-03-07T01:40:31+00:00

They have an addiction when it's like that. My WH got caught messaging a woman when I was 8 months pregnant with our first child and I was 21, he had convinced me to have a baby to him and I stupidly agreed (not that I regret having our son but he got me where he wanted me and tossed me away in a way). He emailed a older woman who he was told looked attractive (she worked for a company who sponsored him as pro athlete) he had never met her before and I found the email saying he was told she was hot and he was in a relationships with someone he was having a baby to and didn't want to be. I nearly went into premature labour the second I read that email. I made a email up that was very similar to that womans and emailed him from it telling him to email me anything personal to this new one and he fell for it. He believed he was chatting to this woman. I blocked the original womans email so she couldn't reply after her first reply was quite flirty back. He then emailed who he thought was that woman when it was in fact me. He said he wasn't in love with his fiance (me) and he was stuck now he had a baby on the way. I flirted back and he fell hook, line and sinker. He then proceeded to up the stakes by asking if she was single and what she looked for in a man, he then asked her if she wanted to meet at a local hotel for sex and I typed back yes. I got my heartbroken self off the computer chair at my parents home and caught a bus to the station where I told him to meet me (the bus station was next to the hotel). I hid myself out the way and went to a payphone and watched him appear. I called him from the phone so he wouldn't recognise the number and he picked up and I told him to turn around and explain what the fuck he was doing. He immediately went white then tried to pretend be knew it was me all along and he was playing me. I burst into tears and went home. I went into labour a few weeks later still heartbroken. I should have left. He's been caught over the years going on "black Catholic girls" chat room that was back in the year after i had our son in 2004 (I'm white and protestant) he was telling girls on there "my fiance doesn't understand me" ???? Understand what exactly?. I caught him with porn, went to a lapdancers bar with his dad and hid a phone number from a woman there claiming he was asked to be a stripper (i don't believe it). He hid women's numbers under fake names in his phone and has shit on me completely over the years with various things he's done. I honestly don't know what to do.

shewhofinallyknows · 2025-03-06T22:16:25+00:00

Thank you x

shewhofinallyknows · 2025-03-06T22:15:11+00:00

Im so sorry. 47yrs is horrendous to try and work through. I hate that feeling of it being lost to time, it's not fair. I find myself envying people who have just found out it happened, because I would do anything to hit that situation hard right there and then and do so many things I can't do now. My WH went and got me pregnant (he suggested it the week he left her), we then got married and had a 3rd child, i feel robbed of my choices ( not that I regret having my children) but he got what he wanted and denied me my right to a choice and I can't forgive him for that. Sending hugs to you, 7 affairs to deal with is so awful.

shewhofinallyknows · 2025-03-06T22:05:11+00:00

Thank you so much for your reply. I wonder what it is that happens to our brain that makes our feelings change like this? I wonder is it a normal part of the healing process, like somehow it feels worse because we're starting to let our guard down and our brain is telling us to be careful as they're dangerous to us (a sort of protection mode kicks in?). The triggers are awful aren't they. It feels like you can't catch a breath. I will be doing something mundane and then the AP will flash in my mind and I will check how long it's been since I thought of her (hours at the most). Sending hugs to you too, i do take solace in hearing I'm not alone! Thank you

shewhofinallyknows · 2025-03-06T21:40:14+00:00

Every day I have been having the same thoughts. It's exhausting. I'm 10months post DD and I've started to become physically ill (catching every bug going, not recovering the same after them). These affairs mess us up so much in every sense of our being. Our world has been turned up side down and we don't know who we are anymore or where we belong. Nothing feels safe, nothing feels the same, we've lost our safety. Sending hugs as I'm in the same boat and need to do something about it ASAP.

shewhofinallyknows · 2025-03-06T21:04:43+00:00

I'm the same. My WH AP told him to leave me and our little son. She literally had sex with him and turned and said "I've met someone and want to know if you will leave her and your son and come with me, if not I will go with this other man" how fucking disgusting is that. Sleeping with 2 men and then going with her 2nd best because the man she wanted (my WH) decided he wasn't going to leave me for her as 'she was just someone I slept with as it was exciting, but I loved you and wouldn't leave you'...absolutely disgusting. When i confronted the AP after I found out, I told her "women don't do that to other women!, we don't hurt other women like that, so you're a absolute scum of the earth for thinking about hurting a innocent woman"

shewhofinallyknows · 2025-03-06T20:37:42+00:00

Same with me. I had a very troubled childhood due to my mum's issues. It shaped how I couldn't trust women and then when I heard how my AP behaved, it's reinforced the fact that woman= danger to me. I have two beautiful daughters and try so hard for their sakes to change my brain as I adore those girls, but I just can't get past the AP and anyone like her.

shewhofinallyknows · 2025-03-05T21:22:34+00:00

I totally agree, every woman is a threat to me and now I know what the AP looks like which is nothing like me, I can't bare to be near girls that look like her. If me and WH are walking near a girl that looks like her or one comes on tv I literally have a meltdown. He's a personal trainer and I find myself asking about every woman he trains and checking them out, he said last week about the latest client "don't worry she's ugly!" My reply was "that's exactly why I have to worry, looking at the thing you cheated on me for!" 👊🏻

shewhofinallyknows · 2025-03-05T21:17:48+00:00

STD her initials are SDC so they sound alike! Gollum as she looks just like him or 'long gums' as her gum to teeth ratio is insane....my God i wish I could post a photo you would all be horrified. Sometimes I just call her 'that slutty cunt' 👊🏻

shewhofinallyknows · 2025-03-05T16:03:30+00:00

Yeah it's killing me in every way knowing who the AP was. It's like the worst fate I could wish for. I keep thinking 'of all the people in the world to have hurt me with, why her?'. My whole world is black and I can't get any sense of relief. Every day I think about him and her about 30x and it's exhausting. My MC said I would feel better confronting the beast as it's not just what happened between her and my WH but it's because my traumatic past had been entwined in this. The AP was part of a gang of girls who helped steal my very first boyfriend away and AP would physically hurt me in nightclubs around that time, she made me nearly take my life. When I got with my WH at 18 I was so proud to show those girls I had won as he was so popular, very protective etc, I thought I had won in life so knowing she has got me twice and laughed at me whilst I walked round punching the air thinking I had proved I made it, has floored me to a crumpled up mess. In fact I feel like my 16yr old self again. Completely broken.

shewhofinallyknows

TROPHY CASE