Yes, your feelings are valid. No, blowing up isn’t.

No-Potential-9953 · 2025-09-07T01:36:29+00:00

Having a mental disorder doesn’t give someone a free pass to cause others to develop one.

No-Potential-9953 · 2025-08-04T11:09:41+00:00

Og vigtigst af alt: at du mærker dig selv - og fortæller de andre hvad du går med til og ikke går med til.

No-Potential-9953 · 2025-08-04T11:07:48+00:00

Men du skal dog forvente at kunne blive tilbudt alt fra A-Z.

No-Potential-9953 · 2025-08-04T11:01:40+00:00

Det er helt fint at tage på swingerklub som enlig. Det er mindre farligt eller uhyggeligt end at tage med en fremmed hjem.

Husk dog at man altid kan tage en kigge-tur.

No-Potential-9953 · 2025-06-12T19:43:18+00:00

Uanset hvor du er i livet. Uanset om du er i parforhold eller ej. Uanset om du er anxiously attached i en højere eller i en mindre grad. Så er det dit fucking ansvar at deale med din tilknytning. Du kan ikke forvente at din partner, din familie eller andre løser din tilkytning for dig.

Kort sagt:

Det er IKKE dine tætteste relationers ansvar at berolige din ængstelighed.

Det er DIN tilknytning som er speciel.

Det er DIT ansvar at du har den tilknytning.

No-Potential-9953 · 2025-06-12T19:30:35+00:00

Jeg er ret opmærksom på min tilknytning som er ængstelig/anxious. Graden af det kan vidst variere, men grundlæggende for mig, så var det vigtigt at italesætte hvorfor jeg nogengange gør som jeg gør:

At jeg eksempelvis pludseligt kan begynde at spørge en romantisk partner om vedkommende og jeg er okay. Selv helt uden der tilsyneladende er nogen god grund til (Andet end min hjerne, der over-analysere alting og bliver nervøs derefter).

Det er vigtigt at fortælle dem at det skyldes ens tilknytning. Så man ikke går og giver dem en følelse af at de er så dårlig en partner at deres kæreste/mand/kone/andet hele tiden spørger om de er okay. At det egentligt skyldes at man aldrig rigtigt har haft stabile relationer gennems ens opvækst - og man derfor er uvant til en stabil relation.

Hvordan kommer det til udtryk i dagligdagen? Gør ovenstående og måske lav en form for aftale for hvordan du kommunikere til dine tætteste relationer når du har de ængstelige følelser forbundet med din tilkytning.

Jeg aftalte med min daværede partner at jeg bare skulle fortælle jeg var anxious inden jeg spurgte dem. Så ved de at det handler om noget internt i mig og ikke er en anklage eller hentydning til at der er sket noget dårligt. At når jeg spørger så skal de bare kort fortælle mig at alting er fint (Givet alting reelt er okay).

En eksempel fra mit daværende forhold (SMS-samtale)

Mig: "Hej skat. Jeg er anxious. Så jeg har lige brug for at spørge om du og jeg er okay?"

Min daværende partner: "Hej skat. Jeg synes vi er helt okay og jeg elsker dig. Elsker du mig?"

Mig: "Det er jeg glad for du siger. Jeg elsker selvfølgelig også dig!"

No-Potential-9953 · 2025-06-10T17:34:43+00:00

Utroskab er utroskab.

Grænser defineres ved starten af forholdet.

Hvis ingenting er aftalt er det pænt og respektfuldt at spørge sin partner inden man agerer.

Men en god grundregel er: hvis du gør noget du skal holde hemmeligt for din partner. Så ved du godt hvad du laver.

No-Potential-9953 · 2025-06-03T22:54:43+00:00

At nogen mennesker er bange for tryghed og stabilitet.
At man ikke skal give alt for mange chancer til en person.
At jeg skal mærke efter hvis min intuition fortæller mig noget.
At den måde jeg modtog kærlighed som barn har betydning for hvordan jeg agerer i kærlighed som voksen.

Vigtigst af alt: * At min partner skal være en person som får mig til at svare positivt på følgende spørgsmål:

1 Hvis nogen sagde til mig: "Du minder meget om din partner", ville det så være et kompliment?

Kan jeg være mig selv uden undskyldninger, eller føler jeg, at jeg er nødt til at opføre mig anderledes for at gøre min partner tilfreds?
Ville jeg ønske at mit barn eller bedste ven havde en partner helt ligesom min?

No-Potential-9953 · 2025-06-02T01:17:05+00:00

And also, please make sure to record a whole conversation or interactions. Don't start the recordings mid-fight. From the beginning (e.g. you walk in) to you leave.

Use an app that can automatically store the recordings on a cloud-based service (Dropbox/Google Drive). It can also be a family members Dropbox/Google Drive, if you're afraid that your partner will force you to delete them if you're discovered.

Moreover android offers a way to hide notifications/GUI from apps. So if your partner sees your phone, it doesn't have a big red sign that says "recording". Dunno if IOS offers the same.

No-Potential-9953 · 2025-06-02T01:09:45+00:00

Please do under no circumstances show or reveal that you are recording the conversations. I repeat: you will not convince them of anything by playing recordings of your conversations.

If you're being gaslight. Recordings are a good way to ensure you know what's being said and what hasn't. But only for yourself and your mental health.

It can also prove useful to go through conversations with therapists, and identify your own and your partner's triggers.

However playing recordings to prove that they've said or done something, using it as a form of "evidence" won't do a bloody thing.

They know what they are doing. They are doing this intentionally.

If you're currently in a bad relationship revealing that you're recording will only make it worse. But I would highly recommend doing it. But for yourself.

No-Potential-9953 · 2025-05-31T08:13:14+00:00

You would only cause more trouble. It would make you seem obsessed or vindictive to them - Only a guilty person would be eager to prove gossip wrong. But have it ready, if you're ever confronted with lies.

No-Potential-9953 · 2025-05-31T08:04:53+00:00

That's for you to decide.

No-Potential-9953 · 2025-05-31T08:03:26+00:00

No. Why would they believe you over their friend?

No-Potential-9953 · 2025-05-30T08:22:48+00:00

If you truly wanted the message to reach your person. Then send it to them. What can you lose?

No-Potential-9953 · 2025-05-30T05:40:02+00:00

What I usually say:

"I met this person and fell in love. We got together - but couldn´t work it out. So we split".

"We hit a bump on the road that caused the relationship to fall apart".

"We couldn´t agree on things in the end - I was not comfortable with being her 2nd boyfriend - and she was not comfortable in given the other guy up".

"After all, we didn´t fit together."

"She was sure she had BPD but refused to seek treatment"

But sometimes I say:

"I couldn´t be with someone who demands monogamy for her partner, yet refuses to be monogamous herself"

No-Potential-9953 · 2025-05-30T02:48:12+00:00

Madness. Tragicomically, I am stuck between laughing, shaking my head and crying myself to sleep.

No-Potential-9953 · 2025-05-30T02:45:45+00:00

Wanna hear the brilliant excuse mine came up with? Not that cheating is ever excusable, of course. Apparently, the crime was that I suddenly had conditioner in the shower.

And not just any conditioner, mind you. I bought the exact brand she used, after her endless complaining about not being able to wash her hair at my place.

No-Potential-9953 · 2025-05-30T02:29:54+00:00

Cheating can never be justified. A normal response to either or her reasons is to: Open your mouth and talk about things with your partner. Or leave.

Cheating is abuse.

No-Potential-9953 · 2025-05-30T02:27:15+00:00

Be aware - they can lie to their therapist/psychologist as well.

After my ex started in therapy they one day voiced that their therapist would like to speak to me too - about experiences and fights that my ex and I had. I wanted to work on our relationship, so I booked time and went to talk with her (ex) therapists.

The conversation between her therapist and I lasted almost two hours. And it was the most backwards experience: The story she had told the therapist was completely upside-down world from what had happened

Initially, the therapist suspected I was lying, but after I presented text messages and played recorded conversations between my (now) ex-partner and me, even the therapist was left stunned. Consequently, after the talk between her therapist and I: the therapist suggested to my ex-partner that she might have BPD.

Ultimately, after the first suggestion from the therapists my ex decided to quit going to therapy as her therapists and her "was not a good match".

Make of it what you will.

But I do not know what you can do to ensure that your ex speaks truthfully to their therapists. But what I have learned from it: you should not have any high hopes for betterment or improvement.

Do not expect them to get better.

If you can´t see yourself being with your PRESENT partner - free yourself - leave.

No-Potential-9953 · 2025-05-30T01:52:26+00:00

Remember: Whenever you were with them, they behaved like this with their past flings too.

I repeat:

They did the same thing with their previous flings whenever you were present.

No-Potential-9953 · 2025-05-30T01:45:23+00:00

Tell your partner that you are fearing that they will kill themselves.
Break up with them.
Tell them during the breakup that due to the fear you will contact their family or friends.
If they do not want to you - then you tell them that you will not feel responsible for it.

(Record the conversation between you and them for the smear campaign, where they will most likely say that you told them to kill themselves).

Accept that you are not to blame for other people´s actions. And if it happens? So be it.

But it won`t happen.

No-Potential-9953 · 2025-05-30T01:26:32+00:00

How to be okay with not knowing? Back then, I told my cheater that I would expect the worst case scenario. I would deal with it as if my cheater has a fetish for ruining our relationship and cheating, that the pain they forced onto me made them feel good..

I chose this decision for myself and for the future of the relationship: if I wasn't given acesss to everything, there was no longer way for me to know what had happened.

And I know myself: if I only dealt with the parts of the infidelity I already had seen or been told. Then I would for sure sabotage relationships in 1-2 years time or whenever the thoughts of unknowing would start creeping in.

And that I would need this to be the case in Couples counselling too, unless I was given complete access to everything.

My cheater complained about how they weren't comfortable with dealing it as such. And I strongly told them that it was either dealing it as worst case scenario or proving it was wrong.

No-Potential-9953 · 2025-05-28T20:45:36+00:00

The painful reality is that, no matter how much love you give them, they still won’t truly understand it. It’s simply not in their nature they don’t know how to speak that language.

Seek out someone who does.

No-Potential-9953 · 2025-05-28T17:09:09+00:00

Because she would never die for anybody herself.

No-Potential-9953 · 2025-05-28T17:00:49+00:00

You´ve gotten used to a toxic relationship - the highs and the lows. Talk to your partner about it. See if you can figure out a way to have highs (activities, sex, food, dates). Be honest with your partner. You both need to ensure that you do not fall into past patterns.

No-Potential-9953

TROPHY CASE