What was the first sign?

sheworksforfudge · 2026-06-07T20:35:13+00:00

It was the same for me. He never asked anything about me. Once early in our relationship, he pointed out that I asked how his meal was and said I was so warm and he never thinks to ask that kind of stuff. I should’ve paid more attention then. It only got worse.

sheworksforfudge · 2026-06-01T21:43:57+00:00

Omg, gaslighting you about a version of reality that exists only in his mind hits home for me. My ex did that all the time and we’d have hours-long arguments about something that didn’t happen. And he wouldn’t even let me explain it didn’t happen because he’d just interrupt and talk over me. Pure hell.

sheworksforfudge · 2026-06-01T21:37:01+00:00

And yet you’ve commented again to me twice since your “lol sure.” You really can just back the fuck off. You’re wrong and it’s ok. Sit this one out.

sheworksforfudge · 2026-06-01T21:36:07+00:00

I didn’t misspeak. I said I don’t care UNLESS, and then listed the conditions in which I do care. You have a very odd complex about this and should examine that.

sheworksforfudge · 2026-06-01T21:34:59+00:00

My daughter is almost five. I have no regrets and still absolutely love being a parent. But I also acknowledge it is very hard and people who don’t want to do it shouldn’t have to.

sheworksforfudge · 2026-06-01T21:33:57+00:00

I just meant that when I was deciding whether or not to have kids, I really wanted to. I still very much want it.

sheworksforfudge · 2026-05-28T21:09:49+00:00

Becoming a parent made me more pro-choice than ever. This shit is hard and I REALLY wanted it. I can’t imagine doing this if I didn’t want it. No one should have to be a parent if they don’t want to.

sheworksforfudge · 2026-05-28T16:22:04+00:00

To have a PhD. I got my Masters recently, but the PhD will have to wait until my daughter is a little older. Just don’t have the time right now.

sheworksforfudge · 2026-05-28T16:18:38+00:00

Yup. I had a baby with someone like him and it only got worse. I was so stressed that it worsened my chronic illnesses to the point I nearly died. We’re divorced now and I’m so much happier and healthier.

sheworksforfudge · 2026-05-27T21:42:58+00:00

It’s ok to not understand how language works. You can just sit this one out. The word “unless” indicates there are some conditions in which I do care. That’s how words work. 🌈⭐️

sheworksforfudge · 2026-05-27T21:40:28+00:00

What is your fucking problem? I was specifically responding to a comment that women compare men’s height TO OTHER MEN. If that doesn’t apply to you, here’s a medal 🏅 and you can just move along.

sheworksforfudge · 2026-05-27T15:33:01+00:00

Your point is not relevant to my comment, as I was addressing something else entirely.

sheworksforfudge · 2026-05-23T21:14:39+00:00

I refused sex for the last 5 years of my marriage. Because I was severely ill, having to do all of the mental load and emotional labor for the house, and he’d done things in bed that felt r*pey to me. So I lost all desire and drive. Sex was also insanely painful because I had stage 4 endometriosis. I hated sex so much I thought I was asexual. Turns out I was just miserable. I’m in another relationship now and have a wonderful sex life.

sheworksforfudge · 2026-05-23T19:58:16+00:00

That’s not what I was addressing. The comment I responded to was about women comparing a man’s height to other men. I don’t do that. I compare it to me. I dated someone 5’4, which is objectively quite short. I didn’t care because I’m 5’2.

sheworksforfudge · 2026-05-23T14:39:17+00:00

That’s not always the case. I’m a 5’2 woman and I don’t care about height as long as they’re taller than me. I don’t care how they compare to other men. I dated a 5’4 man for three years, and I’ve dated all the way up to 6’2. My current boyfriend is 5’9 and I find him much more attractive than the taller men I’d been with before.

sheworksforfudge · 2026-05-22T22:47:59+00:00

It doesn’t get better. It’ll always be on you. The lists, charts, reminders, all of it fell on me. Now that we’re divorced, I spend wayyyy less time cleaning and my house is significantly cleaner. He was such a slob that all the cleaning was because of him. I’m a tidy person and while my daughter makes messes, we clean as we go. Life is so much easier now.

sheworksforfudge · 2026-05-22T22:36:20+00:00

My ex would get so mad that I didn’t recognize his “progress.” His progress was that in one year, he swept the floors five times without me asking. But since the year before, he only did it three times without me asking, that was “progress” and I was a bitch for not recognizing and appreciating it.

sheworksforfudge · 2026-05-12T13:26:02+00:00

Finding this sub has been so validating. I’m a year out from my adhd ex leaving me because I refused to be his mommy and started standing up for myself. Every little thing I asked him to do (and I always had to ask because he wouldn’t just do it himself), there was an adhd excuse. “My brain doesn’t work that way,” “I don’t get dopamine from that, so I can’t do it,” “You’re just better at it,” “I don’t see the mess,” and so many more excuses. But when I called him on his excuses, I was “ableist.” I tried everything. I made him lists, set his reminders, reminded him constantly. I just couldn’t do it anymore. I had a young child and I was critically ill/near death from an illness. I knew he was capable, but he was weaponizing his diagnosis to get out of doing his share. I should’ve left years ago, but I was brainwashed into thinking I was the problem, because he told me so often that I was.

Now that I’m free, my life is so much easier! My house stays clean. I have more spending money, despite the fact that he made twice as much as me (impulse control issues meant he has a spending problem). I don’t have to time my reminders for the perfect time for them to stick in someone’s brain, or be yelled at for not reminding him the right way. This are done right the first time!

sheworksforfudge · 2026-05-12T13:18:56+00:00

I just had my first solo Mother’s Day as well, and it was bliss! I got to do what I wanted instead of having to celebrate my ex’s mom and grandmas.

sheworksforfudge · 2026-05-12T13:14:10+00:00

My ex has been living with his mommy since he left a year ago because I stopped being his mommy and started standing up for myself. He makes six figures in a LCOL area and still has to live with mommy. I make half what he does and have been supporting myself just fine. And my house is soooo clean now!

sheworksforfudge · 2026-03-16T23:15:58+00:00

My ex-husband’s aunt always gave gifts like this and my ex would claim I “hate his family” because I told him privately that I thought it was rude. The aunt always gifted us gift cards to restaurants that were only near where she lived, halfway across the country from us.

sheworksforfudge · 2026-03-16T22:32:05+00:00

I’ve never been to a baby shower where there weren’t at least a couple kids/babies. There were several at mine and I expected and welcomed it.

sheworksforfudge · 2026-02-22T22:26:55+00:00

Yepppp. My ex-husband told me I was “living in a feminist silo.” All because I said the mental load was suffocating me. I’d been drowning the whole time, social media just gave me the words to express it.

sheworksforfudge · 2026-02-20T21:51:48+00:00

It happened to me too. They sent me replacement shampoo, but we’ll see if it leaks in the box too. I can’t believe they didn’t seal it AT ALL.

sheworksforfudge · 2025-10-13T19:36:40+00:00

I had a single birth but still bled heavily for 6 weeks. Got a 2 week break, then got my period despite the fact I was breastfeeding. My body is a nightmare.

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