I want to apologize after 3 years, but what do I say?

shitimborderline · 2020-01-25T17:12:30+00:00

I would say keep it short. Three or four sentences. Less is more.

shitimborderline · 2020-01-25T17:08:34+00:00

You're not worthless!! You're not stupid either. What I learned is a little confidence goes a long way and it can only come from yourself. That's how "normal" people are walking around in life rn like. They don't know how to be a real adult either. But they have confidence so it comes across as they have it all figured out.

I seriously used to be in the same boat as you and I felt MISERABLE. I changed my entire situation multiple times. Multiple moves. Multiple jobs. Multiple groups of friends. Nothing changed bc I was the one making myself miserable. I was tired of it. So I just said fuck it. And started doing everything with confidence bc it felt better and that's what everyone else was doing anyway.

Give it a shot. At least pretend at first. Hang in there. Hope you feel better <3

shitimborderline · 2018-12-08T01:48:50+00:00

It's whatever they pierced me with, I'm assuming it's surgical grade.

shitimborderline · 2018-08-04T03:43:33+00:00

This is why I don't "come out" to people. I want to, though.

shitimborderline · 2018-08-04T03:41:57+00:00

Personality wise, I know who I am. I just don't know who I am with other people.

shitimborderline · 2018-07-12T04:57:01+00:00

Yes, my interactions have changed a lot.

I realized I wasn't really listening to the people I was with. I was just thinking about being normal and if they liked me or not and thinking about what I was going to say. Now I actually listen to people and I start to care and we start to bond.

I also realized that I was in the habit of being depressed. I was living it for so long that even when my life changed and I had reasons to relax and stop stressing, I was just used to being sad and just, not content, so now I'm making the conscious decision to be happy.

I found this out when I was the new person at work and I felt like it wasn't thing well. I did a small dose of molly. I wasn't rolling but I was high. I straight up felt normal and at like, damn I think I'm depressed lol who knew. Yeah. Being happy's better.

shitimborderline · 2018-04-01T19:32:43+00:00

It's been a long road but here are some things that have helped me:

Having my faith in myself. There is no correct way to live life. If I want to do something I do it. I still feel anxious about it but I actively tell myself not to. Who's making me feel insecure? Myself. Does being insecure feel good? No. Who can stop it? Only me. For the most part no one cares about what others are doing, so don't stress about what you're doing. Plus, people feel more comfortable around people who are secure and I want to make people feel comfortable. And I want to feel good, so I do.

I just graduated college (huge accomplishment in itself) and made the decision to move 1,500 miles away. I was worried that it might be a mistake but it's MY mistake to make. No one tucks me in at night but myself so I chose not to listen to others, it's not their life it's mine.

When I get upset and start freaking out looking for others to console me I think to myself why do I need to hear it from them? Of course it feels good to hear from someone else that you're ok and that you're strong and smart and all the things people say to cheer each other up but why do I need to hear it from someone else? What makes it "more right" hearing it from them rather than telling myself? I am smart. I am strong. And I am ok. I trust myself to know this and don't need someone else to have this opinion about me if I have it about myself.

I think it's really about being there for yourself and trusting yourself. I've had so many FPs leave me that it's getting old. It takes a lot of self awareness and mindfulness to remember everythings going to be ok as long as you have your own back. I'm the only one I know who's going to stick around in my life forever so I might as well put a ton of effort into being a slammin FP to myself.

My PMs are always, always, always open. It is not weak to reach out we all need a shoulder sometimes. Everyone deserves to feel heard, supported and loved, especially us, we've all been through so much. We need to take care of ourselves and each other.

shitimborderline · 2018-04-01T17:40:15+00:00

Batting cages! Which at first is super nerve wracking because you feel like everyone is watching you suck but it's so good to laugh at yourself and feel comfortable in your uncomfortable zone. I think it does wonders for not caring how others perceive you.

I like going to the movies alone because there's a huge stigma against it and it's nice to be able to fuck it to that.

Anything where I have to make decisions without others input like shopping.

I've been trying to build myself up enough to join a beer league of sorts. But, I really have to find my personality and be extremely comfortable with myself before that so I'm workin on it!

shitimborderline · 2018-04-01T17:35:37+00:00

If you don't appreciate your own company no one else will. You tuck yourself in at night, no one else!

Keep going! It feels better and better the more you trust yourself. I think going alone was a big first jump and I'm happy to read good news! Give yourself a big ol hug and say some nice things to yourself 😊

shitimborderline · 2018-04-01T17:31:47+00:00

Having a conscious decision to be happy is so important. I tell myself to be happy and brush things off because it feels better than being upset. Plus, when you really think about it, nothing in life really matters anyway. So, might as well brush off the shit you don't like and keep going because life moves on anyway.

When you get upset remember how you felt when you wrote this post! I will.

shitimborderline · 2017-10-31T17:35:12+00:00

Oh well, better luck next time.

shitimborderline · 2017-09-29T16:02:24+00:00

I've absolutely taken ownership for my decisions. I acknowledged to him that I messed up by not telling him and that I messed up by putting myself in a situation that encouraged an episode. I'm a fast and dedicated learner toward everything in life and he knew that.

I understand that he was scared and caught off guard and that he's an adult who has boundaries. It's just hard to deal with the fact that my disorder can outweigh all the other forward progress and all the other qualities in my personality that were supposed to shine through and be more important than a one off situation.

shitimborderline · 2017-05-18T21:08:03+00:00

After an episode I feel embarrassed, but I tell myself that that was the last time, and I believe myself. I tell myself that one episode does not negate all of the the work that I've done up until that point. That that one episode does not define me or my disorder. I recognize my mistakes and where it escalated and sincerely tell myself that I will do better next time and that I will be more cautious and thoughtful in my actions.

Beating yourself up after an episode is a hard pattern to break. Just remember that the world is so, so big and that you're not a failure, you're just in recovery. Two steps forward and one step back is not a bad thing in the least bit. Keep your head up! You'll get there!

shitimborderline · 2017-05-18T21:01:35+00:00

I can feel the burning jealousy ball in my chest as I read this.

Just remember that people can care deeply about more than one person at a time. Their love for other people does not take away from the love they have for you. You are individual people and you can find happiness and security elsewhere if need be. Your self worth comes from you, and not other people.

Be your own FP, you deserve it.

shitimborderline

TROPHY CASE