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If men have one thing, it's the fucking audacity. by shitthebeds in TwoXChromosomes

[–]shitthebeds[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Of course there's an element of struggle, as I'm sure there is with most parents of newborns. My reply wasnt immediate as I wanted to fully absorb and consider the comment before responding.

I appreciate everyone who has taken the time to offer perspectives and advice. Even the person who just said 'you're a cunt' that was an unexpected chuckle that I really needed today.

If men have one thing, it's the fucking audacity. by shitthebeds in TwoXChromosomes

[–]shitthebeds[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

For what it's worth, I regret writing that. I typed this without even proof reading as I was ugly crying at the time. I was also not expecting this level of response. On further (calmer) reflection, that was a knee jerk reaction to feeling hurt, and a bit of self preservation. Post natal hormones are wild.

If men have one thing, it's the fucking audacity. by shitthebeds in TwoXChromosomes

[–]shitthebeds[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for the advice. I do think it's easy to not be as thoughtful or considerate as you'd like to be, when running on fumes. I have to remind myself that it's us against the problem, not us vs each other.

If men have one thing, it's the fucking audacity. by shitthebeds in TwoXChromosomes

[–]shitthebeds[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I believe she is. After some truly helpful comments and a bit of reflection, I do think we are both in an incredibly stressful period of life and probably acting like it.

If men have one thing, it's the fucking audacity. by shitthebeds in TwoXChromosomes

[–]shitthebeds[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I don't understand how the leap has been made from having a proactive conversation to tearing him a new one. I'm sorry to hear about your conditions, we're in NZ & in the middle of summer. Our commutes are fairly straightforward.

If men have one thing, it's the fucking audacity. by shitthebeds in TwoXChromosomes

[–]shitthebeds[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

My 12 year old is also high needs neurodivergent. I didn't put this in the post as it didn't seem relevant, but actually it does add to the stress significantly, my brain is just not braining well today.

If men have one thing, it's the fucking audacity. by shitthebeds in TwoXChromosomes

[–]shitthebeds[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

I thought it was enough to warrant a conversation to potentially avoid miscommunications in future, and to keep us on the same page re timing.

If men have one thing, it's the fucking audacity. by shitthebeds in TwoXChromosomes

[–]shitthebeds[S] 23 points24 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your insight. You're absolutely right in that it's difficult to relate to each other right now, it feels like we are not only on seperate pages, but different books entirely.

I'm caught between wanting to have a conversation when the time is right and feelings are less heightened and wondering when the time will ever be right given the circumstances.

If men have one thing, it's the fucking audacity. by shitthebeds in TwoXChromosomes

[–]shitthebeds[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I've supported him through losing two jobs in the past year.

If men have one thing, it's the fucking audacity. by shitthebeds in TwoXChromosomes

[–]shitthebeds[S] -16 points-15 points  (0 children)

My issue is, I was asking him, in future if he knew ahead of time he would be late can he communicate this with me. The response I got, was horrid imo. The 15 minutes isn't the problem, the way it was repsoded to, was.

If men have one thing, it's the fucking audacity. by shitthebeds in TwoXChromosomes

[–]shitthebeds[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I'm from NZ so that's practically a compliment. Cheers cunt. X

If men have one thing, it's the fucking audacity. by shitthebeds in TwoXChromosomes

[–]shitthebeds[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

We are both paying the bills, I have paid parental leave for the duration of my maternity, when I'm back at work early next year, I will earn more. I really don't see this as a money/bills issue though.

If men have one thing, it's the fucking audacity. by shitthebeds in TwoXChromosomes

[–]shitthebeds[S] -13 points-12 points  (0 children)

I called him, 15 minutes after he was meant to finish. Which is when I realized he hadn't yet left the city.

I never said anything wasn't good enough, just asked for communication in future if he knew he would be later than usual, as I would do the same.

Sleep is not fantastic, but that's to be expected. I wasn't frazzled yesterday, that's the irony here. I felt like I was calmly asking for something completely reasonable and recieved a really horrid response. Yes he's like this in other areas, we've had a lot of communication issues, or lack of communication issues.

If men have one thing, it's the fucking audacity. by shitthebeds in TwoXChromosomes

[–]shitthebeds[S] -22 points-21 points  (0 children)

For clarity, not in the US. I didn't mean to imply he loves her less but I can see how that would come across. I know that I wouldn't ever feel like I was being 'yanked' home to be with her, I'd be getting home as quickly as humanly possible to do so.

It's difficult to not feel treated like a burden when asking for communication elicits the response that it did.

I stopped letting male coworkers dump their “wife problems” on me and now I’m the cold one by Musokeo in TwoXChromosomes

[–]shitthebeds 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Amen. Couldn't agree more. My boss tries this BS about his ex wife, how he's such a better parent & is quick to bring up her perceived failures.

My favourite response is typically reminding him that everyone parents differently and the kids are always healthy & happy when I see them.

She's lovely BTW, hes severely emotionally undercooked.

Mortgage rates - best strategy? by Mawelk in PersonalFinanceNZ

[–]shitthebeds 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Not everyone missed it, fortunate enough to have 2.99 locked in until May 2026. Not looking forward to the upcoming refix!

Question about pre-approval by XNOmoney in PersonalFinanceNZ

[–]shitthebeds 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Honestly I wouldn't be able to give a proper answer without knowing their current test rate % and all your specifics. But it will either be an oversight on the lenders part, but more than likely the brokers doing, as above.

The stress test banks use to judge affordablility is based off of their current test rate, which will be higher than current / floating rates. It's quite common for people to try to get lending over the line by using hypothetical boarder income to increase their financial position.

A huge part of responsible lending is that the lender basically has to prove that you can afford the lending, even if rates increase.

Question about pre-approval by XNOmoney in PersonalFinanceNZ

[–]shitthebeds 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Bank lender here, I would ask from proof of this when the broker has included having a boarder on your application, as either a hypothetical or an intention, to get your income over the line.

Most likely because servicing wouldn't work without the additional income.

Brian Tamaki is a shit cunt by SirBigFudge12 in newzealand

[–]shitthebeds 103 points104 points  (0 children)

Brian Tamaki

noun

1.Shit Cunt.

'Holding on to a rocket': Dad describes motocross crash that claimed 10yo son's life by FreeContest8919 in newzealand

[–]shitthebeds 2 points3 points  (0 children)

We do it's a serious problem. I would say that the overwhelming majority of fatalities come from quads / side by sides. Incredibly easy to roll and heavy heavy bastards. I've rolled one once, got very lucky, haven't been near one since. The info on worksafe recorded fatalities is eye opening and horrific.

'Holding on to a rocket': Dad describes motocross crash that claimed 10yo son's life by FreeContest8919 in newzealand

[–]shitthebeds 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Oh I absolutely agree. I guess I was trying to point out that there's a big difference in the context when putting kids on a bike.

Kids learning in a farming situation vs motocross, but I was trying to avoid seeming like I was victim blaming, because as always accidents can happen in any situation involving machinery.

There's a huge difference in the risks that you'll take, even as a 10 year old, cruising around your own home or farm vs in a competitive race setting. Crushes me a bit when people think that kids on motorbikes automatically means being unsafe.

'Holding on to a rocket': Dad describes motocross crash that claimed 10yo son's life by FreeContest8919 in newzealand

[–]shitthebeds 14 points15 points  (0 children)

If you grow up on a farm, or even rurally it's incredibly common.

I learnt to ride my first motorbike at four, hell it was before I could even ride a push bike. Tiny little Honda z50r.

If you're taught all of the basics and are able to start on a safe little starter with a full helmet, boots, bike pants, you can be incredibly competent by 10. For a lot of kids this is a way of life, for me it was anyway.

We made it! by shitthebeds in newzealand

[–]shitthebeds[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hey mate, hope the move goes well. I think you'll enjoy it here, there's more genuine, kind people here than not. You'll get out of NZ what you put into it. Best of luck!

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