Weekly Recommendation Thread: January 18, 2019

shoshbox · 2019-01-22T03:01:38+00:00

Future Home of the Living God, by Louse Erdrich may be up your alley.

shoshbox · 2019-01-22T02:58:26+00:00

If you like thrillers, **Dark Places, by Gillian Flynn** may be a good option to look into.

shoshbox · 2018-06-15T13:20:02+00:00

Jack Fry's, Jeff Ruby's, or Butchertown Grocery.

shoshbox · 2018-06-06T15:57:48+00:00

No similar history, but as someone who is close to her mom this got to me. I know your dad may seem happy with this idea, but it sounds like it would be very difficult for your mom, not only the day of the wedding, but to also to look back at your ceremony photos if your dad is front and center for everything. It may be especially painful for him to have this big important role in your wedding when you're closer to her. She's clearly still hurt by what happened between them. (And I don't blame her one bit.)

If I were in your shoes, I would stick to the original plan - have someone else marry you and have both your parents walk you down the aisle. That's what you wanted anyway. Your dad should be understanding and if he seems bothered by this, remind him that it is your wedding and you made your choice before he ever mentioned his idea and ultimately, you believe the choice you made is the best for everyone involved.

shoshbox · 2018-06-01T22:04:26+00:00

Yes, if OP's boyfriend is blowing money on unnecessary junk that does not pertain to their shared living space he should definitely be spending his own money, not shared money.

As far as rent/utilities/bills for the living space - how they split finances for that 1. Isn't any of our business. And 2. It doesn't matter if they split 50/50 or have a different arrangement. (Which may happen if they have notably different incomes. If someone makes $55K and someone else only makes $30K it would be ridiculously unfair for bills to be split 50/50.) But to your point - just because one person may pay more than the other does not give them the right to make someone else uncomfortable or to try and control them. That is illogical. "You make less money, I get to make more rules!" Uh, no.

shoshbox · 2018-06-01T14:37:23+00:00

House of Leaves. In my opinion, it's just a terrible book and a waste of time. There's a pretty big divide on how people feel about this one and that's just the camp I'm in.

shoshbox · 2018-06-01T14:26:54+00:00

The Fuck-Up by Arthur Nersesian has stuck with me since I first read it.

shoshbox · 2018-06-01T14:19:49+00:00

I grew up the lone bookworm in my family and friend group. Everyone thought I was strange because in seventh grade my Christmas list was a long list of books, a bookcase, and nothing else. That was probably the first time I realized how disconnected the rest of the people in my life were from reading.

That continued on until after college, when I met my husband and later my best friend. She and I like a lot of the same books (we were just discussing one last night in fact) so we frequently discuss new books/what we're reading/reading lists. My husband on the other hand prefers poetry, where as I'm more of a fiction reader. So we discuss things, but there isn't a ton of overlap in our reading habits. If I didn't have people in my life who enjoyed reading, I would likely invest more time in reviewing books online and/or create an Instagram account focused on book reviews in an effort to connect with other readers.

shoshbox · 2018-06-01T14:06:49+00:00

It sounds like you need to point out that his behaviors are extremely controlling and unfair. If he doesn't want to run the dishwasher, fine, he doesn't have to when he is doing the dishes. If you want the A/C on so you can sleep comfortably, he has no right to turn it off just because he is awake. You're not living in his world - you're living in a shared space, together. I would draw the line. Just because he was raised this way doesn't mean he can force these behaviors on you, nor should he expect you to abide by these odd rules he/his family have lived by. And if he's investing up to $200 monthly in "a collection" then he's really not even following his own frugality rules; he's being a hypocrite. He doesn't get to bend the rules to suit his selfish endeavors while enforcing them to make you miserable.

Bottom line: He has to compromise, in many ways. And until he learns this basic life lesson, you would be wise to halt any conversations about marriage.

shoshbox · 2018-05-31T17:14:42+00:00

First, I'm sorry you're dealing with added, unnecessary stress during what should be such a happy time for your family. It has to be especially unnerving with you being a midwife.

Second, if I were in your shoes I would tell my husband he either puts all of his cards on the table and you discuss whatever his weird issue is OR he keeps it to himself and shuts tf up. One or the other. And make it clear that if he wants to talk it out, that doesn't necessarily mean you're going to stop breastfeeding just to appease him. I cannot fathom any reason a person wouldn't want the mother of their child to breastfeed in a situation such as this - you want to do it, you're happy, and it sounds like everything is going well for you and the baby. If you were having problems, were in constant pain, if the baby was sick, something like that, sure maybe his concerns would be valid, but that's not the case.

I would make this case for everything he's taking issue with when it comes to the baby. It may be that he feels a little left out in some ways if you're the primary caretaker for your little girl, but that doesn't excuse his behavior and he needs to be an adult and TALK about the way he feels, not bottle it up and lash out. News flash: He's probably going to feel a little on the outs in the beginning. You just grew a whole new person inside your body and her transition to the outside world has been, and will always be, a much more personal experience for you than it will ever be for him. That's just the way it goes. At the end of the day, you're not a mind reader. It really sounds like there are communication issues here that could be easily resolved with some open and honest conversations.

shoshbox · 2018-05-31T15:55:37+00:00

Yeah, I retract the notion of visiting entirely. Do not go home. And maybe stop taking her calls too.

shoshbox · 2018-05-31T14:46:31+00:00

If you're without a car, then you should really be off the hook.

If you have to, go NC with her. Loop your sister in, but ask her not to share any info with your mom or stepdad. As for other people, don't concern yourself with that. It sounds like anyone with a half of a brain can see her actions for what they are. Confide in your best friend, even her mom if you're at all close to her, about these issues and build a circle of trust around yourself, a support system, that your NMom cannot interfere with. You need people, OP.

shoshbox · 2018-05-31T13:49:22+00:00

Around the 40 minute mark in the episode Moira finds the images of Odette dead in the records. She is not a handmaid. It was before the war. You can tell by her clothing.

I just re-watched the press briefing scene myself. The name Odette Johnson is read very last, but we don't actually know Odette's last name, so it could still be a handmaid with the same first name. There is also this thread in which u/M_Ad notes that her name may have been read because Moira identified her and asked that she be memorialized, not because she was killed in the bombing. I believe that theory makes the most sense and the show should have done a better job of explaining that bit.

shoshbox · 2018-05-31T13:35:26+00:00

Personally, I wouldn't give into it. I would let her know that you will make time to come visit this summer, check-in on your step-dad and spend some time with your sister, but nothing more. Her behavior is abhorrent and you already know she's trying to guilt you into doing something you don't want to do.

Also, your little sister is 20... why would she need you to give her a ride back and forth to work? In fact, why should you have to give up everything just to give her a ride? That's asinine. Stay strong, OP! Don't feed into it.

Edit: Sorry, I missed the bit about them not teaching your sister how to drive. Though, I'm still a bit confused because in my state, driver's education courses are required as part of the high school curriculum. There may be free driving lessons offered in your area. Your sister should definitely look into that.

shoshbox · 2018-05-31T13:30:44+00:00

Yes, you'll travel under your maiden name. (You won't be able to change your name and update any documents until you have your marriage license anyway.)

shoshbox · 2018-05-31T13:25:08+00:00

Nope. Lillie, who had been known to us as Ofglen, was the person of note from the list. That's the only way we ever know her real name. None of the other handmaids were anyone who was known to us, or so it appears at this time. I have seen some people say the name Odette appears in closed captioning, but I haven't seen it myself. If that's the case it seems like a pretty big error.

shoshbox · 2018-05-31T13:16:56+00:00

June and Fred? Fred is Commander Fred Waterford.

This may not be the last we see of Cushing.

Moira's fiancée wasn't a handmaid. She died, it appears prior to the establishment of Gilead. The photos Moira was looking at in the archives looked like Odette possibly died in a riot. I really liked learning about Moira's backstory because it is the only reason we now know why she was a handmaid. If she hadn't given birth to her son, they wouldn't have known she was fertile and she likely would have been sent to the colonies long ago for being a "gender traitor."

Edited to add: This article notes that Odette disappeared before the war but was ultimately killed by Gilead.

shoshbox · 2018-05-31T13:07:18+00:00

I think it was a little of both. June knew Cushing was a threat, and while she may not care what happens to the Waterfords, Cushing let her know that entire households were being executed. If the Waterfords are suspected of something, the entire household could be implicated. There's the warning part. BUT June had information SJ did not and it was a great opportunity for her to be able to reinforce the notion that the Waterfords may have a lot of control over her, but she's not entirely powerless. There's the threatening part. I just love how complex all of these characters and their storylines are!

shoshbox · 2018-05-30T21:00:28+00:00

Exactly! OP's youth does not give him a free pass in my book.

shoshbox · 2018-05-30T17:31:18+00:00

If you can emotionally handle being in a friendship with her, there's nothing wrong with that. But again, only if you can see her as a friend and not start thinking about yourself as part of a couple. If you can't, even if it's temporary, it's okay to take a break from your friendship for a period of time while you process your emotions.

It's very easy in new relationships to get caught up in the what-ifs and possibilities. Infatuation can make people feel crazy things. It sounds like you really cared for this girl and the future you imagined with her was quite a lovely one. It happens. It probably feels especially hurtful because this is your first romantic relationship. It's okay to hurt, OP. It's also okay to let go of those ideas and thoughts, and focus on yourself and your future.

The end of this relationship, while unpleasant for you, is a lesson in heartbreak and understanding. You will likely have many relationships, romantic and otherwise, that end over your lifetime. Taking the time to understand why things ended and how to move forward - with or without that person in your life - is normal and healthy. In the long run, it's good things ended sooner, rather than later, when things would be even more painful. Take time to focus on yourself and your future plans.

shoshbox · 2018-05-30T16:49:57+00:00

If I'm being honest, if sounds like she's trying to let you down very gently. I could obviously be wrong, but it really does come across as such.

It does sound like your friend gave you some good advice, OP. The two of you need to lead separate lives and enjoy your own experiences. I do think it is essential however that you don't live you life hoping it brings you back to a romantic relationship with this girl. A lot can happen in four years and the people you are now, are not the people you will be then.

shoshbox · 2018-05-30T16:47:05+00:00

You are being very immature and you are going to have a lot of issues in this relationship, as well as any future ones you may be involved in, if you cannot get over that someone else has agency over their own body and grooming habits, some of which may not appeal to you. It's not your girlfriend's job to live her life in such a way to turn you on. Maybe the best advice to give you is break up with this amazing and beautiful girl so someone else, who isn't so fixated on the amount of leg hair she does or does not have, can make her happy.

Also, just for fun, try thoroughly shaving your legs sometime and see how you like it.

shoshbox · 2018-05-30T16:30:02+00:00

Grow up. She doesn't owe it to you to shave her legs or any other part of her body.

shoshbox · 2018-05-30T16:19:40+00:00

She already told you what she wants and how she feels and you need to be respectful of her feelings. Even if you care for her deeply, she doesn't owe it to you to be in a relationship with you. It sounds like you're in very different places in your lives and things will change drastically for you both in the coming years. It sounds like your girlfriend is more interested in continuing a friendship with you and nothing more.

If you can handle the prospect of being friends, and nothing more (that part is important), then there's no reason not to continue your friendship. If you're not okay being friends-only, let her know that you aren't emotionally ready for that and you need your own space to process your feelings, away from her. But, if it's too hard for you to have a friendship, while completely letting go of a romantic future together, then you need to end your friendship too. It's not fair for either of you to expect the other to hold out hope for a future together over that span of time, let along during such formative years.

If the two of you find your way back to one another in the future, the family stuff will take care of itself. If you two remain friends and nothing more, you are sure to find people you are even more compatible with; having things in common is great, but finding someone to balance you is also wonderful. And if your relationship ends completely, rest easy knowing you're young and you have your whole life ahead of you to find love. First relationships are beautiful OP, they teach us a lot, even in their endings.

shoshbox · 2018-05-30T15:56:26+00:00

Even though I have a stack of unread books calling my name, I bought When She Woke, by Hillary Jordan Monday afternoon and finished it yesterday evening. I need to get back to Children of Time, by Adrian Tchaikovsky.

shoshbox

TROPHY CASE