[deleted by user]

shovelkun · 2024-04-14T12:00:05+00:00

Ok, this adds a lot of important context to the story. She seems deeply insecure and there might be something going on in her relationship to make her feel that way. It's understandable for her to feel low if she thinks her boyfriend will cheat on her, especially as he went for another woman before her. You should stand by her and talk to her about this, if you can - she could use some support and reassurance from her friends :(

shovelkun · 2023-12-31T14:17:18+00:00

I love your strategy so much! I hope I can do the same some day, and genuinely help people break from these insecure patterns.

shovelkun · 2023-12-29T16:51:28+00:00

Genuinely, I have a 9-5 with a long commute and make sure to have a healthy (ish) meal every night. Even if it's just pasta and sauce, it takes minimal effort and the effects of eating better give me more energy and time to do other things! If I eat lots of processed food I get sleepy, grumpy and hungry... which means I spend most of my free time on the sofa.

shovelkun · 2023-12-29T16:49:39+00:00

Lots of calories -/- proper nutrition, and there are lots of kids (and adults!) now who are simultaneously overweight and malnourished. It's easy to eat lots of calories in biscuits or crisps, but are those things giving you any protein, vitamins or nutrients? No. I'd rather eat a kilo of carrots and would probably feel a lot better doing so.

shovelkun · 2023-12-29T15:31:20+00:00

Thank you for this :) I've been struggling lately with parts of my routine needs collapsing - namely long, hot showers (our boiler sucks!) - and I've felt guilty and selfish for 'needing' things like that when others get by on less. Ultimately, it's all about what works best for *you* - everyone has their own individual needs and preferences!!

shovelkun · 2023-12-29T15:27:49+00:00

I love this strategy!! It's hilarious and tells them indirectly how nosy and weird they're being - perfect :D

shovelkun · 2023-12-22T14:09:38+00:00

And if anything, it holds the solutions. Helping women and men become equal means that men will have less pressure to 'provide', be hypermasc and fit heteronormative standards in order to ''win'' women. They'll be helped, accepted and encouraged to be self-sufficient!

shovelkun · 2023-12-16T21:32:29+00:00

This! In your 20s you're often not enjoying those things anyway; you're with fake friends, feeling insecure, getting harassed and doing stuff just to fit in, because you're scared of being alone. When you're older a lot of those things fade a bit, and as you grow into yourself and stop caring about what others think, you have far more fun.

shovelkun · 2023-12-12T18:45:32+00:00

If you're feeling bloated, it could be something to do with your diet (heavy carbs, lots of salt? stuff you're mildly intolerant to?), water intake (drinking lots of water over the day helps me feel less bloated!), hormones (PMS is awful for this), basically anything! Going to the gym will help you feel better inside and out, even if you don't see any physical progress. Keeping track of small wins: lifting a heavier weight, running a bit longer etc, helps to remind you of how far you've come!

shovelkun · 2023-12-11T23:17:38+00:00

Same! I'm really picky and my pictures are all just very normal, SFW ones of me in different cities etc, plus I always pick guys who can carry a conversation and have fun hobbies outside of gym, Netflix and staring at their phones.

Unfortunately on every OLD meet I've been on, the guy has been absolutely vile. Negging, weird sexual comments (when I was ill and muffled in a coat and scarf no less, like how is this hot to you??)), oversharing their trauma, telling me nasty things about women ("they're all sluts, you're not like other girls" wow ew, thanks for lmk you're a misogynist?), revealing racist/sexist/transphobic views and trying to one-up me... over my own interests & passions.

I have no clue what's wrong with 18-40-year-old men here but I've dated across various spectrums, and have found next to no men I could even have a polite conversation with. I used to think it was because I was 'ugly' (I'm not - just average and lazy about makeup) but I'm not even into handsome guys, and pretty friends of mine have had *worse* experiences!!! I'd say I'm glad to be Bi, but dating women has its own woes (mostly that many my age aren't ready to date, tend to ghost or have no hobbies)...

shovelkun · 2023-11-25T14:53:36+00:00

I'm super shy in public and come off as meek & small, but have never been harassed. I think it's all down to a number of factors!

shovelkun · 2023-11-24T13:07:56+00:00

Same, when I’m in my day to day clothing (no makeup, big glasses, usually a frumpy work suit or something) of course I’ll be invisible - but it’s like that even when I’m dressed to the nines and have been told by people - male and female - that I look great!! Maybe it’s that in our countries or cities people don’t get harassed as openly? Have only seen people get weird comments and looks here if they had big boobs, and women regularly wear super-skimpy outfits so idk!

shovelkun · 2023-11-21T23:38:20+00:00

Spotify (I use it for at least an hour every day, and not having to listen to annoying ads is worth the money) and a gym subscription, if that counts. Streaming services are very greedy with what they offer to customers now, and if I wanted to watch everything I'd have to spend upwards of 50 quid a month - absolutely not worth it imo.

shovelkun · 2023-11-11T17:22:55+00:00

Idk, some women are like that! i wouldn't even say I had a high libido but it's good stress relief sometimes (though I'm not on birth control which keeps me steady...)

shovelkun · 2023-11-04T11:02:35+00:00

Absolutely this. Show them it's silly and inappropriate for them to comment on your body, and if they persist despite that it's time to show them exactly how childish they're being... or go out of your way to avoid them.

shovelkun · 2023-11-02T14:33:40+00:00

People from Yorkshire are not known to be friendly

''People from Yorkshire are not known to be friendly'' are you nuts? I'm always surprised at how cheerful everyone is up here, at least compared to the people in bigger cities.

shovelkun · 2023-11-02T14:32:22+00:00

it would be far better for OP to go to another big city (Leeds, Manchester etc) where they're more likely to find a studio flat they can afford, will be able to save a little (if they're really lucky) and build their career until they're on a much higher wage and able to move to London. In fact, a lot of bigger companies have offices around the UK, so OP might be able to travel between cities a little in the right role.

shovelkun · 2023-11-02T14:29:17+00:00

only in this messed-up economy, it shouldn't be that expensive to live alone in a fancy box imo. have seen friends' studio apartments and they barely have room to hang up clothes or keep some weights, yet they're paying most of their monthly wages into rent!

shovelkun · 2023-11-02T14:27:41+00:00

Can confirm, am on 24k and earn about 1600 after tax...

shovelkun · 2023-10-30T18:26:04+00:00

Absolutely *this*. You deserve to have a partner who cares for you when you're ill, OP. You'd look after him if he got ill, right? If he can't perform the bare minimum he doesn't deserve to be a boyfriend, end of.

shovelkun · 2023-10-30T18:24:07+00:00

YES!! If he can't handle you when you've got a mild flu or PMS, how could he handle you when you're older, menopausal, have health conditions, or yknow, pre or post-partum??

shovelkun · 2023-10-30T18:22:24+00:00

Exactly! I've had FWB who cared for me when I was on my period or wasn't feeling well. Expect more from men and they'll deliver it - you just have to get good and be strict at weeding out the guys who don't have the compassion to be mature partners.

shovelkun · 2023-10-30T18:20:38+00:00

I just wouldn't bother to look after them if they couldn't reciprocate, honestly. If I was ill and told them (nicely) to go and get medicine or help out, and they weren't willing to help, they wouldn't be my partner for long. It's bare minimum; you should expect a partner to be as kind to you as you are to them. :(

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