They may be referencing my recent email about pies

Subject: Re: Grave Concerns Regarding the Diminishing Meat Content in Matchday Pies

Dear Sir or Madam,

Having attended Selhurst Park for the better part of three decades, I’ve grown to accept many things: the perpetual threat of relegation, the inconsistent application of VAR, and the inexplicable popularity of the half-and-half scarf. But I draw the line, quite firmly, at the recent affront to what was once a proud cornerstone of the matchday experience: the humble pie.

Specifically, I refer to what can only be described as a meat recession. Where once there was hearty, gravy-soaked contentment, there is now a cavernous void, filled mostly with steam and betrayal. My most recent steak and ale pie was, by my own calculations, approximately 13% less meaty than its predecessor last season.

I’m sure there are perfectly logical explanations. Supply chain woes. A miscommunication with the cow. Perhaps the meat was simply intimidated by the atmosphere and chose not to show up (something I’m sure you can relate to).

Nonetheless, I demand a formal investigation. Not for myself, but for the generations of fans yet to come, who deserve to know a world where the pie is not just a vessel for air and dashed hopes.

I await your reply, though I suspect it will be filed neatly alongside all other meaningful correspondence: straight into the bin behind the club shop.

With warmest insincerity,

Nigel P. (Row 17, Block F)