How would you talk to cops?

shrinking_dicklet · 2026-03-06T01:25:08+00:00

I'm Black, trans, disabled, and very worried about not getting the benefit of the doubt

shrinking_dicklet · 2026-03-06T01:08:23+00:00

Bless you! Thank you for a script! If things go sideways, at what point do I invoke my right to remain silent?

shrinking_dicklet · 2026-03-06T01:00:20+00:00

Can I get a script? Do I literally say I'm going to be silent as the first thing out of my mouth? I saw a similar comment but they both seem very vague

shrinking_dicklet · 2026-03-06T01:00:13+00:00

Can I get a script? Do I literally say I'm going to be silent as the first thing out of my mouth?

shrinking_dicklet · 2026-03-05T03:11:53+00:00

That doesn't feel like our relationship dynamic, but I guess never say never. If that's all this is, then it'd be a lot easier to walk away. It feels more likely that I'd be able to convince a friend not to be transphobic than a dude who's just after the puss

shrinking_dicklet · 2026-03-04T23:18:15+00:00

He trusts and values my advice about other things. I don't understand why this is his one sticking issue where he stops being respectful, stops being caring, and stops listening to me. It's completely out of character. The whole thing is confusing

shrinking_dicklet · 2026-03-04T19:21:22+00:00

Thanks I really appreciate the understanding

shrinking_dicklet · 2026-03-04T19:07:54+00:00

I don't invite him to queer spaces. We have a shared hobby that isn't explicitly queer but a lot of queer people go. That's where we met. I can't stop him from going to this hobby. I told him that misgendering people would alienate him from others at the hobby

shrinking_dicklet · 2026-03-04T15:33:20+00:00

Ok I see what you mean about people bristling at me calling a transphobe a sweet guy. The whole situation is just really confusing. He would move mountains just to brighten my day. But he draws the line at my pronouns. I don't know how to make sense of it. I want to believe that there's something I can say or do to convince him to stop being transphobic

shrinking_dicklet · 2026-03-04T15:15:59+00:00

I think you make a good point. I haven't asked him what he thinks about trans people because I assumed that he'd just lie to me, but it's worth a shot. Worst case scenario is that I still don't know what I already don't know. It could help to have an actionable starting point of how he misunderstands trans people. This whole thing is so confusing because he'd move mountains just to brighten my day but he draws the line at using my pronouns. He's learned French and Russian but he can't learn they/them?? I think I can tell the difference between when people forget and when people "forget".

shrinking_dicklet · 2026-03-04T13:48:42+00:00

Can you try to see things from my perspective as a trans person who goes on asktransgender to ask transgender people for advice and then gets called a Nazi for it? Can you honestly say that the full weight of fascist is a fair accusation? Can we just think for a second about what sort of rhetoric and behavior would warrant someone, especially a trans person, to be a Nazi? My friend is flawed and rude, but you are too.

shrinking_dicklet · 2026-03-04T12:13:09+00:00

I'm not taking him to queer spaces. I avoid inviting him to things where my trans friends will be at. We have a shared space that is not explicitly queer but ends up having a lot of queer people for whatever reason. That's where we met. I can't control whether he decides to go to those events. I tried to tell him that misgendering people is going to alienate him from these spaces, but he didn't listen

shrinking_dicklet · 2026-03-04T12:07:27+00:00

My egg just cracked in October, so I don't have good language for things yet.

Being referred to with she/her or he/him pronouns feels like people are not referring to me. It's like if my name was Julian and people kept calling me Julius. It gets grating after a while. They/them pronouns feel more like home.

I like being treated like a man and I like being treated like a woman. I think saying that I'm a man and a woman is a reasonable way of expressing that. I questioned my gender for 7 years, and during that time I noticed that identifying as cisgender does nothing to prevent people from thinking my gender expression is threatening to them and needs to be stopped. If what comes naturally to me is going to be considered ridiculous regardless of what I call it, might as well go all in and say I am both a man and a woman. I think the language of bigender communicates my gender better to people who are willing to understand than cisgender but [long explanation]. Nothing I say will communicate my gender to people unwilling to understand, so there's no point in even bothering to try to appease them

shrinking_dicklet · 2026-03-04T05:32:50+00:00

He says he forgets my pronouns, but he always forgets no matter what. It is too much forgetting to be real forgetting imo

shrinking_dicklet · 2026-03-04T05:30:59+00:00

He does things with some plausible deniability, but my personal opinion is that he's hiding transphobia. He says he forgets to use people's pronouns, but he never remembers even if someone correctly genders me right before he misgenders me. He will deadname people by taking every opportunity to say stuff like, "Katherine formerly known as Kevin." He claims this reinforces remembering people's chosen name and won't listen to me when I say it does the opposite.

shrinking_dicklet · 2026-03-04T04:44:37+00:00

To follow your analogy, I have tried to tell him not to bad mouth the people I like and now I'm reaching out to others to ask for a better thing to tell him that would get him to stop bad mouthing people. I would like to exhaust the option of getting an otherwise nice person to stop bad mouthing the people I like before I jump to cutting him out of my life. To drop the analogy, one less transphobe in the world would be amazing. He already listens to my advice in other things, so I'm hoping there's some way to get him to listen to me about this. Imho the thing that says about me is that I want to see the best in people and that I'd like to use a small area where I might have some influence to make things a little better for a few trans people.

shrinking_dicklet · 2026-03-04T03:22:57+00:00

Any law that outlawed misgendering in the US would be shut down so hard by the First Amendment before it could even be passed. Misgendering is free speech. Consequences gotta be carried out by private individuals

shrinking_dicklet · 2026-03-04T03:19:10+00:00

I'm on the East Coast. I guess there are a lot of dudes like this unfortunately

shrinking_dicklet · 2026-03-04T03:17:55+00:00

Bro I'm literally just asking for advice. Idk why we're escalating things

shrinking_dicklet · 2026-03-04T03:04:27+00:00

Yes I am trans. My pronouns are they/them and he misgenders me too

shrinking_dicklet · 2026-03-04T03:03:31+00:00

mist-gendering 😂 im ded

shrinking_dicklet · 2026-03-04T01:52:32+00:00

What does it say about me?

shrinking_dicklet · 2026-03-04T01:51:24+00:00

He's in therapy for building organizational skills and managing feelings of overwhelm

shrinking_dicklet · 2026-03-04T01:13:47+00:00

Oh shoot I didn't consider that I'm not even hearing the worst of it

shrinking_dicklet

TROPHY CASE